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A back handed compliment

posted 3 years ago in Fitness
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    Honey
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    ejs4y8    June 20, 2009  

    I lost some weight since college and flattened out my stomach big time by watching what I eat and going to the gym 4-5 days a week. Some girls I went to college with (we're all like 23, 24 so I thought we were beyond this), that I don't even associate with, are gossiping that I had a tummy tuck. It's been "getting around" and I had a friend (who heard from a friend, who heard from another friend) who told me about this ridiculous rumor and how she tried to put a stop to it and how absurd it is. Yes, please tell me where I scrounged up that kind of money and time off work for a TUMMY TUCK at 22 years old when I a) have a house (and a fatty mortgage) and b) am paying for my own wedding.

    UGH. My friends are all "you should be flattered, take it as a compliment" So, have any of you gotten any "weird" compliments like that? It bugs me and I wanted to vent A back handed compliment :  wedding Icon Confused

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    Honey bee
    Gerbera    August 7, 2010   NY

    ejs,
    WOW. That is really mean and spiteful what they are saying behind your back. Personally, I would not take it as a compliment! You worked hard to be where you are! Ugh. They are just jealous that you look good and they don't! Try your best to ignore them. :::hugs::::

    From the other end of the spectrum....I have skinny genes (which also means lack of shape & body & boobs to fill out that beautiful gown I'm going to buy. hehe) and I can eat A LOT. I always kid that people must think I eat and then go barf in the toilet. Sometimes I do feel like people say that behind my back. And honestly, I don't! I've been told when I hit 30 it will all go downhill and I will be a fat, old, bald chinese lady; only kiddingly of course. Hahahah.

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    1. A back handed compliment :  wedding Img victorian_lilac.jpg (3.9 KB, 74 downloads) 1 year old
     
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    spunkyteach       Missouri

    just ignore it.  they're all probably very jealous of the things you have that they probably don't.  as much as you don't want to hear this, you're young and they probably just don't have anything better to do/talk about.  congrats on your weight loss...

     
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    Busy bee
    oyster    July 2010   Dallas

    Sounds like you have some mean (& possibly immature) friends.

    I have a really big bust; I remember the rumor in 7th grade was that I had stuffed my bra. The other rumor was that I wore white shirts all the time (I wasn't a very creative dresser) so the boys could see through them. (?!) Boys were the last people on earth I wanted attention from! I wanted to run and hide from everyone, I was so self conscious. But people harp on things and create rumors. Gossip sucks! :(

     
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    Sugar bee
    Tanya123      

    So these are girls who you knew in college but weren't really friends with?  I agree that it doesn't seem like a compliment at all.  But  I guess you could take it to mean that they at least really think your tummy looks flat.  But I also agree that it sounds like they are jealous.

    Enjoy your hard work.  Forget them.

     
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    Bumble bee
    JennyBryde    September 18, 2010   Moline, IL

    That's exactly right!  It is a compliment.  Maybe you should write them a thank you note for being so sweet and admiring your physique.  Remind them that it was done by sheer effort and then invite them to tell you what they've been up to since college.  I'd love to see their fat faces when they got that note. 

    Oh, excuse me....that was uncooth.  ;-)

     
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    bellenga    July 31, 2010   Georgia

    Ha..I LOOOVE these backhanded compliments.  I just turned 40 last week and I got a few from some women at work (not my coworkers).  One said "wow..you don't look LIKE 40".  I said "what does that look like?"  She said "well you know..out of shape, tired looking..frumpy."  I said "wow.  guess I'm either a mutant or on the brink of needing to rush out and buy a girdle and use my 401k for a facelift or something!"

    I had another ask me "are you really considering having a baby after you remarry?  I sure wouldn't at THAT age."

    It pissed me off.  I told her we were open minded and that my internal organs were better than most 30 year olds..and twenty somethings.  I'm nowhere near menopause and very well indeed internally.

    I just think some people are simply unhappy and want YOU to be happy especially if you have alot going RIGHT in your life..they see you happy, in love, glowing, and vibrant..and honestly, I think that PISSES off alot of the frenemies out there..

     
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    Honey
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    ejs4y8    June 20, 2009  

    Yeah no joke, it's the stupidest thing I'd ever heard but it still ANNOYS me. I'm not even friends with this girl in Texas, so I'm sitting here going, "we never ever talk, we don't even run in the same circles, so who did she even hear this thing from?!" So i have no idea where it originated, but I don't want to put my friend (the one who told me about it) in an awkward position by confronting someone about this stupid rumor. And it is stupid, I know. Plus, then, it looks like I care more than I should, LoL, and if this IS a mean spiteful thing, I don't want them to have that satisfaction of knowing it got under my skin. People are SO STUPID! And LoL @JennyBryde. My FI said I should tell them to take a hint and give them my weekly work out plan, which is kinda funny, too....A back handed compliment :  wedding Icon Razz. I can be a vicious sorority girl, too, if you piss me off enough. A back handed compliment :  wedding Icon Wink 

     
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    MightySapphire      

    People start rumors like that when they can't understand change.  (Or they're frustrated by their own lack of it).  People can be so mean.  I would chalk this up to them trying to feel better about themselves by putting you down (even though they don't think you'll hear about it).  Immature and sad.

    But congrats to you on all your success!!

     
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    bellenga    July 31, 2010   Georgia

    Next time somebody says and you get wind of hearing you had some sort of "help" (aka surgery), just smile, stand with awesome posture showing off those abs and say "I know..I can't believe it either..I look damn hot!"

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    1. A back handed compliment :  wedding Img summer_007.JPG (2144.6 KB, 30 downloads) 1 year old
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    lovelondonrain       CA

    When I lost 25 pounds and went from a size 6 to a 0 I got a lot of questions. People always asked how I did it or what my secret was. I think they all wanted a magical easy fix. I told them I was working out 2-3 hours per day and 5-6 days a week. I also cut back on any unnessary calories. I think they were dissapointed that it wasn't a magic pill because most people aren't willing to put in the work.....and it's hard work as you know!

    Another thing is that I've had people blantantly asking me straight out if I've had a boob job! Once, this girl said to me "Chuck and I were talking over dinner and wondering if your boobs were real"........OMG! I just couldn't believe that people were talking about my breasts over their family dinner. Anyways, they are natural. It runs in my family and I've had breasts since 6th grade which has given me a complex about them.

     I've just come to realize that people like to talk and gossip. Especially when they are jealous or insecure. It's totally rude and inappropriate, but just brush it off. Be proud of your success and what they think doesn't matter. If they were happy with themselves, they wouldn't be gossiping about you. They would say that you look amazing and that they were happy for you.

     
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    mizunoheaven    June 2009   Oregon/Kuwait/wedding in Australia

    Congratulations on your hard work!

    Girls can be so mean. It will only make them seem catty to go around saying the things they have about you. And honestly, the people that actually listen to them probably aren't your friends either. Anyone with any sense of integrity or morals would tell the girls to drop it. That if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything. Or that if you don't know for certain then it is just gossip and that is unbecoming.

     

    Hold your head high. You are a success, both physically, emotionally and financially. Think, how many girls your age are paying for a wedding, a house and their college?

     

     
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    Erindesmar    October 17, 2009   Boston, MA

    Congrats!

    I hate to say it but they are probably just jealous! Whatever, hold your head high and be proud!

     
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    Blushing bee
    volleybride    Sept 18th, 2010   Philadelphia, PA

    I would definitely take it as a compliment!  I had a similar situation from the opposite end.  My girlfriend was complaining about lipstick or something, so I came out and told her that her lips look like they had been injected with collagen.  What meant to say was her lips were full and beautiful!! Oops :)

     
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    Bumble bee
    EAQ219    May 22, 2010   Bethesda, MD

    At least you know the truth, right? I was really, ahem, flat (if you know what I mean) in high school. Well, I "grew" during my first year of college and when I came home my friends mom asked her if I had gotten breast implants! I mean, they didn't grow THAT much. I just took it in stride and knew that they were all natural. Clearly these girls don't know you that well and just need something to talk about. If you hang around them, you should totally wear a belly shirt and draw a fake scar where they can see it.

     
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    HumarockBride    January 2, 2010   Boston, MA

    I'm with most of the other posters ... one word: jealousy!!

    Congrats and just keep you head up and keep on doing wahtever you're doing (which is what?! I'd love to know the secret to a flat tummy!)

     
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    Helper bee
    V      

    I would just LAUGH...and I did!

    A couple of years ago my childhood friend in the country where I grew up got divorced...the reason ME!! Some friends frantically called me to ask if I had been the reason her husband left her...my reaction WHAAAAA??? LOL...1. I don't live in that country, 2. I haven't been in that country for over 10 yrs. 3. I don't talk to them at all!

    I just laughed the rumor away and anybody that asked got told: "you're joking righ? I don't even live there!" your response could be: "you're joking, right? I'm only 20somthing! I have better things to spend my money on" When you laugh at them they will be the ones feeling stupid and they'll stop.

    Good luck! 

     
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    LittleBear    June 28, 2009   Chicago/beach wedding in NC

    Yep, jealous.

    I have always been on the thin side and within the past 6 months I have been working out more and watching what I eat more. I mean, I have a wedding and honeymoon to get ready for! A back handed compliment :  wedding Icon Wink I have lost only about 5 pounds but have toned up a lot and look thinner. Our friend's wife (who is a b**ch and not-so-thin) commented to my FI and a group of others at a bar saying "looks like [me] has gotten really skinny. She's being healthy about it, right?" This chic has never shown concern for anyone other than herself in her whole life and I had a bunch of people come up to me and tell me they know she is just jealous.

    Take it in stride and try (as hard as it is) to not let it bug you!

     
    19.
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    Honey
    Beekeeper
    ejs4y8    June 20, 2009  

    Your posters all made me laugh! It's even more ridiculous today than yesterday. If i ever end up at a bar with these girls I totally should play it up like i had one just to mess with them, then tell them how stupid they all are for believing it in the first place! LoL

    It's funny that no matter what kind of "compliment" or comment somebody gives you about your weight, it always stings more than it should. I can always brush off the stupid speculations about whether or not my "girls" are real (to which I say, I'll show you just how real they look after I have two kids and they ain't perky no more! ha) but this really ate at me. I love how you all have some humor to throw my way though A back handed compliment :  wedding Icon Wink

     
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    spraguebride    August 8, 2009   Bothell, WA

    LOL!!!!

    I totally second JennyBryde!

    They think you got a tummy tuck because they don't understand how you look so good!

    Screw them! Maybe send them a postcard from your honeymoon in that bikini with you NATURALLY flat tummy!   LOL!

     
    21.
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    Honey
    Beekeeper
    ejs4y8    June 20, 2009  

    Maybe I should anonymously mail them cards for plastic surgeons....A back handed compliment :  wedding Icon Razz

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    1. A back handed compliment :  wedding Img P_6629_1_127056.jpg (11.3 KB, 25 downloads) 1 year old
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    Helper bee
    mlkeysock    September 1, 2007   near Philadelphia, PA

    Congratulations on trimming yourself up! As for the immature girls who are talking about your "tummy tuck" - ignore them! They're just jealous that they don't look like your fabulous self A back handed compliment :  wedding Icon Wink

     

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