- 5 years ago
Hello all! It’s a long post, but you can skip to the end for a to-the-point question 🙂
I’m new to this community but I’ve been reading other bees’ posts in search of relationship advice/answers. I’m hoping I can get some advice from all types of relationships because I’ve suddenly had these weird feelings of doubt. I think it’s a case of reality kicking in but you can sound off any and all opinions in the thread.
Here’s a small dose of info: I’ve been with my BF for over 8 months now, mostly it has been a LDR. I’m 23 and in the middle of earning my Master’s degree, he’s 23 and will be going back to school for a MBA in the fall.
We were crazy about each other right from the start. I had a slight moment of panic when I realized I loved him after a month of official dating. I’ve always been an uber-rationalist and I didn’t know if I was being a silly love-sick girl or if it was the real deal. *I had never been in a relationship before.* As time went on, I realized that I really DID love him. He told me that he loved me at the 4 month mark, and I was 100% ready to say it back.
Since then, we have discussed getting married in a lighthearted manner i.e. no set timeline. I was giddy with excitement at the thought that I had found the man of my dreams. Before I met him, I was repelled by the idea of having kids. Now with him, I could see myself wanting to be the mom and dad duo that take care of the kiddos. He isn’t perfect, because nobody is, but he is perfect for me. But as the months have passed, the topic of marriage/engagement is getting more and more concrete.
Here is where the doubt suddenly hit:
My mother came to visit me for my brithday about a week ago. We talked about my BF and I told her seriously, “Mom, if you have any issues regarding my BF, this is the time to say it now because soon it will be too late to talk any sense into me.” She then replied with, “I’ve always worried about you settling. I don’t worry about your little sister doing that, but I worry with you.” Gee, thanks. She never mentioned my BF’s name paired with settling at the least. After she said the dreaded word “settling”, shreds of doubt have crept into my mind like a poison. The weekend prior to this incident, my boyfriend finally put dates on our ellusive marriage timeline – we would think about rings around November. The concrete-ness of “November” and the term “settling” have all collided into one mental mess that I can no longer sort out.
I love my BF very much, but I’ve always been terrified to commit to things. He’s kind, makes me laugh, supports me, and I know he will be a great family man and father. Our relationship is easy and carefree. But ever since my mom mentioned settling, it’s nagged me. I don’t think that I am, but how am I able to tell the difference between an easy and love-filled relationship and settling? I’m terrified at the idea of marrying him right now so that worries me. I haven’t dated enough guys (or any guys for that matter) to have any feelings to base this on. Suddenly I find myself doubting my relationship and if it truely makes me happy. I’m just freaking out and I don’t know what to do! Because my BF only comes to visit every 2 weeks, I’m left to stew in my feelings and not ground myself in our relationship.
Has this happened to any one of you bees? Do you know what the difference between “easy” and “settling” is? Please help!