Post # 1
I’m thinking of asking one of my friends to be bridesmaid- we worked together until recently and have gotten more close over the past year. My wedding isn’t until summer 2015 so I have some time to decide.
Of course she’d have a plus one, but apart from him, she wouldn’t really know anyone else at the wedding. I figure that’s ok because I can introduce her to my other friends and family through parties / hen do (bachelorette). The main problem is, her plus one won’t know anyone at all. I assume it’ll be her boyfriend, and I wouldn’t want him to feel uncomfortable being alone while she’s having pics taken / getting ready with us etc. He’ll essentially be standing alone for a couple hours not knowing anyone!
Has anyone been in this situation, and do you have any advice? Perhaps I can invite the couple to a few gatherings so he gets to know our friends a bit better. i just hate contrived situations!
Post # 3
@DarlingClementine: I was a bridesmaid in my friends wedding… I didnt know a lot of people besides the bridal party.. and even then I only met the groomsmen once we got to the destination… my fiance was my date and he literally knew noone… by the end of the night he was friends with everyone!
Sit him at any table you want and he will meet people… if nothing else he is an adult and can survive a few hours on his own!…
Post # 4
@DarlingClementine: I have exactly this situation with 2 of my bridesmaids, and they are both cool with it! We’re trying to arrange a couple of get togethers before the wedding so they at least know a few faces, but they aren’t really bothered. In fact they are excited to meet people from other areas of my life!
Post # 5
@Makemeamrs: Haha so true, he is (hopefully) an adult! Like you, I was a bridesmaid at a friend’s wedding and didn’t know anyone apart from her. I found it incredibly awkward. Her family is very different from me and I spent a lot of time feeling uncomfortable. My fiance didn’t know anyone at all. I don’t want to repeat that experience for my friends because I didn’t like it myself. But it does depend on the other guests at the wedding. Sounds like you guys got lucky! Thanks for your input 🙂
Post # 6
@Kellym84: Thanks, that’s a good way of looking at it! I’m hoping that the wedding will be an excuse to bring the various people of my life together 🙂
Post # 7
It’s fine, it’s not uncommon for BMs to come from different parts of your life so they don’t all have to know each other. Getting ready as a group isn’t really a requirement but if she does want to and then while you take pictures I’m sure he’d entertain himself at home/in the hotel. The portion after the ceremony while guests are at cocktail hour and you’re doing pictures may be more awkward, but he’ll manage. Just don’t have them sit apart at dinner, let your bridal party sit with their dates either at a large head table with dates or by having a sweethearts table and sitting the bridal party at “regular” tables. IMO it IS rude to separate a couple at dinner, but I know people will disagree.
Post # 8
@DarlingClementine: As you have a while to decide and if you are concerned then can you arrange for your work friend and BF to meet some of your friends, invite them along when you are doing a group thing maybe. Its nice that you are concerned 🙂
Post # 9
@carolinabelle: Yes I agree, it’s rude to separate dates during dinner. Another friend I’m thinking of asking to be bridesmaid will be coming with her husband and two little girls, so I definitely wouldn’t want to separate them! I actually really like the idea of a sweethearts table, with a couple of chairs next to it so that people can come by and chat. It takes the pressure off the wedding couple having to go round and talk to everyone!
Post # 10
@DarlingClementine: one of my bridesmaids knows no one at my wedding except me. She’s met my FH but they don’t know each other, she’s met my sister but same story.
We worked together for a couple years then she moved away, we stayed in touch and our friendship got a lot stronger.
Her FH won’t be able to make it to the wedding but I’m not worried. She’ll have a blast, my friends are amazing and they will all love her. I only have 4 BMs, my sisters, this friend and a childhood friend.
If this friend is close enough for you to consider asking her to be a BM I’m sure she’ll have a blast and will be happy to stand with you even if she knows no one!
ETA: you could do a kings table where the dates sit at the head table with the bridal party OR do a sweetheart table and have the BMs/GMs at their own tables with dates.
Post # 11
@DarlingClementine: My best friend lives across the country and is bringing a boyfriend I have never met. I plan to introduce people at the rehearsal dinner and let them all know they can hang out at the ceremony/cocktail hour together. I have quite a few significant others that wont know anyone else.
Also, we are doing pictures beforehand so we really won’t miss that much of cocktail hour – that way everyone can enjoy w/their dates. I have been in this situation before (FI is a groomsmen in every wedding we’ve gone to) and it’s awkward, but I always made sure he introduces me to someone at least that I can hang out with – then I ask them to introduce me around also.
Post # 12
i think this situation is quite common. i’m sure that after a few gatherings (dress shopping, shower, bachelorette, rehearsal dinner) your bm will get to know some of the other girls.
as for her +1, make sure that he attends the rehearsal dinner so that he meets a few people prior to the wedding. also, seat him at a table with people who are easy to talk to and may have something in common.
i have been this +1 before and didn’t have a problem. just make sure that he is entertained or occupied during the pictures.
Post # 13
Most of my bridal party will not meet each other until the day before the wedding. There are a few groups who know each other (BM L and GM C and R used to work together or MOH N and BM J went to high school together) and a few will meet at events along the way (MOH N and BM A will meet at the bridal shower) but there’s still a groomsman I’ve never met, let alone the rest of the bridal party.
Post # 14
If you are invited to truly formal parties in the years to come, you will find that you are frequently separated from your spouse: it is in fact considered proper good manners that husband and wife NOT be seated together, and is not rude at all. Adults are expected to have sufficient social skills to make conversation with their table-mates for the duration of a single meal.
However, the awkward bits during the cocktail hour and other parts of the wedding day are the hostess’s responsibility to overcome. Guests should always be introduced to two or three compatible fellow-guests with whom they can get into a good conversation. The best way to do this at a large party, is to have socially adept helpers — usually your bridesmaids if they are socially sophisticated, or your mother’s friends or members of the Aunt Mafia — hovering near the end of the receiving line (which is best kept very short — you and your husband, and any ladies who are hosting). As each guest arrives and is greeted, the last person in the receiving line introduces them to one of these ladies, who takes them around and introduces them to a couple more people. The receiving line is the best way to greet all your guests and takes the pressure off the bride and groom to make table visits. I do not like the idea of a “sweetheart table”: I find it seems stand-offish as though the bride and groom do not really want to share their meal with their guests.
It is also the hostess’s responsibility to know her guests, and to ease any strangers into the social circle, so it is not really contrived to invite people over to introduce them to one another — it is good hospitality.
Post # 15
Either don’t do a head table, or put all the left out dates at the same table, so they can bond over that. And make sure you introduce them to people, and maybe ask your other bridesmaids if they could make them seem included. The situation is very common, and I’m sure they will be able to handle it.
Post # 16
@DarlingClementine: I was extremely close with a girl at work, so close that I told her that if I ever get married she would be my maid of honor. Well fast forward a year later: I’m engaged, but she and I are no longer on speaking terms. If I were you, I would wait! Many things can happen in a year.