- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
Ok so without making this super long here are the details in short.
I am 26 marrying my wonderful man whom I have been with for 8 years.
My Mom died 5 years ago, suddenly and at age 43.
My closest Aunt was recently diagnosed with late stage 4 lung cancer. (not sure she will even make it to wedding)
My closest Grandmother was hospitalized recently for 2 months due to a serious staff infection.
Future Mother In Law is cold and emotionally disconeccted (due to her negative outlook on her very cushy and priveliaged life. Complaining about coming to our engagement party)
I don’t have the “Bride” gene and I am not excited about my wedding….I AM excited about my marriage.
I am not comfortable being the center of attention.
My Dad has very generously put together a very large and over the top engagement party for us. With the help of many aunts, grandma’s and other family friends. LOTS of work went into this party. I am greatful.
I am not sure how to handle this though. I am not excited. My Mom missing is overshadowing everything and I can’t seem to shake it. People want to see an excited bubbly Bride and right now I dont’ feel like that.
I even quit planning my wedding entirely a month ago and passed EVERYTHING on to my fiance due to my hair starting to fall out.
In fact missing my Mom has morphed into no longer disliking my FMIL but to absolute disgust. I am pretty good at faking and smiling and biting my tongue when she is rude/insensitive but I’m worried with all my emotions bubbling right now I may lash out at her tonight.
I guess I am hoping for a few words of wisdom to help calm me down. I am anxious and feel as though one wrong word from anyone and I might lose it.
CAN ANYONE PLEASE HELP ME!
P.S. Been working out like a mad woman to de-stress, going to get a pedicure today to try and relax.