(Closed) Disowned

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I am so sorry that you are in this situation.  I can sympathize, unfortunately.  I married a woman and my family wanted no part of it.  We waited for three years after we were engaged, because we couldn’t imagine having a wedding without our families, but we finally decided to go ahead with it.  Parts of planning were very painful. For instance, our cake consultation made me cry. My mom does wedding cakes, it made me miss her. The day of our bridal shower was very hard. I could not stop thinking about my mom, aunts, sisters, etc. But once we were at the party we felt so loved, excited, and celebrated. They didn’t cross my mind any more that day. 

Our wedding day was 1 week ago. It was perfect!  We were aware that we might miss our families, but on the day of, neither of us did. I walked myself down the aisly, my wife walked with a close family friend.  There were so many smiling faces and so, so much joy!!! We truly feel that those who were supposed to be there, were there.  It was amazing.

Allow yourself to feel whatever you feel. It’s okay to grieve and to be sad and to be angry.  Hang in there!

Post # 5
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

what culture are you from? hopefully your parent will come around

Post # 7
1571 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This is such a hard situation. I hope your parents eventually realize they will miss out if they make you choose. My thoughts are with you!

Post # 8
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

First and foremost… I see you are NEW to WBee… this being your Debut Post… so a BIG Welcome to “the Hive”

CONGRATULATIONS on your Engagement… and on your future Medical Career.  That is quite an achievement.

Also, I admire your gumption and self confidence… to go against family’s wishes.

BUT you are right… Diversity & being open to others is a far better way to be… your children will thank you for your courage.

Ok Questions:

I get that you are still hoping that your Family will come around… how probable is that ?

Is there a chance that some will turn their backs on you… while others come out and support you just the same ?

Your vision of your Wedding in BOTH scenarios would look like what ?

(You mentioned walking down the aisle, a church etc… so you are thinking that it would be an event primarily for his family ? )

And worst case scenario… if the stress becomes too much would you and your Hubby-2B be thinking maybe the best thing would be to Elope, let the chips fall where they may… and then sometime after the Wedding have a family event (be that a Back Home Reception… or in a couple of years time a Marriage Celebration)

Any thoughts ?


Post # 10
7992 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

@NadiaN:  Hi there, and welcome to the hive!

Firstly, a lot of people on here have very fractious relationships with their parents, and will be able to sympathise. For example, I have had lots of problems with my mother over the years. But you are a strong woman, and you don’t need their permission to marry or live your life. Don’t worry about the little things, like who will walk you down the aisle… there are lots of posts on here which will help you to navigate it all, one decision at a time!

As someone who has known people in somewhat similar situations, I expect that your parents will eventually come around… although possibly not until after you are married and they realise that you will not change their mind, and that their stubborness will change nothing.

Will this mean that you have to plan your wedding alone? Well, no. You will have your friends and your lovely Fiance. Plus, for everything else, no matter how bizarre, you can always ask us bees!

Post # 12
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Sounds like a plan.  I am happy to hear that there will be some family involvement / support for you (that makes it a tad easier)

Your concept for an outdoor ceremony sounds lovely.

And I totally get the idea of not wanting to elope (save face).

Makes perfect sense.

As Rachel631: said, WBee is a pretty supportive community… just lean on us if you need some encouragement.

(( HUGS ))


Post # 13
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I must say, I really admire you for standing up for what you believe in, and, more importantly, for your love for your fiancé. 

I have had similar discontent from my mother, for religious, although not those of your heritage, reasons. Something that really keeps me strong is that feeling of a new family unit with my fiancé – I found it hard to conceptualise the idea of a new family other than my family of origin until I met him, but now it’s the centre of my world. It’s as it should be, and it makes me so happy. 

And the very best of luck to you both in med school – hang on in there; it’s worth it! 😉 

Post # 15
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

There is nothing “honorable” in throwing away real love for arranged love.  You are very strong to stand up for what you have and what you believe in.  You are doing the right thing.

If they care more about religion/culture or what people may think about you marrying the man you love, too bad for them.  You will be happy, that’s what matters.

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