Post # 1
I have been with my boyfriend now for 9 years! 9 long, long, long years. We’ve been together since I was 19 years old and he was 21 years old. We’ve had plenty of ups and downs over the years but was blessed to welcome a beautiful baby girl into the world who is now 5. Although we aren’t completely at our career goals, I can say with confidence that we do very well sharing our own household and raising our child. There is only one very important thing missing, MARRIAGE!! Not only have we been pressured by family and friends but I have been struggilng with this issue myself. YES, I would love to marry this man but what is taking him so long!! He finally mentioned two months ago that he is paying for my engagement ring. I really wish he hadnt mentioned that to me because now my nerves are terrible just racing for when he will indeed ask. Has anyone else waited this long? Sometimes it really gets to me and makes me feel low because I feel other women get engaged in way less time than 9 years!
Post # 2
We have a fab ‘Waiting’ section on the Bee. Head over for loads of fun and support.
It sounds like you are nearly at the end of your waiting stage though, woop!
Keep your chin up, and come and join in the fun! 😀
Post # 3
I just recently got engaged and our 8th anniversary is coming up. So not quite so long, but close. It’s worth the wait, I promise! And I swear, people are doubly excited for you because they’ve been waiting as long as you have!
Post # 4
I am really sorry you’re going through this. A lot of ppl will suggest you popping the question to him or sitting down and having frank discussion about marriage.
Chances are he’s probably pretty comfy given the cushy life you two have built prior to marriage… living together, house, a child. You’ve acted as wife and mother throughout these 9 year I take it, sounds like he sees no reason to change the status quo. After all, you’ve agreed every step of the way by contributing your personal space, finances, body, sexuality, time etc.
I’m really very sorry that the things haven’t worked out in the fashion you’re wishing for.
Post # 5
Our 9 year anniversary is next month – and I’m still waiting. I totally get where you’re coming from! At least you know he’s working on the ring, which means you don’t have too much longer 🙂
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast
I’ve been waiting 5 years… but we also dated in highschool for a few years so it’s starting to feel like 9! (If we had never broken up we would have been at 9 at this point.) He took me ring shopping TWO years ago! But didn’t buy my ring until this past month. But now I know he has it and it’s driving me nuts.. but also making me feel a lot better. We don’t live together (both with our parents still) and I’ve been ready to move out and look at houses but at this point it makes zero sense to do that seperately but I am reluctant to put his name on anything without that ring.
It’s sort of stressful at this point because I know the whole planning stuff is coming… and there will be so much to do… but I can’t really do anything yet but look (which i’ve already done)! I already know everything I want and even prices of some things but I want to be able to figure out if what i want will even be possible (i’d need my parents help with the reception costs.)
Post # 7
I think as long as you open the dialog with your SO and just say “I think it’s time we seriously think about this.”
I’m most certainly not at my end career goal, and I don’t think you should ever stop striving to achieve. It shouldn’t be reason to postpone a marriage, especially if you already have a child.
If it’s getting the money for a fairytale wedding, I think maybe you might want to consider a small gathering. A beach wedding. A courthouse wedding.
My point is, if you want a wedding bad enough, there are things you can do to get there.
Post # 8
BEYONDBEAUTY1221: my FI and I got engaged after 9+ years together, in our mid-to-late 20s. At this point, marriage is just a piece of paper to have, but it’ll be great to have it! I was really anxious about getting engaged, and wanted it done a certain way, but he told me to chill out. When it finally happened, it was way more special and “us” than I had ever imagined it!
I think when you’re in a long term relationship and in a de facto marriage, it gets really frustrating to wait. I’ve been there, and I was never one to care about getting married or weddings. People will tell you to be patient, but that’s really hard! I always say that you should maintain open communication so you’re on the same page, and both parties are in agreement about a timeline. It makes it so much easier.
Post # 9
You ALL have been so very helpful! I cannot thank you enough as this has been so stressful at times. The waiting game and anticipating when he will pop the question. I got reassurance from him last night that he indeed wants to marry me. That comforted my heart so much. Waking up this morning and reading all of your experiences, advice, and words of comfort as eased my nerves. Congratulations your engagements and I wish you all the best on your weddings!! I will continue to hang in there, I have faith that my time will be soon! I will keep you ladies posted, Have a Wonderful Week!!!!
Post # 10
BEYONDBEAUTY1221: I had been with my fiance for over 10 years before he proposed. We are high school sweethearts and were out of college and bought a house, so the next thing was marriage, right? We had talked about it off and on all the time but he never hinted about when he would do it or how soon he wanted to be married, so I was right there with you with the anticipation. Our parents and families were even bugging him about it every time we would see them.
As much as I liked everyone being on my side, I understood the pressure he felt of having to meet everyone’s expectations and being told what to do. He does things on his own terms and I have always respected that, and then finally on a trip to Jamaica he proposed.
If he is like my fiance he is probably saving to buy you the perfect ring, I mean they are expensive and my fiance did not want to get help from family or take a loan out for it. Give him time, clearly you have established a family and your relationship, so getting married is just icing on the cake and it will be that much more exciting when it does happen, trust me I know.