- 9 years ago
Hello all- I was hoping to maybe receive a bit of input on a situation that I’m not entirely sure how to react to or cope with.
First of all, I guess I should say I’m not really an emotional person. I stay far, far away from drama and anything upsetting, as I don’t handle anger, frustration, sadness, jealousy, etc. very well. I can’t even handle chick flicks, hah.
My sister, on the other hand, lives and breathes drama, so while we love each other dearly and are close in age, our relationship is as such- I am rather quiet, realistic, and very much passive aggressive, and overall a positive/happy person. She is extremely confrontational/emotional, easily angered, stubborn, and controlling. I am the goody-goody, the non-drinker, non-smoker, health person, and she is the party/drunk/lots of drugs type (though she is incredibly smart). So we’re basically on opposite ends of the spectrum.
I have been with my love for eight years, and we have been considering engagement for the last two. The only things that have stopped us are our mutual fear of attention and a fear of the daunting task of planning a wedding. We love each other dearly, but we just weren’t ready to cope with the wedding process. Finally, this year, we both realized we were comfortable and easy going enough to take it on with all of the happiness and energy needed. The parents were thrilled when my boy asked my father for my hand, and everyone else was happy also.
But then I found out that my sister’s on-again off-again BF of two/three years intended to propose shortly after mine had planned to. They are an insane couple- constantly cheating on each other, fighting all the time, lying to each other, checking each other’s emails and FB because they distrust each other so much (my sister’s exact words were: if you don’t check constantly, and trust your BF, you’re a naive fool.) I’ve never approved of the guy or of their relationship, but if they want to marry, then so be it, I won’t create any turmoil. But it crushed me, just a bit, that they would be engaged so close to my boy’s and mine- I knew what would happen, and it has already started. I had really hoped my parents would be in the same town (a shared vacaction spot) when our engagment occurred, but instead, my Mother has told me that she doesn’t have time to join us- she’ll be too busy making preparations for my sister’s BF’s arrival to ask my Dad for the sis’s hand. It’s a full week before we even leave! It was crushing to think that they wouldn’t be there- they know how much it means to me. But my sister always gets a slightly preferential treatment due to her violent nature- no one wants to confront her or say anything because she gets so angry and emotional. And that’s fine, it hasn’t ever really bothered me. At the same time, I don’t want Dad to have to worry about paying for two weddings in as little as two years. It’s not that he isn’t capable, I just never wanted to put any burden on him, and while we wanted a laid-back, happy, casual party (no ceremony, just a few words spoken at the party, but nice, with good food), the sister wants a huge affair, white dress, church, big reception, the whole nine yards.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I just feel like maybe we shouldn’t do this- maybe we should just wait another three years, until the sister’s event is passed, until Dad has recuperated and things have calmed down. We’d elope, but we’d hurt so many feelings- there are a few fading members of the family that are very important to have at our wedding, and that’s another reason we’d planned on doing it sooner rather than later. My boy’s father may not live but another two years. I hate to seem like a terrible sister, I just feel this strange pang of disappointment or sadness in me that shouldn’t be there for what are supposed to be happy occasions. I’m not entirely sure how to react, or what to do. I know it’s a pretty minor situation, and I hate to seem petty or bothersome- I know people have been through a lot worse for a wedding! But, if anyone can help me, I’d greatly appreciate it. Thank you!