a bit miffed… has anyone else been in this situation?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014


Your sister’s SO was so inconsiderate asking for her hand in marriage when he did. I’m sure he planned it out in such a way that he could steal as much thunder as possible from your pending moment. And for them to want to be married in the same town you guys live?! What horrible people!!! 

Sorry… my sarcasm got the best of me. 

Fact of the matter is this: You can’t call dibs on a day, month, season, year etc. for a proposed proposal. Just as you can’t call dibs on a time, place, color scheme etc for the resulting wedding. 

So, what can you do?

You can wait for your proposal. Of course while doing so you will be mumbling under your breath about how unfair the lack of spotlight on you will be, thus ruining the moment when it actually happens. But then afterwards you can look forward to spenging the next year or so stressing and bridezillaing out trying to upstage your sisters wedding. 


You can swallow a maturity pill and look at things like this:

Your proposal will be special and people will be just as happy for you as they were for your sister. Your wedding is YOUR wedding. Make it as special and unique to you as possible and it will end up being nothing like your sisters. Bonus points! You will have another bride, close enough to you to bounce ideas off of and to witness the bumps in her planning process so you can avoid them. 

What I’d like for you to understand is this : If you are marrying the man of your dreams surrounded by family and friends at the dream wedding you’ve organized you will never hear the comparisons. It will be perfect and true to you. 


Post # 4
7289 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@musicalrose:  What she said.

But also you will be much happier in life if you stop comparing your life to someone else’s. Life isn’t a competition. 


Post # 5
8677 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@musicalrose:  Took the words out of my mouth (Sarcasm and all.)


Post # 6
7039 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

OP never said her sister was doing anything to spite her, never said there was a competition. As far as I can see she was just venting.

OP, have the wedding you want. Your weddings will be totally different I’m sure. I think brides can overthink things. Guests are NOT like the judges on “Four Weddings” and do not compare weddings. At least I don’t.

Post # 7
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Firstly….this isn’t a race to who can get enagaged first, who can get married first or who can do anything first.

The objective of your wedding day is to marry the love of your life.  I think you should concentrate on that instead of getting worked up on things that don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.

Post # 8
5160 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Your weddings are not in competition with each other.  I can completely understand that this is annoying – and I imagine it will be a lot for your parents to deal with!  But your weddings are not a competition and it’s ok if they are close together.  You and your sister can share the experience togther 😀

Post # 9
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Can I also add that my FSIL who is 10 years older than us has apparently already “baggsed” the venue that me and FI have chosen for our reception. She is not enagaged nor will she be getting engaged any time soon to our knowledge.  She lives 10,000 miles away in the UK (where FI and I are both from).  We picked the venue without prior knowldge that she also wants to get married there.

My point is, your sister is just going about her business, planning her wedding because she IS enagaged to be married. 

I’m sure your day will be perfect in everyway…but please do try and see both sides.

Post # 10
631 posts
Busy bee

Sometimes I truly cannot believe some posts on the bee!!  You aren’t even engaged yet!! You should be happy for your sister and not worrying about something that hasn’t even happened to you yet.  Surely too the whole point of double weddings is exactly this type of scenario – two siblings getting married within a close time frame – that’s what people do, celebrate joyous occasions together!!  

Post # 11
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

The fact that your sister just got engaged should be bringing more joy into both of your lives. You need to get over yourself and be happy for her. Do you want to get engaged/married so that everyone will pay you attention, and admire your wedding choices? Or do you want to get married because you love your SO and it makes you both happy? If its the second one then why does it matter what anyone else does. No one is going to be any less happy for you just because they already were happy for your sister.

Post # 12
2111 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

How big is your college town? I feel like if it’s a big city, yea, you’re being a bit overdramatic. If it’s like where I went to school, I’d be upset too. There aren’t many reception venues and chances are high you’d be having it at the same place. It’s easy to make yours unique and special, but much less so when you’re using the same venue. The set up would probably be the same, linens, catering options. You’d have the same restrictions. It’d be more likely to be similar, but different colors. Depending on how close they are, I would definitely notice and remember being there for previous wedding. I know I’m probably not being helpful, but I just wanted to say that there is some merit to your concern. As long as they are different venues with different menus, you should be fine.

Post # 13
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Just let it go, you are making stress for your self which isn’t justified at all. No wedding can be compared, and what it is really about is that eventually you will get to marry the love of your life. I am getting married 3 months after my sister and to be honest it has been fun to talk about things and help one another out and being part of each others day. We couldn’t even begin to compare as we are so different she is a motor bike loving body builder and me I’m a girlie girl. We are having the same hymn but that’s because it means alot to both of us, do I care no because she has every right to have what she wants and like wise for me. I don’t understand why it matters so much about the same town to be married in? Is it the same venue? She is engaged and as of yet you aren’t. You cant expect her to hang around to wait till you get engaged. It does sound like you are jealous well alot jealous and really you don’t need to be. 

Post # 14
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Now that that you’ve have written this out, hopefully you can move past this. But yeah, she entitled to move forward as quickly as they see fit. If anything you should be happy that she isn’t dragging her feet and with a set date there is no juggling or wishy washyness. Just live your life, it’s your perception that’s giving you anxiety. There isn’t a monopoly on life events.

Post # 15
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

doesn’t sound like your sister or her FI have done a single thing that’s inconsiderate or rude or even close. Not everybody’s engagements are timed to the second and there should be zero issues with the location of your sister’s wedding or with her taking steps to plan her wedding. 

a good friend got engaged a few weeks before me (we knew we’d both be getting engaged around the same time). They said they wanted may immediately after getting engaged. I’d been thinking may would be our month. I shut that up and immediately forgot it and started figuring out another month that’d work great for us. Everything’s going well. You’ll be fine if you adjust your expectations and attitude. 

Post # 16
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

You acknowledge that your feelings on the matter are a bit childish. You are not yet engaged, and frankly, it’s ridiculous that your SO is upset because your sister’s fiancé beat him to the punch. No one has to alter their plans because you ‘think’ you’re going to get engaged by such and such a date. 

I mean it’s down to a month before your supposed deadline and still no ring. I’d be more annoyed at my SO for getting upset when he could have proposed already. I don’t get the delay when you guys are clearly openly discussing getting engaged–that’s his problem, not your sister’s. I can’t believe you honestly expected her fiancé to take into account your imagined deadline when he was proposing to his future wife. Unfortunately, the wedding world doesn’t revolve around you. As for your boyfriend? Snooze you lose.

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