Post # 1
Significant other has been working 80 hour work weeks lately with his job (He is a refrigeration mechanic, so in the summer, it comes with the territory)
I’m just frusturated because we’ve been having stupid little fights that have been escalting into bigger arguments. It’s like he’s picking on every little things wrong me and just making it seem like a HUGE deal. Now I know it’s in relation to the hours he is working – he is definately overworked and tired but It still hurts me when he says hurtful things none the less. He realizes this and apologizes but the shit he says, I can’t forget as easily because they pick on my character and the things I do and they are pretty mean at that time. Has anyone else been through this? How do you deal? I’ve been trying to stay out of his way and make things easier for him but it’s like walking on egg shells, I say ONE wrong thing and holy man, hold the phone, here comes the argument. I want to talk to him about it but I don’t want to have another arguement…
Post # 3
That is really hard. I know last night, I was extemely tired, overworked from working 60 hours that week, then cleaning house, and still managing to host a bbq Saturday night. So, last night I was cranky and being a little mean. Not intentional, I even noticed it and apologized right away.
I would say talk to him about how you are feeling. Don’t make it seem like you are attacking him. I know when I talk to my SO, I tell him this is how I am feeling in the current situation, I am merely telling you so that you are aware and we can work on it, I don’t want an arguement, I want to work this through. I literally say just that, he usually stops, thinks, and then comes back with a constructive answer realizing I don’t want to fight, I just want to resolve the situation.
Post # 4
@lilymarie23: Tough situation. You both have to cut each other some slack. I would wait until a day where you are both relaxed and talk to him about how he’s making you feel. Make it a conversation, not an argument. “BF – I know you are overworked and tired, but it’s hurtful when you say X Y and Z… going forward, please don’t ridicule me as a way of blowing off steam, it’s not fair to me.” Suggest solutions, like a safe word… before an argument erupts, yell out a safe-word (preferably something funny – i.e. “PICKLES!”). The safe word mean you call a moratorium on the conversation for a least 10-15 minutes, go your separate ways, the re-address… cooler heads always prevail.
Now we are getting your side of things, but he has a perspective in this too… you have to hear it and adjust your behavior accordingly. Is it possible you are wearing on his nerves when his patience is already thin? Are you upset, disappointed that he isn’t home as often and are taking it out on him in any way? (I’m just throwing it out there, I very well could be way off base).
Two good lessons for you – 1. Don’t fight about things you have no control over (i.e. he’s got a job with long hours and neither of you like it… tough shit, it is what it is). And 2. Re-frame how your percieve these types of issues… don’t look at this current situation as a big, deal-breaker problem, look at it as an opportunity to grow in your relationship. It’s a chance to communicate how you are making each other feel and a chance to change some not-so-great behaviors for the person you love.
BUT – if you are legitimately not doing/saying anything wrong and/or he’s not open to adjusting his behavior, scrap what I said and kick his ass! 🙂
Good luck OP.