Sexting

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1173 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@flyingpotato:  There is no timeline on when the pain of betrayal will go away. Everyone has their own internal emotional clock. You have decided to stay and their is no excuse for what he did, however it seems he is making an effort. Perhaps some self searching.

You say that you dont attend events with him because your shy, perhaps he was feeling abandoned because you dont attend things with him.

Maybe you should work on social skills, alot of guys like their SO’s to be more active in their social lives. Perhaps thats a goal you could work on.

Im not saying its an excuse but maybe he was feeling left alone. Men are idiots sometimes and cant necessarily communicate their needs. Juvenile I know but perhaps since you are aware that you are shy can work on that. Maybe surprise him.

Post # 4
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@TexasSpringBride:  +1, very well said. Trust is hard to build, and even harder to rebuild after it has been broken. There is no timeframe…you have to go at your own pace.

Post # 6
Member
1173 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@flyingpotato:   if you have chosen to stay then you must decide if your going to work on trusting him or keep throwing it up. I understand anger and grief and trust issues. However it seems he is doing all he needs to to regain your trust. I cant agree with your parents. He didnt physically he cheat. He sexted one time and one time only. He has let you see his phone whenever you wish to look at it. Seems like he is really trying.

You have to decide, can you let him earn your trust back and be forgiving or will it eat at you. If the answer is that it will eat at you then you might want to end the relationship. It wouldnt be fair for you or him to stay in a relationship where you dont really forgive him and he keeps begging for forgiveness and it never happens. 

 

Post # 7
Member
2826 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@flyingpotato:  “He said the reason he did it is because we have been looking at moving in together and he wanted to see if he well and truly loved me and it hadnt just become the norm for him- can anybody see what he means? Because I struggle.”

With love, sweetheart, this ^^ is dumb as rocks. The reason you’re struggling to understand it is because it doesn’t make any sense. If you’re going to stay with him, then that’s your decision, but we both know you deserve better answers than this. “I wanted to make sure I loved you so I sexted with a next chick?” C’mon son.

Post # 8
Member
1625 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@flyingpotato:  If your SO has to sext with other girls to make sure he has feelings for you.. That would be a HUGE red flag for me. And no, I personally do not see what he means. Is he going to be constantly testing your relationship this way? What if he does something similar in the future, but actually finds something “better”? You definitely should not be moving in together if either of you is not sure of how you feel.

Post # 11
Member
9220 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@flyingpotato:  It’s only been a week, what you’re going through is normal.  I hope he never does anything to damage your trust ever again.  It will take time to heal from this, so give yourself time.  I wish you all the best.

Post # 13
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I know you said you’ve decided to stay, so I’m going to try not to convince you otherwise. The pain from this may never truly go away. In my books, this is cheating. Even if you try to move on, how will you be able to trust him again? I would not be able to get over the “what if” part of it all.

FTR, my university boyfriend cheated on me. I worked through it and forgave him, and he turned around and did it a second time. I learned then.

Stay if that’s what you want, but don’t be surprised if something like this happens again. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Post # 15
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I agree with the all the above. There is no set timeline for you to stop hurting. Trust is the key to any relationship, and once its broken there is no telling when/if you can trust him again. My question is why was he reaching out sexually to this other woman? There is no excuse. When you are in a realtionship your love/attention should be focused on that person. If it isn’t then why be in a realtionship. I’ve been cheated on before back in HS and to be honest, it gave me TONS of trust issues and its something I will never forget.

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