Post # 1
Hi Bees- hope you are all having a lovely start to spring (or fall)!
Our RSVP date has come and gone. You guessed it, we are still missing some RSVPs. Normally I wouldn’t mind that some people are a bit forgetful and would let it fly for a few more weeks. But I am going crazy with numbers. We are actually at 124% rsvp rate. That means we have had several people add additional guests to our numbers (not including the plus ones we already included). Of the 45 people who have rsvp’d we have a total of 57 guests. And that does not count the people who haven’t responded yet. I thought we are supposed to account for a 20% decline rate????
I am a bit shocked about the numbers. And a bit disappointed to be honest. Several people are bring extra family members who are travelling with them that I have either not met or would not choose to spend time with. It is a tropical destination wedding so I guess I need to stop thinking about having an intimate wedding and focus on how great everyone’s vacation will be.
Since I love playing on the polls on the Bee, I have included a little one in here. Its to do with seating since my mind is already boggled on how I can do this. Explanatory comments always welcome! Thanks Bees!
Post # 2
When you are asking people to spend that much money on a wedding I think it would be common. I know if we went to a dw wedding it would use our vacation budget for the next couple of years. I am sorry that it isn’t going to exactly meet your vision though:(
Post # 3
How many ppl haven’t rsvpd yet and how far away is your wedding? Most Nos either RSVP later or don’t RSVP until you track them down. it sounds like you might be worrying prematurely.
Were doing a domestic destination wedding and some guests needed or asked to bring plus ones, but those ppl are more than offset by the declines. Also- did you forget to invite any natural/needed plus ones? I hear of some bees not inviting SOs or not giving plus ones to ppl who don’t know other guests or whose attending friends are all coupled up and then being surprised by guests wanting plus ones. For a destination wedding, it also seems that most young children should be invited in case they’re too young for the parents to leave or they don’t have child are for such a long trip. We counted all of those ppl in our initial guest list, so the only new ppl were new SOs who we didn’t know about beforehand.
either way, I don’t think your seating should split up ppl who came together. That sounds a bit odd. You want a table of plus ones or ppl you don’t know or don’t like that much?
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2015 - Dreams Las Mareas - Costa Rica
You have to keep everyone together. They are definetley using this trip AS their family vacation for the year… and thats ok. The people that are “add ons” will suffer and be bored to death if they have to sit alone… I dont think you want anyone to be miserable.
P.S. I think its great that they love you enough to revolve their family vacation around you 🙂
Post # 5
thanks for a quick reply. Some more requested details: 1)we are missing 12 individuals’ rsvp; 2)these were due back April 15th; 3) wedding is July 7th and nobody lives in the destination, so they would need to decide very quickly for flights and accomodation; 4) everyone got a plus one and an invite for children (at the very very very strong insistence of in-laws); 5) none of the extra invites are sig others. For example friends parents who are meeting them there (have not met), third cousins niece (have met once), family friends’ adult daughters (FI has never met and not the nicest candy in the box).
I do feel very blessed to have all of our friends and family be able to come to the wedding. I know its tough even for a domestic wedding, let alone a destination wedding!
Seperate tables would be an option for two reasons 1)Because there is an age gap between guests and their additional guests (ex. friends’ parents or family friends daughters) and 2) I don’t really want to have people my parents don’t know sitting with them at a family table. It wouldn’t be a case of hiding the people i dont know in the back at a table all together…. it would more a case of putting all of our close friends of similar ages in one table, all older family friends in another, and close family in another table.
Post # 6
I’m going to suggest the alternative to what the PPs have said – but with a proviso that it will require more work. The most enjoyable weddings I’ve been to have always been the ones with excellent company. Taking the time to arrange the right mix of people is worth it. You might need to do some legwork though in trying to find out more about those ad-ons you don’t know anything about. I don’t think you should be afraid of mixing people up – particularly if they come on the trip together – surely for the few hours of the reception they could spend time meeting new people?
Post # 7
mrs_loml: I agree with PP to try and sit each group together if you can. If it is an awkward number or something, or as you said in your follow up post, you’d like to seat them by similar age, maybe you could seat them at adjacent tables? So they could still see/talk to each other while not having to be at the same table.
Post # 8
Thanks for the suggestion – thats a great idea! We do have an ice-breaker dinner, casual bbq, at the very start at the trip. So if I get crafty with escort cards and a table chart, maybe i could just play it by ear and see who hit it off or really would just like to spend the time with their travel companies. Thanks!
If that doesn’t seem feasible, emstar168 I will definitely go with your plan!
Thanks ladies – as always, just full of great ideas!
Post # 9
I would keep everyone together. It’s just dinner and I’m sure everyone will survive. It’s not like they are sharing a hotel room. If you want to limit your parents table to people they know then do so. I wouldn’t worry too much about the others. I’ve definately sat at tables with people I don’t know before and it wasn’t a big deal.
Post # 10
I think you need to tell the guests who have RSVP’d with extra people that those extra people cannot be accomodated at the wedding, especially as you don’t really know most of the extra people. I understand people making a vacation out of it, as I am also having a destination wedding, and I think thats fine for people to meet up or make it a family thing, but that doesn’t mean they need to come to your wedding, that’s just rude. I’m sure they can entertain themselves for the time that your guests they are travelling with will be at the wedding.
Post # 11
Am I the only person who would have been like “I’m glad you are being some guests to tropical location. Here are a list of things they can enjoy while you are at the wedding.” And expected them to not come to the ceremony and reception? i mean…it’s nice that you want to bring your adult kids to the beach with you, but you can just extend and invite for a wedding they aren’t invited to. You can always invite them to the welcome dinner, but a wedding is for this invited and not random family members.
so glad we aren’t doing a dw.
Post # 12
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
When did wedding guests get the privlige of inviting their own guests? That’s just not acceptable behavior to expect the bride and groom to pay for extra random, uninvited people. OP, respond to those guests who added people and let them know that your wedding will not be able to accomodate the extra guests. As a PP suggested, you could throw out ideas of alternative activities for that period of time. But please understand that you have no obligation to host people you did not invite. They are, essentially, wedding crashers.
Post # 13
Yeah, I’m in the “I’m glad you’re coming to a beatiful location for vacation, but you are not invited to my wedding” camp. Unless of course they are minors, then I can see where they have to come with their parents. But adults can entertain themselves for the day of the wedding, and enjoy the rest of the vacation with the family members who WERE invited to your wedding. I’m sorry, but if you want an intimate wedding, then have it!
Post # 14
Yeah, it sounds like you invited all the right plus ones (SO’s, all the minor children) so I’m in the camp that extra guests are not invited to your wedding. I’m just thinking of it like, if my friend and her husband are coming to my wedding, she wouldn’t invite her MIL to come too. Even if was a destination wedding, unless they need help taking care of the kids or something, there is no reason their vacation guests need to become your wedding guests. That is beyond rude.
But, it doesn’t sound like you’re taking that approach. I’m curious as to whether your parents and ILs are cool with this? It sounds expensive.
Post # 15
I’m glad as I scrolled down other people started commenting the same way I was going to. I can understand if you are flying to a DW, wanting to take a couple of extra days/have your family & friends to spend time with.. but that means that they lay on the beach/entertain each other on the day of the wedding. Not that they get tacked on to your guest list!
Honestly, especially considering that you already invited plus ones and children, you are being more than accommodating. I would call these people and explain that you are glad they are coming and going to enjoy the trip as a vacation with other family, but for the day of the wedding guests are limited to those whom the invitation is addressed. If you’ve already said yes to some people’s “extras” explain that you didn’t realize how many extras there would be and you cannot accommodate all of them at the wedding. End with something like – “we are going to make a list of activities available for those that need to stay busy the day of!”