(Closed) 911 HELP BEES-Engagement Party Tonight Need Advice

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
652 posts
Busy bee

@WhityMarie:  Think about how your mother up in heaven would feel. She, would want you to be happy. Think about how she is smiling for you and wish to be there for you. Think about how much she wants to see your smiling face.

Smile for her. She will see that from up and above.

Smile for the other people like your father who put this together for you.

Post # 4
Member
218 posts
Helper bee

@WhityMarie:  Oh I really feel for you, this should be a night of happiness and love not worry.  I find when I have an overwhelming urge to let go on someone who is annoying me that it’s better to kill them with kindness.  Most people who wind you up know that they do (your FMIL probably does) so if you revert to being overly polite and nice it gives them such a shock they leave you alone. 

Plan B could always be to get really drunk say what you really want to then blame it on the alcohol but probably not the best idea lol

Try and stay calm and enjoy the experience of your engagement party to celebrate you and the man you love x

Post # 5
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Agree with PP, try to have a good time for your mom’s sake. She would want you to be happy! 

Also, you deserve this wonderful night. It’s only one night, and one that you’ll probably remember for a while. Don’t let anything ruin it. Enjoy your pedicure and try and de-stress as much as possible. 

Good luck, and try your best to have a wonderful time! It’s not often that someone throws a party in your honor. 

Post # 6
Member
12250 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Do you see a grief or loss therapist? It won’t help with your party tonight, but it could help you handle all the events coming in the near future!

Post # 8
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

HUGS for you.  So hard to go through your wedding without your mom.

Feelings are part of our humanity.  I sometimes think we are tainted by TV because everyone on tv behaves as they are supposed to all the time.  Then again – maybe that’s why we like reality shows.  Because don’t behave the “right” way.  

Anyway – do your best tonight – whatever that looks like.  Don’t be too hard on yourself.  

This too shall pass.

Post # 9
Member
1063 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

best of luck tonight and many positive thoughts your way! in my family we just lost my dad’s brother, sister, and mother in 3 consecutive years. it is hard and makes things that are supposed to be fun hard. one thing my dad said that stuck with me is that after his brother died everyone felt like we shouldn’t have holidays and should basically be in mourning. but then after his sister he said that if only we had enjoyed the holidays between those two deaths that would have been more happy times spent with his sister, so now even tho we’re sad she’s gone we have to keep having happy times together while we can, because we wish so much later that we enjoyed every second we could together. i hope you enjoy the time you have with your dad, fiance, aunt and others, and that the detractors (fmil) will fade to the background.

in meditation and also in cognitive therapy, when negative thoughts come people try to practice acknowledging their existence but letting them pass, a common metaphor is like a train going by. so maybe an annoying comment, display, or thought re: fmil will come up, but maybe you can choose to let that thought or words pass by you so you can continue to enjoy the positive people and things that surround you.

one more thought, in grief counseling an important step in the end of the grief cycle is ‘creating new bonds’ with the deceased, which basically means that even tho they are gone, your relationship with them hasn’t ended; it has drastically changed and people need to rework their connection with that person to a healthy one that honors what they had and their lingering impact in your life. people do this through big or small remembrances of people, living their lives in a way that honors what that person taught you or believed in, and not letting their memory be forgotten (while also allowing yourself to continue to lead your own life and move forward). people’s comments about being happy because your mom wants you to be happy i think are good thoughts.

good luck and good thoughts to you!! i hope that once you get their the love and support from your fiance, father, and others, which is what the night is about, comes through above the clutter!!!

Post # 10
Member
9234 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Oh sweets, I’m so sorry! Have you thought about eloping? It seems like an appropriate situation for it.

Post # 11
Member
4662 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

don’t pressure yourself to feel a certain way. just enjoy the evening as any other evening with friends getting together. 

and no matter what it will be over in a few hours anyway. 

Post # 12
Member
7241 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@WhityMarie:  Hey, I’m just reading this but I wanted to see how it went. My mom died almost 4 years ago and big events ALWAYS make me miss her. My sister and I both had thinning hair issues after she died as well. I hope you were able to find a therapist. Therapy REALLY REALLY helped me (and I didn’t go until last year!). 

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