Post # 1
I am not sure why but the last few weeks my husband has been a completly different person. I know that he has alot going on with working and his family but that doesnt mean that he needs to treat me the way that he has been. Last night he called me a stupid bitch for no reason, the other night he called me an over priviledged F**K and the list goes on and on. After he calls me all these names then he feels bad and ask me if I still love him and tells me not to leave him. Well dont treat me like this and you wont have to question me is my response. I am at the point of telling him, we are only 9 months in either straighten up or I am out of here. I just dont understand!
( I would like to add that only last night calling me a stupid bitch he was drunk, thinking that he has a drinking competiton with him self)
( poll option one is supposed to day ” tell him how it is and stay?”)
This topic was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by jenrawson21.
Post # 2
jenrawson21: This sounds odd if he’s never acted like this before, could he possibly have a problem with alcohol? Has something changed (i.e. job loss, financial difficulty, illness, etc)? I would recommend going to some couples counseling to sort this out. However, if his behavior escalates it could turn abusive. I don’t really view divorce as an option unless someone is actually in danger, so I would recommend exploring all avenues of resolution first. Hopefully he’ll realize what he’s going and things will get better for both of you. Best of luck.
Post # 3
Was there something specific that triggered off this apparent change in personality? Only for someone to suddenly behave so differently, and so unacceptably, suggests more than just a lot going on at work.
I wouldn’t advise threatening to leave (unless you mean to carry out the threat) and neither should you roll with the punches. However, you do need to get the bottom of what on earth is going on.
Post # 4
What did he used to be like? You said a few weeks in your open, what was he like when you first got married?
Post # 5
I’m normally of the mindset that the two of you work it out, but this sounds like he has his own problems he needs to work on. I voted leave, but what I mean is separate. If he can show you that he can work on his issues, maybe there is something to salvage. But belittling you and insulting you and just undervaluing you as a human being? Yeah, vows or not, I’d be OUT. Either way, sounds like you guys have some serious problems and he needs help.
Post # 6
Sorry to hear this, one thing is to tell each other our defects and another is to insult each other. He seems to me that he is insulting you and being disrespectful. Once the couple starts calling each other’s name and making disrespecful comments, that says that something is really wrong. Don’t allow that to happen because the more room you open for those types of comments that more it will happen. Have you thought what possible thing can make him say such things? Does he says them out of the blue? I’m really sorry.
Post # 7
jenrawson21: I would recommend therapy (I know everyone says this for everything though). My reasoning is that this isn’t just stress, my husband has an extremely stressful job and a lot going on his family and while he might get snappy and swear in general and raise his voice (seldom at me though), he has never once called me a name ever. He has had bad days and bad moods and as much as he gets snappy, he always treats me respectfully. I honestly think your husband needs to talk to someone, I am trying to convince my husband to as well so I am not trying to suggest my husband is perfect, just that name calling isn’t acceptable…
Post # 8
I agree with PPs, if he never behaved this way before, and this represents a sudden change in his behavior, I’d try to figure out if something else is going on, stress, mental health, even phyiscal health. I would evaluate this stuff before giving up if he was always kind to you before, but if nothing else is going on, and the behavior continues, then in that situation I would recommend leaving, but you’re not there yet, try to figure out if something is going on first,
Post # 9
Sounds like verbal abuse to me. Sometimes it doesn’t start until the abuser feels he really “has” you, so this fits the pattern.
Alcohol doesn’t cause it, but it will take the brakes off.
Couples’ counseling is not safe when there is any type of abuse. I do encourage you to get counseling for yourself with a therapist knowledgable in abuse.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I understand how painful & destabilizing it can be.
Post # 10
Good luck with this. I voted the first option because like others, I feel something is going on. Alcohol problems? perhaps he started taking a new medication that is making him really wacky and mean? I’d definitely try to resolve/confront this issue before just up and leaving him. Marriage deserves a good honest try for resolution.
Post # 11
I wouldn’t divorce someone over name calling. I’d focus on fixing your communication because obviously something has triggered his behaviour and ideally married couples work through challenges together.
I’m not saying to put up with it, I’m saying to talk to him and figure out why he’s taking his anger out on you. Stress can make you do strange things and while it’s not an excuse, your relationship will have many ebbs and flows over the years.
Post # 12
Get to couples counselling, stat. If he refuses to go, go alone. If nothing else it should help you to stop things from escalating, figure out when it is time to leave, and give you a safe space to talk about what is going on. His behavior is alarming and unacceptable, but if you act quickly there may still be something to salvage.
Post # 13
jenrawson21: That is NOT okay. At all. It’s abuse. Classic signs. But I’d definitely try counseling first and if it’s still not working out, life is TOO short. Trust me.
Post # 14
jenrawson21: You didn’t include the poll option ‘Just up and leave’. I wouldn’t threaten to leave, I would just leave. How dare he speak to you like that! If alcohol affects his personality like that, then he needs help, but if he starts talking to you like this 9 months into a marriage, how will he be around you in 5 years time?
Post # 15
Sudden behavioral changes are frequently a symptom of a medical issue. If he never acted like this before, I doubt he all of a sudden became an abusive bastard out of nowhere. Alcohol abuse can also affect behavior. Before counseling, I’d get him a medical checkup, and go from there.