(Closed) A better talk

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3012 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Honestly, I think you need to leave it be and just enjoy life.  But that’s also the type of person that I am.  I just believe that life and everything involved happens for a reason.  I know people want or need to plan certain things out, but I’ve also learned in life that not everything goes as planned.  

Keep your chin up though.

Post # 5
Member
450 posts
Helper bee

@Anxiouspeanut: I know how you feel about wanting to get engaged soon or at least knowing that it will happen in a reasonable time period.  But I also agree with @DesireeAnne about letting things be for the time being.  I’m in your situation as well and as much as I really want to believe that I’ll be engaged by this summer, as my SO originally said, I don’t think it will happen due to some finanical issues he’s dealing with (basically helping his family out of a really tough situation).  Although he hasn’t come and outright told me it won’t happen in a few months, I have a good sense that it will be a while longer before any engagement.  It’s true that some things just don’t go according to plan and the sooner you accept that the easier things get.

Best of luck with everything and I’m sure it will happen sooner than you think!

Post # 6
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@DesireeAnne: Agreed!

 @Anxiouspeanut: I don’t want to seem mean, because that is not my intent at all, but I just don’t understand the “waiting” situation. I have never been with anyone, including my now DH, and thought, I NEED to be engaged by X date.  Can you help me to understand the urgency? How long have you been together for? How old are you? Are there unique circumstances, etc.  I am really just trying to wrap my head around the “waiting” bee.

Post # 8
Member
3012 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@mwitter80: I am with you as well. I never understood it either and I don’t think that I ever will.  So, I just keep my mouth shut usually because I think I’d come off as a major bitch expressing my opinion.

Post # 9
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Anxiouspeanut: I never even sought out a site like the weddingbee until I was engaged. I never started planning a wedding or considered myself as a soon to be bride or anything like that. I would sometimes think about what I would like in a wedding dress, when watching Say Yes to the Dress or something, but that was it.

So I’m wondering, what makes someone consider themselves as waiting? I always wonder are they just wedding obsessed?

PLEASE understand that this is not directed towards you as any kind of attack, but as @DesireeAnne: stated I just don’t understand the thought process, so I’m just trying to get a better understanding of how feeling stressed about a proposal happening, happens.

Post # 10
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

@DesireeAnne:

You don’t sound bitchy at all.

I think the OP does need to calm down a little on it all as well.  Her guy sounds like he is serious about it and is going to propose, but is getting a bit sick of the discussion.  I’m a waiting Bee too.  Once you’ve made your point and opened the idea up, you’ve got to put the ball back in your mans court and leave it there.

 

@mwitter80:

There are so many different types of waiting Bees.

Some are timeline/had the discussion and laid out a ‘date due by’

Some are “I know he has the ring.. so when’s it gonna be?”

Some are closet waiters, where nothing re: marriage has really even been a big topic, but they just want to lurk wedding boards, etc, until it happens.

 

Post # 11
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

@Anxiouspeanut: I can understand your frustration but you honestly just need to take a step back and relax for a minute. He is open and honest with you about his feelings and that he wants to get married to you in the future. Didn’t he just start a new job too? Give him time!! I know you want to get engaged in 2 months, so around May/June. But he is saying August…thats  not a huge time difference! Maybe he needs time to save for a ring, or have it made, or any  number of things! The proposal is special for the  man as well and bringing it up every single day is probably not too fun for him.

Post # 14
Member
3012 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Anxiouspeanut: No, I completely understand that part.  As MWitter80 said, it’s not an attack on your part or any of the other bees.  I thought about some of the same things as you.  I am having a long engagement for the same reasons you want.  But I never brought up marriage or proposals with J.  I understand everyone is different.  The two of us are just trying to understand a tad bit better.  

I just think that it makes the situation worse when you continue to bring it up.  To me, as a reader, it comes off pushy sometimes.  Demanding.  Etc.  That MAY NOT be the case in EVERY situation (caps to emphasize).  

I do wish you all the best of luck though.  I just hate to see people driving themselves crazy over something they really can’t control.

Post # 15
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Anxiouspeanut: OK so you helped me with part of it. You have always had a plan, that you wanted to be married and have children by a certain age. That’s super different from me. I didn’t even think I wanted children until I met DH. I never thought about a timeline or anything like that. Once we were engaged we decided to have a winter wedding and then a timeline was set. However, I understand the age thing now. I’m 30 so DH and I decided to start trying having children right away, instead of waiting.

 

@Oneeleven: What brought you to seek out wb?

Post # 16
Member
450 posts
Helper bee

@Anxiouspeanut: If it makes you feel any better, I met my SO when we were both 25 and we are 30 now.  We planned on getting married at 26 but life circumstances got in the way and here we are at 30.  I will likely be 31 by the time I get married and that DEFINITELY was not my plan. But I believe that some things in life happen because well, that’s what is supposed to happen.  Not everything goes according to plan, nor is it supposed to.  Sometimes when I get anxious about when we’ll get married, I just take time to appreciate the great man I have–it helps calm me down when the waiting gets tough.

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