(Closed) A big road block in our marriage

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
362 posts
Helper bee

Was this not discussed before you moved?

Post # 4
Hostess
11469 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@MrsBeck:  I don’t know if this question is allowed but what is in WI for your DH? I mean is there an equal job opportunity there? Does he have friends there? A support group? Where does his family live?

Post # 5
Member
2687 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

@MrsBeck:  I’m sorry about this. 🙁 sometimes being an adult means you have to make decisions that you don’t necessarily like, but that are right at the time (what can get you a job, a degree, a financially stable future, etc.). life tends to take you on journies you never thought you’d go on. who knows? maybe one day you’ll have better opportunities back home, and you’ll end up back there. 

Post # 6
Member
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Does he want to stay in OH for anything but your jobs? 

Post # 7
Member
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Seattle, WA

@MrsBeck:  I’m sorry but i’ve read some of your previous posts, and i just don’t know how you deal with this guy.  Are you truly happy being married to him?  This would be a dealbreaker for me.  It’s almost like he’s trying to keep you in OH against your will.  I would think long and hard about staying in this marriage, and the possibility of having children with this man who has a history of bullying you and not compromsing. (at least from what I remember reading).  Don’t forget that you deserve to be happy!  You should not be living for someone else.  Good luck in whatever you decide!!!

Post # 9
Member
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You say you moved under the assumption that you would be going back to Wisconsin. Was it merely an assumption on your part or did you guys actually discuss it before the move?

ETA: Saw your update. Yeah, I would be really upset about that. I think its really unfair to make a plan together and then one party decides to switch it up. Do you work in fields where it would be difficult to find jobs in Wisconsin that are equivalent to what you’re doing now? What does he love so much about Ohio?

I know you said your job would afford you the opportunity to go back to school, but is that really important to you or would you rather move and forgo that/pay for it yourselves?

Post # 10
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MrsBeck:  Did you have an “understanding”? Or, an agreement that you would move back in less than 5 years?

Honestly, even if you did have an agreement, things change. He expressed his feelings about the situation. It’s better for both of your jobs and for your further education.

A compromise could be that you get to travel home more often to visit, or the two of you assist your family to come visit you more often. I don’t know where you live, but Ohio and Wisconsin aren’t even that far apart.

Many adults these days, have to move away for their careers.

 

Post # 12
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MrsBeck:  I think marriage takes a lot of work, but there are some things that could be deal-breakers.  Things like kids and family.  

This is your life. It’s short. And your parents arent getting younger. If you feel it important to be near your family then it’s something that is very difficult to give up for a marriage.  Maybe that’s not the case for everyone who don’t come from  close-knit families, but it is in my case.

I too have moved away. We are on year 4. But this summer we are moving HOME and I’m so happy!! Life is more than a career sometimes. 

 

Post # 13
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Where are you in Ohio, if you don’t mind my asking?  I know how hard it is to form a network in a new place, but if you’re anywhere near the central part of the state, try the Columbus subreddit on Reddit.com.  They often post interesting things going on and opportunities for meet-ups.  There are other subreddits for Cleveland and Cinci as well.  Most of the people on reddit are in their 20s and early 30s, and the people who post in the local subs are usually very friendly.

Post # 14
Member
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Seattle, WA

@MrsBeck:  That is good to hear, I’m really happy that counseling has been helping!!  Is this an issue you can bring up at your next session?  It might help to get some outside perspective.  I feel like this choice isn’t his to make on his own, and the two of you need to talk it out.  At least that way if you do end up staying, you’ll get a chance to weigh in on the matter. Good luck OP!!  Keep us posted!

Post # 16
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@tampalove35:  +1

Life isn’t always about work.

You had an agreement. I know sometimes thing change, but that’s also too bad for him that he’s ended up liking it more than he thought when he moved – he can’t be mad at you now for not being happy enough especially when you had no incentive to really start trying to love the place since you always thought you’d move back in under 5 years anyway.

There’s no compromise here. You either stay and suck it up or move back and he has to suck it up. One person is going to be unhappy. The only thing there is to compromise is something else ouside of this decision. Maybe a compromise is if you stay, you get to fly in your parents or you get to fly home once a month?

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