Post # 1
I feel like my FI has a huge case of the flip-flops. Two days ago he says to me, “Babe, we’re 11 months out! We need to start planning!” We talk about it and he agrees that I should get a planning book.
Last night I told him I was going to go get a planning book, so I did. And I started reading and jotting down ideas. He comes in and we start talking about the wedding. I tell him at this point I just want to make the guest list firm and agree on bridesmaids/groomsmen, and other key players.
When we set the date and had an earlier wedding conversation, he agreed 50 people was a good number, that we shouldn’t have a flower girl, and that a bridal party of three each was good.
Last night he says he wants 100 people, a flower girl, and only 1 maid of honor/1 best man.
Honestly… wtf? I feel like he was either not paying attention the first time or doesn’t really know what he wants. But I can’t plan anything until he makes a decision and sticks to it.
I told him, half-joking, that I was going to write everything down, date it, have him sign it, and get it notarized! I’m already unhappy that he really feels like the wedding planning is my job and he should just show up (which he knows, I don’t pretend he’s a mind-reader, I tell him how I feel). I told him that I thought he was just not paying attention before or that he didn’t really know what he wanted and that I couldn’t plan on absolutely nothing. He shrugged and we ended the conversation there.
I mean, should I seriously write things down and be like “babe, we agreed on x, y, and z.”??
Post # 3
If he expects you just plan everything then no dont write it down just do what it is you want… flat out say, listen you didnt want anything to do with this and so this is what I chose to do. Period end of story. If you want to be involved in the rest of the process then lets make a decision and stick to it.
Post # 4
I agree with ESEDS … If he is leaving you in charge of the planning then plan away girlie! You MAY change your mind on things, dont let it stress you at all though. Just move on and keep planning. When it comes to a guest list, that is a very key part of the planning so that should be the first thing you focus your attention on (other than the budget) Good luck, I hope he comes around and see’s where you are coming from!
Post # 5
If he gave a reason for the changes I would think nothing of it. I’d talk to him again (when he’s in a mood to do more than just shrug). Explain that you want him to be happy with the wedding so you need his input.
A lot of times my FI is uninterested in details (such as BM dresses) so I just tell him “pretend you like this and listen to me talk about them.” Sometimes he does just that and other times he states his opinion.
Since your FI stated his opinion about the matter, I would want to listen to it. But, like you, I wouldn’t know if he wanted his first opinion or second opinion to be followed. Try your best to make it clear that he needs to help plan the wedding too.
Post # 6
J did some of this when we started planning. (The one that had me tearing my hair out was when he said he definitely wanted a dinner reception, but plated dinner was way too formal so we couldn’t do that, and he could never ask his elderly relatives to stand in line for a buffet, so that wasn’t an option either – I was like, “You have to pick one or the other!”)
What I eventually came to realize was that he had never really thought about what he wanted in a wedding before, and while I’m not the girl who planned her wedding when she was twelve, I had at least considered some of the options. And I was the one spending time researching and on the message boards. So while I had processed through a lot of my ideas and opinions without him, he was literally processing through 100% of his wedding thoughts with me. Meaning I got to see every time his opinion changed or he had new thoughts.
I’d be wiling to bet that you’ve seen lots of stuff that appeals to you in your wedding research. And that it won’t all fit into the same wedding. Right? Eventually you need to make those decisions, and choose between conflicting ideas that you like (even when you LOVE both ideas). It’s the same for your guy – he too has visions of things he likes, and they sometimes contradict. That’s normal. His are just on a different scale than yours.
I would say keep the discussion open with him. Talk about pros and cons of different options, and once you start making real decisions (together), if he keeps wavering, just gently remind him of WHY you two made the decision you did.
Post # 7
Is it possible that he really just changed his mind? Look how many times us girls change our mind about wedding things, boys can do it too. Maybe he just had a different idea of what he wanted after having more time to think about it.
Post # 8
That’s a very helpful insight that I honestly hadn’t thought of. Of course I’ve changed my mind a zillion times, lol! I guess I should be more understanding and thankful that he does sort of want to be involved.