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Tough one. She probably views any wedding expenses for your wedding as just that - something for your wedding, not for her. Maybe you can cover the extra $20 so she can get the $30 shoes and still pay just $10. I know that sounds like backing down on your end, but seems to me she's just causing problems just to cause them. Better to ignore it.
You did say they could pick whatever shoes they want though, right? So what does it matter if she wears the $10 ones?
I know that I probably won't like the shoes my cousins picked out, but I did say they could pick whatever they want as long as they are silver so I can't say anything ;o)
If you two are close, then I'd tell her what you just posted. Let her know that you aren't trying to get her to spend a fortune on shoes, but you haven't found any cheaper.
If you don't necessarily need them in the same shoes can't she just ger her some for $10 that she likes and the other girls can get others?
eeeek?!
idk if its too cliche..
but I just think you HAVE to be honest with her and tell her not to take it the wrong way you love her.. blah blah & that its your day & that if she really cant seem to find $30.00 for the shoes that you are willing to suggest ways on how to save em up. ex. dont eat out all the time!
Another point I'm gonna make here - no one is going to look at her shoes. So really, there's no harm in her wearing $10 shoes. Pale pink shoes are hard to find, so at least she found some. And at $10, she can just toss them afterwards.
Here's the thing to remember...you told your BM's to pick WHATEVER shoes they wanted as long as they have the color. However, it is also your guys' wedding...if you don't like the shoes, say something instead of beating around the bush. It seems like you still have a few months to work things out. Just be honest to her about how you're feeling and maybe even help save for some money or something?
Honestly let her just buy the 10 dollars shoes and then have the other bridesmaids get the 30 dollar shoes? That way both sides will be happy. All eyes will be on you anyways and not on your MOH shoes
I'm with hotchild on this one--if you said they could wear whatever they wanted as long as it was light pink, then i don't think you have veto power over anything they choose. As long as they're light pink. Unless of course you reserved veto power. I'm not sure this is really worth a fight. I totally understand why you're hurt, I would be too, but as we hear time and time again, your wedding is never going to matter as much to anyone else as much as it does to you. In fact, I would wager it doesn't really matter all that much to anyone besides us. A little sad, but true! So, on that level it's understandable that she wouldn't want to spend $30 on a light pink shoe when she found some for $10. If you're really really upset, of course you can say something, but it might cause more problems than it solves. I am SO sorry you're dealing with this, though!
I would talk to her about it. Tell her that you would really like her to pick one of the pairs you sent for $30. You know that it is a little more than she wants to spend, but you would really appreciate it if she would do that for you.
At the same time though, you did tell the girls they could wear any as long as they were light pink. And if she never plans on wearing them again, she probably doesn't want to spend the money on them. I wouldn't want too if I was only going to wear them once.
I also don't think anyone is really going to notice what shoes the girls are wearing, and if they aren't very cute, people will be like, why did she pick that shoe?
I hope it works out for you though and that everyone is happy in the end! :)
well I'm "poorer" than her, so offering to pay for part of it would be difficult. I'm paying for the whole wedding by myself, I have a commute to work, car insurance, apartment etc. I never go out to eat, or go to movies and have become a money-saving whore to be able to pay for my wedding.
Like I understand what you're saying about needing to let her choose the shoe, and I actually hadn't thought she would keep asking me if I liked certain shoes, but she has sent me links to $20 shoes or $25, but the ones I really like she won't pay for. Idk. Like she is really excited for my wedding and is willing to help with stuff if I ask her if she doesn't have school/homework. I really have nothing to complain about her but I think the reason the shoe thing irks me is simply because she willingly spends her money on a million other things but the only thing she's spent for my wedding is the dress.
maybe it shouldn't be a big issue, and I don't want to make it one... you are all right, I should just let her choose whichever she wants, and I mean essentially she will and can. I guess it's more an issue of hurt than that I'm mad, because I'm not angry.
Sounds like you've solved your problem...if I were in your shoes (no pun intended), I'd go with the decision you posted. Let her choose her shoes & understand that your wedding isn't going to mean as much to others (besides your FI) as it does to you. I agree with PPs, no one is going to pay attention to her shoes, not when they see you walk down the aisle. And, if she's being a good/great MOH in all other things, I don't think this is an important enough issue for you to make a big deal about it. If you DO want her to know how hurt you are, I'd wait until after the wedding to tell her...you may find that this is just not that important 3 months from now; but if it's still bugging you after the wedding, you should let her know for future reference , that when she says "I just can't afford that for your wedding" you are judging her other purchases & feeling like she values your special day a LOT less than another pair of jeans In other words, by waiting & letting her wear whatever you also show her that you value HER more than her choice in shoes & that you'd wish she would do the same in the future.
Mmmm, I vote with the gals who are saying to let it go. (Can you post a pic of the shoes?) Personally, I'd spend over $50 for shoes I thought I'd wear again. But if I'm buying shoes in a random color I wouldn't wear again, I would try to spend as little as possible too.
Well I would question my choice... a MOH should be willing to put more time (if not more money) than any other BM in your wedding.
I must be blessed with very sensitive BMs... or maybe I am just very selective with friends, so I don't tend to have problems like these.
Tell her she can get her freaking cheap shoes as long as you like them. So she can keep on searching to find the bargain. I find it rude that you are poorer and she refuses to spend few dollars, frankly speaking.
You need to let her pick her own shoes. Why? Because that was the deal you made with the BMs in the first place. It's bordering on bridezilla to say "pick any shoe" and then turn around and effectively demand the opposite (that she NOT picky ANY shoes, but instead one you've pre-selected).
Your other option is to say "I changed my mind. You now need to pick one of the shoes I have selected." This is going to make your BM upset with you because you basically lied. It makes you look flaky and unreliable when you say one thing but then do something else.
This may be "your day", but I assume you still want to actually be friends with your BMs after "your day" is over, right? Then the respect really needs to go both ways. Being a bride is not carte blanche to treat your friends and family like emotionless puppets who exist purely to do your bidding. Quite frankly, the whole point of the wedding day is to marry your partner. As long as that happens, you're golden. Everything else is just unnecessary fluff that's nice to have, but doesn't actually help you accomplish the real goal of the day. Don't get caught up in focusing on the things that don't actually matter. Pink shoes aren't going to make the difference between a marriage that lasts and one that fails.
Also, you really don't have the right to question how someone else spends their money. Nowhere have I ever seen it said that a BM must open up her bank account and control of her choices and life to a bride, just because she's in the bride's wedding. What your friend does with her money really is her choice. You may think it's stupid that she spends her money on eating out and buying jeans. But your friend actually enjoys those things. On the other hand, she heard you say she could pick out what she wanted, and she did so. She probably has no interest in owning light pink shoes, and doesn't wish to spend more money than she has to on something that will never be worn again (which, frankly, is smart since spending unnecessary amounts of money on items that will never be used again is generally wasteful and irresponsible).
Seriously, let it go. Nobody looks at shoes. They barely even notice the bride's shoes. And years from now, you're going to look back on this and realize that there are far, far more important things in life than which pink shoe your BM wore.
well in the end she bought shoes at a thrift store for $2. I think she spent more on her jewelry for the day than she did her shoes hahaha.
the shoes aren't the right color, but I'm done being picky so I guess that's that.
I think it is a landmine to judge people for how they spend their money. As in it can be a friendship ender. How people choose to spend their money can be a really personal matter and I think it is dangerous to go anywhere near that.
And, moneylessbride, I think it was really nice of you to be so thoughtful and considerate of your BMs budget when dress shopping.
I agree with the others, if you told them they could wear whatever shoes they want, as long as they are in the same color family, I would say just let her choose her shoes.
Good luck
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ok I'm in need of another anonymous post haha.
ok so I have an issue with a bridesmaid, actually my maid of honor and I'm not sure what to do.
I searched for months on end trying to find the perfect BM dress for my girls, something that would fit their "student budget". well I found something really cute for less than $100.
I also told them they could wear whatever shoes they wanted as long as they were light pink, most of them wanted help finding some though. So I looked for weeks trying to find shoes that fit the theme and color. I found many styles, both heels and flats and super cute and all less than $50. Most were around $30. but my MOH keeps sending me ones that are like $10, which I wouldn't have an issue with, but I don't really like any of them.
When I asked if she liked any of the 20 I'd sent out to all my girls, (they were all online) she said she can't afford $30 for a shoe... yet she goes shopping all the time (that's what she wants to do everytime we hang out), and last time we went shopping we bought like 5 pairs of jeans. And she goes out to eat and all these other things and I'm a little hurt that after all the work I've gone through trying to make my wedding inexpensive for my girls, she can't "afford" $30. Like I know she's in school and works less than 20 hours a week, but she gets paid more hourly than I do (I just work more hours so she automatically assumes I'm rich :P)
anyway... I don't want to tell her "buck up and shell out $30, it's not that much" but I want her to know that it does upset me... idk what to do!!