I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. I can’t imagine how hard it is to have what should be the happiest time in your life intersecting with what could be one of the saddest.
Did you catch Mrs. Pineapple’s recent post? Her MIL died shortly after their wedding. They were so concerned about having her there, that they had a small and intimate civil ceremony a few months in advance in case she wasn’t able to be there for the original date.
My aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer shortly after my cousin was engaged. They decided to postpone the wedding until my aunt finished treatment. Then, my aunt passed away as a result of complications from treatment 6 months before my cousin’s wedding. It was a total shock, because my aunt had a clean bill of health, having finished the chemo and radiation, so wedding planning was underway. It turned out that she had an infection in her heart, the symptoms of which were masked by the steroids she was taking. She died in her sleep 6 months out.
It was really hard for us, but my cousin decided to go ahead with her wedding despite the loss of her mom. When I was planning my wedding, my mom made me promise that no matter what, the wedding would go on.
It sounds like your mom is a strong woman- she has survived for 5 years battling the cancer. I’m not going to say, "don’t worry about it," but I will say, don’t necessary assume the worst. There’s also a saying, "Assume the best, plan for the worst," that seems like the best option for you. That means talk to your mom about what she wants to do (and understand it may change over time as her condition improves/deteriorates and new info is known about her prognosis).
Have you spoken to your mom about her wishes? Would she like to see you married sooner? Perhaps you could do something like the Pineapples did? Have you and your FI talked about what you want to do in case your mom is unable to be at the wedding?
I know it’s really hard to talk to our loved ones about these things- especially when it involves recognizing their mortality. Perhaps a counselor- like a grief counselor or family therapist- might have some advice on how to talk about this with your family so that it is the least upsetting. Maybe even visitng a counselor with your mom could help?
Speaking frankly about our loved ones’ mortality is really hard. My only advice would be to make sure you know your mom’s wishes. Think of how comforting it will be to know were able to make her happy, and think of how you would feel if you avoided the discussion and never knew.
I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.