(Closed) Cancer

posted 9 years ago in Wellness
Post # 3
Member
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I just wanted to say that I can’t relate, but my heart still goes out for you and your family.  I hope for the best for everyone in this situation!

Post # 4
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this.  Unfortunately, I can relate.  My mom was diagnosed with MDS in ’06, which became Leukemia in Dec. ’07.  She had a bone marrow transplant and was on the road to recovery, but we found out in January that the cancer has returned.  I know I can’t involve her as much as I would like to, but I try to involve her in the planning as much as I can.  Sometimes its really hard to be excited about the wedding because all I really want is for her to be okay.

Post # 5
Member
6010 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I just wanted offer my support and encouragement.  I’m keeping your family in my thoughts!

Post # 6
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

My aunt was diagnosed with luekemia in Aug of 01, when her daughter, my cousin was seriously dating a guy.  She took a turn for the worse in the spring of ’02 and my cousin got engaged.  She ended up passing away in August of ’02 and didn’t make it to see her only daughter’s wedding in June of ’03.  It was a very difficult time for our family, but my cousin wasn’t in the frame of mind to get married when she was helping her mom through the last stages of cancer, so it was just too hard to try to plan something quick just so my aunt could see it.

I’m sorry to sound morbid, just wanted you to know I care, and I know it’s a tough situation.   think it’s important enough that your mom knows you are happy and are getting married.  But I hope she gets better very soon and goes into remission!  Keep her involved in your wedding planning, it may help keep her mind off things if you involve her in everything.

Hugs, prayers and thoughts go out to you!

Post # 7
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m so sorry! Its never a good time to get a diagnosis like that…especially when trying to plan a wedding.  

I haven’t dealt with cancer coming back, but my Dad was recently diagnosed.  He has started chemo and radiation, and so far he is handling it OK…I think mostly because he is trying to keep a positive attitude. 

 It has definitely made planning harder…mostly because, like e.louise, I just want him to be OK.  The flowers and the cake just don’t seem as important compared to having him there.  I know that both my parents aren’t as available to help with the planning as we would all want to be, but thats OK – the wedding has really given him something to look forward to and be excited about. 

I’m sure your mom is so happy and proud that her daughter is marrying a wonderful man.  It sounds like you are still waiting to hear a final diagnosis…so maybe once you know you can decide what to do about your wedding plans (we thought about moving ours back, but instead he is just going to get his next round of chemo the monday after the wedding).  Also, keep in mind that in difficult times, people find extraordinary strength…I’m sure that your mom can and will get through this!  I think that the best thing you can do is be there for her, and stay focused on the positive.  Even though this is a really tough time for your family, it is still a time for celebration of love and life!

 

 

Post # 9
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

@tag- I’m so sorry you are going through this.

One of my friend’s moms had ovarian cancer throughout the time that we were in college and just afterward.   I think she went into remission 4 times.  We saw each remission as a gift and spent as much quality time with her as we could.  She was truly, truly an amazing woman.

Enjoy the time where she is in remission and try not to think too much about what might be… So that you don’t spoil what you have.

I’m wishing you and your mom the best, and hopeful that she is able to participate in all the planning, dress shopping, and excitement.

Hugs.

Post # 10
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I’m so sorry to hear about your mom.  I can’t imagine how hard it is to have what should be the happiest time in your life intersecting with what could be one of the saddest.

Did you catch Mrs. Pineapple’s recent post?  Her MIL died shortly after their wedding.  They were so concerned about having her there, that they had a small and intimate civil ceremony a few months in advance in case she wasn’t able to be there for the original date.

http://www.weddingbee.com/2009/03/12/love-again-loved-always/#more-86448

My aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer shortly after my cousin was engaged.  They decided to postpone the wedding until my aunt finished treatment.  Then, my aunt passed away as a result of complications from treatment 6 months before my cousin’s wedding.  It was a total shock, because my aunt had a clean bill of health, having finished the chemo and radiation, so wedding planning was underway.  It turned out that she had an infection in her heart, the symptoms of which were masked by the steroids she was taking.  She died in her sleep 6 months out.

It was really hard for us, but my cousin decided to go ahead with her wedding despite the loss of her mom.  When I was planning my wedding, my mom made me promise that no matter what, the wedding would go on.

It sounds like your mom is a strong woman- she has survived for 5 years battling the cancer.  I’m not going to say, "don’t worry about it," but I will say, don’t necessary assume the worst.  There’s also a saying, "Assume the best, plan for the worst," that seems like the best option for you.  That means talk to your mom about what she wants to do (and understand it may change over time as her condition improves/deteriorates and new info is known about her prognosis).

Have you spoken to your mom about her wishes?  Would she like to see you married sooner?  Perhaps you could do something like the Pineapples did?  Have you and your FI talked about what you want to do in case your mom is unable to be at the wedding?

I know it’s really hard to talk to our loved ones about these things- especially when it involves recognizing their mortality.  Perhaps a counselor- like a grief counselor or family therapist- might have some advice on how to talk about this with your family so that it is the least upsetting.  Maybe even visitng a counselor with your mom could help?

Speaking frankly about our loved ones’ mortality is really hard.  My only advice would be to make sure you know your mom’s wishes.  Think of how comforting it will be to know were able to make her happy, and think of how you would feel if you avoided the discussion and never knew.

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Post # 11
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

my fiance’s mom was diagnosed with skin cancer in 2007 and it came back in 2008. she underwent some surgery at the beginning of this year and looks to be in good health.

our thoughts and prayers go out to you.

Post # 12
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I haven’t had to deal with this, but I just wanted to let you know that I feel for you. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but you have a wonderful support group here. I’ll keep you and your mother in my prayers.

I hope she gets better and gets to see you marry.

Have you read the posts by Mrs. Pineapple? She got married early because her FI’s mother was sick:
http://www.weddingbee.com/2008/09/22/you-do-sweet-me-too/

Have you thought of having a quick ceremony so your mother will be there for your wedding, and still having your big shindig in August?

Post # 13
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

Tag117 – That really sucks that you are having to deal with this now.  I had a somewhat similar situation – my mom was diagnosed with non-hodgkin’s lymphoma about 8 years ago.  She underwent chemo then was in remission for a couple years.  The cancer came back, but they decided to "watch and wait" which meant no treatment.  After a few years the cancer was growing and she had a stem cell transplant that was just awful.  I got engaged a few months after that transplant, and always had the concern that the cancer would come back in the back of my head.  It is something that pretty much hangs over your head from the moment a loved one is diagnosed – will she be at my wedding? will she be there when I have kids? 

The main positive of all of this is that I make sure to always make the decision to spend more time with her rather than less.  To be thankful that she is around now and was able to be a part of my planning and my wedding.  To see her looking healthy and happy when just a couple years ago she was ravaged by chemo.  Knowing she will never be cured, but she might still have many great years ahead of her.  All I can suggest is to take the opportunity you have now, be greatful for her involvement where possible and try not to focus TOO much on what might happen.  I had a friend whose mother passed away in college from colon cancer, and thinking about how she lost her mother so young helps me be grateful for the time I do have.  IF you think that things might really take a drastic turn for the worse, then by all means make sure you think through what you want a la Mrs. pineapple’s early wedding.  But from what you wrote, that could be entirely premature and unnecesssary.  Sorry for rambling, my thoughts are with you and prayers that your mother’s health improves.

Post # 14
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

tag117 i am really sorry for what is going on. enjoy every moment you have.

I can relate. October of last year (just one year until my actual wedding) I sat at the dinner table with the family to hear those gruelin words of "we have to talk to you". Little did I know I was being told my grandfather (the rock of the family) had cancer yet again… 3rd time with cancer… all 3 times were different cancers. He would be going in for immediate surgery to remove a percentage of his stomach and it shouldn’t be a problem recovering. (since this day in age people opt to do this to lose weight and can live with very little stomach, and the stomach does grow back over time).

As selffish as it sounds all I could think of was myself.. and the very first words I had muttered when my FI had proposed to me. "wow, grandma and grandpa get to actually see me get married"  ((it was the one thing i had ever wanted since i was so close to them. i’m 21 and had lived in the same house as them til i was about 10))

Although my grandfather’s surgery was a success and they had "gotten it all", and he even walked the same day his surgery was done, my grandpa got pneumonia in the hospital and after an awful week he sadly passed away on November 11th. My wedding is October 23rd and there will be tears of joy and tears of sadness. I will miss him dearly and in Jan. even tossed the idea of changing the marriage date since they are just so close.

Post # 15
Member
7054 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I just want to give you the biggest hug ever..know you and your family are in my prayers.  I pray for her to go into remission and that it lasts this time.

My mom is having a cat scan in 3 days for nodule they found in her chest.  She doesn’t smoke, and had pneumonia in december, which is what I hope the nodule is related to.

I lost a dear friend to breast cancer last summer.  She was a vibrant, beautiful woman who always wanted me to be fearless and live life on my own terms.  I also work one day a week in Pet studies and the patients I see mostly are cancer patients, and I work as hard for them as I can.  They are some of the most lovely, and beautiful people in the entire world and we fight just as hard along with them.  You tell your mom that she’s not alone.  Many are pulling for her and wishing her well from afar.

Many blessings to you and your family.  This is a difficult time.  I would ask that maybe you talk with your minister or a church counselor right now so you can be as supportive to mom and also so you can get support for YOU too at this time.

 

  

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