Post # 1
I just read an article that mentioned people from differing political parties in a relationship and was thinking how I could never ever date a republican. And it got me thinking about my other “deal breakers” that I had when looking for a boyfriend. I guess I got to be a little more exacting/picky because I signed up for match.com so I got to know lots of basic things about the guys I was looking at before getting emotionally attached to them (I get sometimes you fall in love with someone you wouldn’t have looked twice at on paper!).
But anyways, I thought it’d be interesting to see what people’s deal-breakers were. How strongly you feel about them, and how many you have! For me:
- Must love animals and not be allergic to them! I can’t live without pets and I wouldn’t even consider dating someone who wasn’t okay with that (and preferred that THEY loved pets too).
- Must not be conservative. I can deal with someone who is apathetic or who holds a few differing political views than me, but my political beliefs when it comes to social programs/human rights are based entirely on my moral beliefs so if someone disagreed with me I’d feel they were just a bad match values-wise with me.
- Must be open to the possibility of kids, and okay with teaching them the Lutheran faith. I was okay with the idea of someone of another faith and open to the idea of teaching children multiple faiths and letting them pick… but I could never be with someone who felt strongly that children must ONLY be brought up in another religion.
That was honestly it for the real deal-breakers. I had lots of other preferences, of course, but those were the only three things I felt I couldn’t bend on at all. How about you?
Post # 3
I think mine are:
Must be able to laugh at himself when needed
Must be open-minded and willing to try things at least once before being judgy
Must be respectful of myself, my opinions, my faith, and my political beliefs as I will be of his
Must treat others who can do nothing for him with kindness and respect
Must love doggies 🙂
Post # 4
Your post made me giggle because DH votes conservative/Republican and is allergic to animals. I’m super liberal and we have a cat and a dog! Our values line up more than you’d think, though we do disagree on some things. It definitely makes for lively conversation (especially right now in election season!)
Post # 5
I have a few of the same dealbreakers as you do!
- I agree that whoever I date must love animals and be ok with cats, since I have one.
I also want someone who shares my liberal beliefs, and I could never date someone who was homophobic or racist
Another dealbreaker would be someone who is not emotionally mature and/or someone who has trouble expressing his feelings and communicating.
Most of all, I want someone who is ready for THE relationship. He must want marriage and children in his future. After my last relationship ended because my SO wasn’t ready to discuss the future, this is now a huge priority for me.
Post # 6
-Rude to service staff (waitresses, bartenders, etc)
-Won’t have my back
-Votes Republican/Against same-sex equality/racist
Post # 7
I have a few I’m pretty strict about.
– Must be pro-choice: I am very pro-choice, and I would never, ever want to be in a position where I want an abortion and my male partner wanted to be a father.
– Must value education and be pursuing/have pursued higher education
– Care about social justice (eta- I include in this things like support for equal marriage, support for women’s rights, cares about the rights of Aboriginals, immigrants, and other vulnerable populations)
– Must respect me as my own person, and must respect themselves
Also, because I have a child already, liking children and being willing to parent a non-biological child was my biggest dealbreaker. I’ve dated plenty of people who weren’t into kids and who I never had involved with my child, and that was fine for dating casually, but a serious partner had to be in it with the expectation of joining our family.
Post # 8
LOL My only deal breaker was the same as yours! I could never be with a conservative or republican. So judgmental and ridiculous I know.
Post # 9
@kittyface: You sound a lot like me! =)
My deal-breakers are/were:
– smoking or any other drug habit including weed, must be pro-choice
– must respect me (meaning not just me as an individual but as a strong, fiercly independent woman, respecting my body as well as my mind)
– must respect himself (including not abusing his body, able to take care of himself, able to be responsible for himself, be assertive, be kind, be strong)
Luckily for me, DH and I grew up together and we share a lot of common views.
Post # 10
-Not being willing to give up animals as I’m allergic
-Heavy social drinker/party animal
-Having kids or wanting kids
-Lack of motivation to better himself
Post # 11
Wow, I had completely different deal-breakers.
- Doing illegal drugs, or dependent on substances (I made an exception for DH, since he is addicted to caffeine)
- Disrespectful to his parents/not loving his family
- Different religion than me
- Must want kids! Lots of them!
Post # 12
I don’t have a list of things. I guess I always thought I’d like to have a dog or a cat but I fell in love with my husband and he is allergic to those animals. But I wouldn’t toss him aside because I can’t have a cat.
Post # 13
@CorgiTales: Mine were:
-must want kids and marriage down the road
-must be open-minded about religion and raising the kids with religion. I’m atheist, and this is a huge deal for me, I want my kids to decide for themselves what to believe rather then be forced into our beliefs.
–Must be respectful of myself, my opinions, my faith, and my political beliefs as I will be of his
-Cannot be a homophobe, racist or be descriminative of others
-Must be open to expressing his emotions, nothing worse then a guy that never compliments or tells you they love you and never wants to cuddle up on the couch.
-must have the same core financial and moral beliefs as me.
-not be a heavy partier or into drugs.
-must be geniuine, I hate people that pretend to be something they’re not. My ex was constantly telling his friends and family back home that he had all these expensive toys (motorcycle, snowmobile, etc.) and this great extravagant lifestyle, meanwhile he came home from work everynight and played video games, never wanted to go anywhere or do anything.
Post # 14
@Lt.Columbo: Same. I’m asthmatic and allergic and told myself I’d NEVER date a smoker, let alone marry one.
Guess who married a smoker. THISGIRL
Post # 15
Far too many to list!
I had a list of about 75 “must haves” and 75 “run for its” literally written down on paper. Literally, if someone I dated didn’t have all the must haves or had just a hint of 1 dealbreaker after 6 months of dating, they were not seeing me again! I told FI of my list on date 1 and showed it to him on date 3, figuring I’d scare him off! (it didn’t work obviously!). I pull the list out every now and then just to make sure he still fits the bill!
Post # 16
@MrsWBS: wow! he must be quite a guy 🙂