A Case of Two Identities (To change the last name or keep it the same)

posted 2 years ago in Names
  • poll: Should a professional keep their maiden name or take their married name?
    Keep Maiden Name Only : (1 votes)
    10 %
    Change to Married Name : (4 votes)
    40 %
    Hyphenate : (2 votes)
    20 %
    Change MaidenName to Middle Name and Take HisName As Your Last Name : (3 votes)
    30 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    716 posts
    Busy bee

    This is a very personal decision, but I would offer that hypenating is a bad idea (too many names to keep track of) and option B and D are one in the same (you married name will be your last name).

    Post # 3
    Member
    105 posts
    Blushing bee

    I think it’d be a bit of a hassle when it comes to kids, traveling, etc. I know for travel (in Canada at least) your plane tickets and travel reservations must be in your legal name, matching your passport and other documents. I think it might get messy and confusing – my fi’s mom kept her maiden name, and while my fi said it never bothered her to be known as mrs. Husband, I think it would be confusing.. If I know someone’s legal last name is her maiden name, I would always address her by that… As would everyone else who knows I think, as to not offend her. Might be confusing with kids too, people who don’t know you might be wondering if youre their mother or step mother. But then again, in this day and age with many people having families without being married, maybe its really not a big deal

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  cizzar.
    Post # 4
    Member
    4596 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I changed my name to DH’s, and am still in the process of updating it with quite a few things. But, I had a friend who hyphenated her name with her DH’s after they got married, but only because she wanted to keep her name in the loop for being a substitute teacher. Had she just changed it to her new last name, no one would have known who she was when they went down the list.

    That’s been 7 years now, and she has a different job – but she now just goes by her DH’s last name both personally and professionally. If you are OK with losing your middle name to your maiden name, I’d probably go that route.

    I don’t have a job where I would need to keep my maiden name in there, but do sign emails with both names (mainden in parethesis), so people know who I am and don’t question it when they get it. But, over time… they’ll figure out the name change and I won’t worry about it.

    Post # 5
    Member
    375 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m a Ph.D. student and hopefully defending shortly before getting married, and I’m currently inclined to go the route of changing my middle name to my maiden name and my last name to his last name.  It still feels like an imperfect solution, and personally I would be content to just keep my name as it is, but my fiancé (who is also a Ph.D. student so understands why I refuse to give up my maiden name entirely) really wants me to take his name.

    In academia, however, I know of many women who do not change their names and have been able to manage fine with their children having their husbands’ last names.  I know at least one woman handled this by keeping her maiden name and then making each child’s middle name her maiden name, so that the kids’ full names as FirstName Mom’sMaiden Dad’sLast.  Honestly, my main motivation to keep my name is so that people in the field know who I am but also because the norm seems to be for women to keep their names.

    Post # 6
    Member
    693 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I hyphenated and have not had any problems with it.  DH hyphenated as well, as he’s had no problems either.  I truly just don’t believe in changing my name, just for traditions sake.  And I never got what I determined to be a good reason to just do it.  DH really wanted us to have the *same* name, but when it came time to determine what name that would be, we just decided to compromise.  It’s worked out for both of us.

    Post # 7
    Member
    6518 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I’m either keeping my maiden name or FI and I are both changing our name to the hyphenated MYLAST-HISLAST. I told him those are the only options on the table because I don’t want to give up my name entirely. I’m proud of all that I’ve accomplished in life with it — it’s been with me through law school, passing the bar, becoming a practicing lawyer, etc. And hyphenating for us would be simple because my name is 2 syllables and his is only 1.

    FWIW, I don’t really see much value coming from having my maiden name become my middle name based on my experience thus far with middle names — I currently have a middle name that for my entire life, I have specifically listed wherever possible because it’s my mother’s maiden name and I love it, but 99% of the time, people ignore it and just note my name as FIRST LAST. It’s really annoying, but I think the nature of middle names is that they don’t get much use/recognition other than on official documents.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1436 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’m an attorney and though sometimes I have feelings that maybe I shouldn’t change my name I don’t think its that big of a deal. People catch on.  Two female partners have changed their last name while I have been here and one attorney and I don’t think they have had any issues. On balance, for me, I would choose to have the same last name as my husband and future kids. I see it as a personal preference not a right or wrong answer.

    Post # 9
    Member
    38 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I have double citizenship, I was born and live in Brazil, but my family is from Italy so I have both. Even though I will take my future husband last name, in Brazil it will be my legal name, but not in Italy.

    I don’t know why the hell they don’t accept name changes in case of marriage (my mom got her citizenship after she was married and on all her documents they used her maiden name), but they don’t. So we always have to be careful when booking travels, because if we use the italian passaport it has to be under her maiden name, if we use the brazilian, the married one! It was weird in the beginning, but after a few years we are now used to it. 

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