Post # 1
Hi bees! First of all, thank you for reading this post! It’s not for me, but a fellow bride-to-be of mine. She’s nervous about posting because it’s such a hot-button issue, so I promised her I would do it and relay all your good advice! My friend got engaged late last year and set her wedding date for next summer. Her fiance’s brother’s girlfriend (we’ll call her Spuds) was less than thrilled, since she and her fiance’s brother had been dating longer. Spuds is pretty mean, but in that sneaky I’m going to screw you over with a smile on my face way. She ignored my friend the day they got engaged and afterward was really mean to her in regards to all the wedding planning. Think "That’s so tacky. I would never do that." Well, Spuds has also been putting the pressure on her boyfriend to propose to her (she gave him an ultimatum) and finally he did a mere month ago. Well, Spuds has decided to get married this winter (before my friend). It kinda hurt my friend’s feelings (these girls have a hard time getting along, because Spuds is just so sneaky about things and wants to be the family favorite) but she let it go. That’s when trouble started. Spuds started asking my friend "for help and advice" on wedding stuff. She would ask my friend what she was doing, and then SHE would go and choose the same thing!!!! She is already using one of her colors, and she’s also using the EXACT same reception food. I guess I’m making it hard to understand, but I’ve been friends with my pal for a while and I’ve seen what Spuds is capable of. She’s having the wedding where the fiance’s parents got married to continue tradition because my pal "didn’t care whether people came to her wedding or not because it’s so far away." She can’t help it if that’s where her hometown is! The worst part is though, after much debate, my friend sent a picture of her wedding dress because Spuds said she wanted to make sure "she didn’t get anything like it." SHE BOUGHT THE EXACT SAME ONE!!! My friend has attempted to talk to the family about it but it hasn’t been well received. The worst part is that it’s putting a damper on all my friend’s wedding planning. ANY advice? You bees are the best!<span class=”Apple-tab-span” style=”white-space: pre”>
Post # 3
Well … I hate to state the obvious … but your friend needs to keep her lips zipped about wedding stuff, not just to "spuds" but to any family member who may be tempted to blab. Knowing how this chick is I cannot fathom why your friend would be so shortsighted as to tell "spuds" anything at all.
She should probably also sell or try to exchange her dress and get another one (and not tell "spuds") and I would even change up the reception food to something totally different and unique
Post # 4
My friend unfortunately is subject to a lot of family pressure from her fiance’s end. If his mother doesn’t end up telling her first, then Spuds makes sure to ask my friend right in front of her. She doesn’t want to be rude, and she feels like her hands are tied because this girl makes it seem as if she’s interested, and that’s she’s excited my friend is getting married because soon they’ll be family. My friend has taken in to consideration changing the food, but she’s wanted this from the start and doesn’t want to change her wedding for this girl.
Post # 5
Wow. That sounds like a MESS. =/ Spuds is definitely playing dirty.
Unfortunately, I’m not sure there’s anything your friend can do other than refuse to share any details of her wedding plans with Spuds. And try to get a different dress, if possible (if not, she shouldn’t really worry — brides all look so different on their wedding days, and while some people will notice, it’s not like other people have never worn that dress before!).
Pass along hive *HUGS* to your friend!
Post # 6
Like Ms Mini said, she should avoid telling any family members that might blab too.
And in order to avoid the awkward conversations, she could always lie. *shrugs* It sounds bad, but really, what Spuds is doing is awful. And if simply saying "oh, well I’m thinking of THIS" (instead of THAT) will fix that…then so be it. =) If, come the day of the wedding, Spuds or a family member comments on the fact that they weren’t told the truth, have your friend say "Oh, well after Spuds’ wedding, I saw how similar they were going to be, and hurried to change them! I didn’t want it to look like I was copying someone else’s wedding!". (HAH to Spuds.) If she doesn’t want to be so in-your-face with the comment, she could always just make a vague mention of how she can never make up her mind, hah hah, and so she just decided on something else, but forgot to mention it.
Post # 7
Tell he to repeat this line "Me and FH have decided we want to keep the details about our wedding a surprise, so I can’t tell you X" … she has to say it over and over so it is the automatic reply to every wedding related question
Post # 8
Wow, drama! I second everyone who says your friend definitely needs to keep her mouth shut about her wedding details, even if it means just flat out not responding to Spuds. It might be too late to change some of the things she’s already told and that have then been copied, but maybe some parts of it can be changed up a little by her wedding. The one bit of silver lining is that since Spuds’ wedding is first, your friend can definitely observe during it and then switch up things to make hers different when it comes around. Best of luck to your friend and tell her to remember no matter what, it WILL be her and her fi’s special day when it does come– no one can take that from them.
Post # 9
Yeah, I agree. Spuds is sneaky and your friend should just stop letting her in on wedding plans. If Spuds says something to about her, your friend could simply say "We really want our wedding to be unique and a surprise to all our loved ones, so we aren’t sharing a lot of details". I’d also tell your friend to tell her FI to zip his lips too… just in case he shares any info with his brother in passing.
Post # 10
Friend, you need to:
1) Tell your FMIL about the dress situation. Be as sweet as possible about it, but THE DRESS is where I draw the line. It should be known what she did. All you have to say is, "This weekend is going to be a fun one, my bridesmaids and I are going shopping for a new wedding dress! At first I was really disappointed that Spuds chose to get the exact same wedding dress that I had already bought, but I’m getting excited about finding something really different and special!"
2) Get a different dress. Get a fabulous one! You can sell your old one online for a good price.
3) Change all your wedding details that she’s copied. I know you love your colors and your food, but sometimes you have to fight fire with fire. The hive can help you come up with awesome new ideas! You have the benefit of more time than she does, you can come up with something really unique.
4) Don’t tell any of the wedding details anymore and instruct your fiance to do the same. Like someone else said, tell EVERYONE in your fiance’s family — "We want the details to be a surprise!" If you are pressured, LIE. I know its hard, but its required.
5) Keep your chin up. You are SO much better than her.
Post # 11
I hate to say it, I would first of all feed false info to her.
And as for the stuff she’s already stolen/copy cat-ted? Id take her off to the side, be as dead calm as I can be and say "I have you know..I will let everybody know that you did this. There will be no secret about this. I will NOT smile and nod and it will not go away. Now go get out there and either hire a coordinator who can make up for your lack of creativity and good taste or go buy yourself a Martha Stewart Weddings book..here’s a $5 in case you’re too lazy".
I’m older now, I don’t take crap anymore. Especially not from a relative.
It was hilarious. After I married my xh (had a huge, gorgeous, wedding with a hotel reception) all my cousins afterwards (other cousins had been married in churches and did their church reception hall for the reception) wanted a reception in a hotel. And of "COURSE" they wanted songs from Broadway musicals sung at their weddings AND had to have a harpist! (I had songs from Phantom and Jekyll and Hyde at my wedding and a fabulous harpist too for when I went down the aisle).
I might do the harpist and strings this time..but it is OK for ME TO STEAL MY OWN GOOD IDEAS!!! lmao.
Post # 12
I agreee completely with bellenga on both counts. Give her false info, and then tell her you’re not standing for this crap. Grr!
Post # 13
Well they say imitation is the greatest compliment but this is just ridiculous. Spud sounds a little… shall we say unhinged? I would tell your friend to do her best to be direct with SPUD and tell her that she will not share any more details of her wedding because she has already stolen her menu, her colors, and her wedding dress. I would then reassure your friend that everyone will eventually discover how venomous this little SPUD is and her future is unlikely to be very happy or easy. Sometimes, just being your own best self and not rising to the bait is the way to avoid the drama and nastiness.
Post # 14
I agree with those who said ‘false info’…it’s the best thing to do! My sister had a friend who was kinda weird about finding out all of her details and using them too-it got to be REALLY obvious when she asked about what the groomsmen would be wearing and when my sister replied "baby blue with ruffles" the girl thought that sounded great and started thinking about it. She really needs to go with MUMS THE WORD! BUT, bright-side is this: it’s her wedding day and it’s really about coming together with the one person who will make her feel whole for the rest of time; we all get so caught up in the fun and the glamour and romance, but really, it’s all there without the fancy apparel and fragrant florals; in the end all the little things are just that-little things. BEST OF LUCK!
Post # 15
She should say she has changed her mind about her colors. They are fuschia lime green damask orange and purple and she’s going for a circus theme. She will have the circus theme playing when she walks down the aisle and she’s chosen the most gorgeous non-traditional dress. I mean seriously. She should invite the idiot to be her MOH to keep her as close as can be, or change her hair dye a la Anne Hathaway in Bride Wars. I mean seriously how immature is it to BUY THE SAME DRESS. Has your friend already bought it? Maybe she can choose a different dress or move her wedding up to this FALL. This really bothers me.
Post # 16
Sneaky Spuds is going to regret these decisions 20 years from now since she didn’t make any of them with either of her 2 hemispheres of the brain… As for your pal, I’d say she do whatever she’s been planning but not share her choices. If she’s been wanted the food from a place since she was 7 years old, she should stick with it. No sneaky snake should make her change her plans. I do understand that she wouldn’t want to be compared, but this Spuds can’t possibly take ALL her ideas right? Okay, I need to go get some water. Spuds is making me thirsty…