Weddingbee boards

Hi bees!  First of all, thank you for reading this post!  It's not for me, but a fellow bride-to-be of mine.  She's nervous about posting because it's such a hot-button issue, so I promised her I would do it and relay all your good advice!  My friend got engaged late last year and set her wedding date for next summer.  Her fiance's brother's girlfriend (we'll call her Spuds) was less than thrilled, since she and her fiance's brother had been dating longer.  Spuds is pretty mean, but in that sneaky I'm going to screw you over with a smile on my face way.  She ignored my friend the day they got engaged and afterward was really mean to her in regards to all the wedding planning.  Think "That's so tacky.  I would never do that."  Well, Spuds has also been putting the pressure on her boyfriend to propose to her (she gave him an ultimatum) and finally he did a mere month ago.  Well, Spuds has decided to get married this winter (before my friend).  It kinda hurt my friend's feelings (these girls have a hard time getting along, because Spuds is just so sneaky about things and wants to be the family favorite) but she let it go.  That's when trouble started.  Spuds started asking my friend "for help and advice" on wedding stuff.  She would ask my friend what she was doing, and then SHE would go and choose the same thing!!!!  She is already using one of her colors, and she's also using the EXACT same reception food.  I guess I'm making it hard to understand, but I've been friends with my pal for a while and I've seen what Spuds is capable of.  She's having the wedding where the fiance's parents got married to continue tradition because my pal "didn't care whether people came to her wedding or not because it's so far away."  She can't help it if that's where her hometown is!  The worst part is though, after much debate, my friend sent a picture of her wedding dress because Spuds said she wanted to make sure "she didn't get anything like it."  SHE BOUGHT THE EXACT SAME ONE!!!  My friend has attempted to talk to the family about it but it hasn't been well received.  The worst part is that it's putting a damper on all my friend's wedding planning.  ANY advice?  You bees are the best!<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre">

My friend unfortunately is subject to a lot of family pressure from her fiance's end.  If his mother doesn't end up telling her first, then Spuds makes sure to ask my friend right in front of her.  She doesn't want to be rude, and she feels like her hands are tied because this girl makes it seem as if she's interested, and that's she's excited my friend is getting married because soon they'll be family.  My friend has taken in to consideration changing the food, but she's wanted this from the start and doesn't want to change her wedding for this girl.

Wow, drama!  I second everyone who says your friend definitely needs to keep her mouth shut about her wedding details, even if it means just flat out not responding to Spuds.  It might be too late to change some of the things she's already told and that have then been copied, but maybe some parts of it can be changed up a little by her wedding.  The one bit of silver lining is that since Spuds' wedding is first, your friend can definitely observe during it  and then switch up things to make hers different when it comes around.  Best of luck to your friend and tell her to remember no matter what, it WILL be her and her fi's special day when it does come-- no one can take that from them.

I agreee completely with bellenga on both counts.  Give her false info, and then tell her you're not standing for this crap.  Grr!

Thanks bees for all of the wonderful advice!  I've passed it along to my friend, and she said she's going to try the "false information" ploy and after their wedding is over, go back to the original plans and tell everyone she changed her mind.  I feel for her, because I know she and her FMIL have talked it about it and directly addressed this issue.  My friend told her FMIL her concerns and the FMIL was very reassuring.  Even still, every time my friend has been less than forthcoming, she's been getting the cold shoulder from her fiance's family.  I don't want to give too many incriminating details away (I don't doubt Spuds is on here somehwere, lurking...), but at my friend's engagement party, all Spuds could talk about was HER wedding!  I am engaged as well, (obviously) but I didn't talk about MY plans because it wasn't MY party!

I would also be feeding ehr false information. There is no way I would be able to deal with that.

I wouldn't just let it go either, I would let people know. And if she continues to ask everyone, just don't tell anyone what is really going on. Just tell her to say she's having trouble deciding on things, and there's no final choices yet. Then when she gives out "ideas" it won't be a total surprise when the wedding is completely different.

Cinemaparadiso -- I've already volunteered to go see Spuds and give her a piece of my mind!  Since my friend and I are both getting married, I've also avoided some things that she's chosen, since I definitely didn't have my heart set on the same thing.  This girl really is just horrible.  She just does it so everyone thinks she's so sweet and just really wants my friend to be involved in the planning.  After the day my friend got engaged and Spuds was SO RUDE to her, I've considered her a snake in the grass.  AND, when they had a celebratory dinner the next weekend with her FH's family, Spuds wouldn't even let the FBIL attend!  They went "elsewhere" to eat.  I just wish she would be a little bit more respectful of my friend, her feelings, and every bride's right to have a unqiue wedding reflective of their OWN personalities!

Haha, you bees aren't going to believe this... this girl will stop at nothing.  My friend recently had her engagement photos taken and obviously both families got to look at the proofs.  Well, apparently Spuds had engagement photos taken as well without telling anyone, so no one even knew they were doing them until their pictures were posted on the photographer's web site.  Spuds and the FBIL wore the exact same colors as my friend!  My friend looked better, though (haha, okay, so I'm a little biased).  My friend is also including her dog in the ceremony (ring bearer) and Spuds and co. mentioned they might like to do that with their dog.  Spud's venue allows for pets under certain conditions and my friend knows the site coordinator.  They were talking about it today and my friend said, "Yeah, it's just too bad he's not house-trained yet." HAHA! 

FBIL is basically just listening to everything Spuds is saying, and keeps on saying "He doesn't see why it's such a big deal."  He's even stirred the pot a little telling members of his family that my friend is getting angry over nothing and refuses to be Spud's friend.  Spuds actually gave FBIL an ultimatum regarding a proposal deadline and he (caving to pressure) obviously met it.  I think more than anything, she just wants to get married -- not have a marriage.  And, she creates this false sense of fierce competition between my friend and herself.  My friend could really care less who's the "better" DIL, but Spuds has to turn everything into some sort of contest.

The dress thing happened to a friend of mine as well! She described her dress to her FH's friend's fiance, and she went out and bought the same dress from the same store. She was devastated! She ended up selling her old dress and buying a new one that she loves even more. Hopefully your friend can do the same. Right now, "spuds" is making it look like your friend copied off of her. So sad...I'm so sorry for your friend! Tell her to keep her chin up! She's very lucky to have a friend like you to help her through!

holy crap. what a B.I.T.C.H. 

HAHAHA so i was so disgusted by what this Spuds wench has done, that i went straight to the end to comment that she was a biatch, and i also wanted to write something along the lines of "punching her in the face" ahhaa but i thought that it was gonna be a bit much! after reading some of the other bee's comments though, i realize that i am not the only hot tempered bee! lol. 

I feel for your friend though, and I agree with either keeping tightlipped about her wedding plans or feeding her false information..although the latter might take extra effort and make you feel bitter while planning? 

mlkeysock, that is one of my friend's concerns.  I would say there's a good 75% who will be attending both weddings, and she's afraid it's going to look like she copied Spuds.  And for those of us who aren't in the know, it kinda does.  My friend wanted me to pass along that she appreciates all your support, and we actually did some investigation and found out one of Spud's BMs is a fellow bee.  Don't worry -- I know it's not any of you because I just KNOW this girl also knows what her "friend" is up to and I doubt she'd be posting about how crazy Spuds is!  Last time I saw Spuds in person, she actually asked me about one of MY wedding colors and I lied and told her I was using brown and black everywhere.  And maybe some orange so it would feel more like a Halloween party!

fizicsgirl, the issue is a little touchy with my friend's FH.  I can't really get specific as to how close they are, because that might give a lot away and I have NO doubt Spuds and her little minions are on here somewhere... lurking.  At first, her FH didn't think it was a big deal and no one was really listening to my friend -- they thought she was getting upset over nothing.  My friend even attempted to talk to her FBIL in about it and he just went around telling the family she was being "unreasonable."  I think her FH is hesitating on getting involved because of the relationship with his brother.  And her FBIL is just acting really out of character about this whole thing.  I didn't think he would respond the way he has. 

 But, to keep you guys updated.  We've devised a plan!  Bru hahaha.  My friend isn't wearing a veil; she's wearing a flower in her hair.  And so now we're "planting the seeds" that my friend has her perfect veil picked out and it will go perfectly with her dress!!  Obviously, we're doing all we can to avoid Spuds showing up with a flower in her hair on "her" big day!

Just to keep the bees updated... my friend found out today that Spuds basically PLOTTED to get the same dress as her.  I don't want to go into detail again, for fear that she's on here, but my friend is heartbroken.  She really didn't want to get a new dress, but she's torn up over the fact that her FH will know what her dress looks like once he attends Spud's wedding.  :(  I hate this for her.

Send "Spuds" a card of the most reputable psychiatrist in town.  This b*tch needs some drugs and therapy b-a-d!  Who does this??

 And send some ::HUGS:: to your fellow bride-to-be.  Karma will catch up with Spuds sooner or later.