Post # 1
I’m starting to think my SO wants it to be a surprise. I’m guessing for a lot of you it might sound confusing why I don’t know for sure, but we just don’t talk about it that often. When we did talk about it (all of 3 times in the last year) he’s said something like, “well I can’t tell you everything” and “some of it has to stay a surprise.” But the thing is, he hasn’t told me Anything lol Also, when we did talk about it in terms of timelines he seems to think telling me when is the huge secret, not realizing that he can give me a wide range (but not too wide lol). I think he has this fantasy that the person proposed to should not have any idea of when its coming, and it almost came as a shock to him when I said last year that most people discuss marriage prior to getting engaged and that when someone proposes they should be fairly confident of what the answer will be lol
So this is my long-winded way of asking you bees, did your SO’s tell you flat out that they want it to be a surprise, or did you have to deduce it from the way they discussed (or didn’t) the topic? Also, how do you distinguish from them wanting it to be a surprise and not wanting to spoil it from them just not being ready to talk about it?
Post # 3
I proposed to my partner, but I also told him that I was planning to propose. Most people don’t like surprises, much less life altering ones that require an immediate answer.
Post # 4
SO wants to surprise me. However, we’ve been together almost 6 years and have been talking about marriage for about 5 in hypothetical terms. SO is very willing to talk about us getting married and details of the wedding, but he has made it clear that the proposal is a no no zone when we talk. I recently FINALLY got a 1.5 year timeline and I think he’s planning something sooner, but trying to throw me off. He says things like “I have it planned out” but that’s about it. He’s fine with me giving him ring photos and things like that. SO told me flat out that the proposal is the only thing the guy really gets to plan the way he wants it done. Once we get engaged, the woman typically has more say in the wedding planning.
I think you should be able to talk about wedding/marriage related stuff, but I definitly like the idea of a surprise. Although the wait is KILLING ME, I know it’ll be worth the special moment
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo
I think most men want it to be *mostly* a surprise. Or they at least want to feel they surprised you even if you were involved in picking the ring or something XD
I’ve only had one (brief) discussion about the possibility of getting engaged with BF and was very surprised to hear that he “has a plan”. Naturally I asked what that meant but he was just like “yeah, you aren’t finding out”. Ahurr.
I think their reaction to the question is how you know if they’re ready or not. Someone who clams up or gets kind or gruff/unresponsive, I’d bet they aren’t ready and don’t want to think marriage for sure. If someone is open then they’re more likely to be ready (though some men do string along their women this way – not that I think your man is doing this :)). BF went all kind of soft and huggy and I asked him so I’m happy to trust him ^^
Post # 6
@MaidMarian: Yeah, I think mine still needs some time to just get used to the idea that I might be bringing it up lol He wants to get an apartment first, so I think (and hope) that once that happens he’ll be more open to these type of discussions. My plan for the next year – bring it up on occasion when really necessary or it somehow comes up, slowly more an more often until we have a concrete-ish discussion, and then SIU until it happens. But I think I still have a while until I need to fully shut up.
Post # 7
- Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo
@Kat_Kit2000: haha sounds like a plan! I guess it’s not too surprising that some men will think their partners should be completely bowled over by a proposal XD but that’s not really how modern day women work is it? XD
I think I’ll kind of be doing what you plan to – focus on moving in (he knows that I feel a little awkward about living together for too long without being at least engaged) and then if our third anniversary rolls around without him bringing up a serious conversation then I’ll do it myself ^^
All the best to you x
Post # 8
My SO wants the actual events of the proposal to be a surprise, although he did tell my mom his plan just to make sure she likes it and she thought I would like it (she does on both counts!) but he knew I would go insane if I didn’t get any details, so he was willing to give me a bit of a timeline, which I deduced based on other things he said to what I think is a more specific timeline. Thankfully, he’s willing to talk about wedding related things all the time.
Post # 9
My SO wants it to be a surprise, but he’s A) terrible at surprises and B) we’ve already discussed marriage in great detail. So I know it’s coming, and I have an idea of when (between August and November) – but I’m allowing him to plan everything else. I did have a talk with his best friend about SO’s lack of ability to keep surprises a surprise, and he agreed to ty and reign him in so that he doesn’t just tell me about it before the proposal happens haha.
Post # 10
i knew the general time frame, we talked about it alot. then as it got closer, i knew it was one of 2 weekends. i just didn’t know how.
FI sent wrote poems and sent me on a scavenger hunt through the city, it was the best proposal ever!
Post # 11
@Kat_Kit2000: My boyfriend absolutely wants to suprise me. Ring is picked, it’s just a matter of him and his timing. I’ve mentioned it in past posts related to this subject, but I know alot of the big draw of the suprise factor for him is that I am constantly snooping and messing up suprises he plans. It’s kind of a running joke and I think he’s taking pulling one over on me as a challenge 🙂