A church with bad juju… what would you do?

posted 2 years ago in Catholic
Post # 2
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

BoilerBride101015:  Why would you book it if you feel this way about it? Just get married somewhere else. It’s your wedding not your mom’s and if you have this many issues with it there’s no point in getting married there.

Post # 4
Member
4379 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Will yuo lose money if you cancel this booking? Is the other church available? I’d switch if you can — sounds like that’d make you guys happier. You should be comfortable with where you’re getting married (& who’s doing it). 

Post # 5
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

BoilerBride101015:  well I don’t think “bad juju” or anything that can’t be proven by science exists anywhere besides in one’s own head, so when I read the title of this I was prepared to tell you to get real and focus on what you actually know to exist. But after reading all that, I think a seriously negative association definitely exists to the point where it could potentially impact your attitude and and feelings on the day!

You deserve to feel nothing but good feelings and think only positive thoughts that day. If the other church is an option I would definitely change it!

As for your mother, grown adults only throw fits if other people allow them to and reward them for doing so. If other people stopped allowing it and didn’t reward it, the fit thrower no longer has power. This would be an excellent opportunity to start setting a new precedent by showing your mother you will no longer tolerate and reward that behavior. If she continues to punish you with more poor treatment when you don’t give in to her antics, then I’m not sure why you’d want her at your wedding (or very involved in your life) anyway….sounds incredibly manipulative and disrespectful on your part.

You only get one wedding day so you need to make choices based on what’s best for you and fiance.

Post # 6
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Do you let 3 year olds who throw tantrums make all the decisions? No. Same-same with tantrum throwing parents. 

DO just sit down and talk to her about it. Talk about how accepted you feel at your new church, how excited you are to leave the bad memories of the other church behind and have a new family church. Also bring up the whole 9 marriages = 9 divorces, no way in hell my mother would be able to ignore that. Also, consider those 18 people (or at least 9), all sitting at your wedding, looking at the place where they got married and picturing their own doomed ceremony. Weeeeiiiirrrrrdddd. 

Post # 7
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

polyblonde:  LOVE what you said about the tantrum throwing mother. Perfect advice.

Post # 8
Member
6854 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

You should book at a church you feel good about. As for your mom, the bad news is unless you plan on letting her run your married life, she’s going to be throwing a lot of fits. You can choose to let these fits dictate your behavior, but that presumes that you would be getting something out of it. Often we fool ourselves that if we just give in this time, the adult child will be appeased and let us have the next one. But with serial manipulators, it doesn’t work like that. 

your mom is going to keep throwing fits. It’s going to be unpleasant. You might as well get married where you want, since she will find something else to throw a fit about soon enough. Also, if this were your FIs mom, you’d want him to stand up,to her to protect what the two of you want. 

Post # 9
Member
3669 posts
Sugar bee

Ummm if you can think of a list that long why you don’t feel comfortable with that church then that should be clear enough that it isn’t for you. Go elsewhere and get some good vibes about the place where you will be getting MARRIED! Do whatever makes you happy and sod anyone who doesn’t want what’s best for you.

Post # 10
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

BoilerBride101015:  

Plan your wedding.  Send her an invite.  Set your boundaries clear.  You will not allow her to have a fit over where you’re wedding is being held.

I would be giving different advise ifyou were considering marrying outside of the Church.  You have Canon Law to consider there.  But, yeah, it’s best to not plan your wedding around pleasing family.  It just creates a whole lot of extra stress.

Post # 11
Member
5687 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’d pay for my own wedding and have it wherever I wanted! If you and your fi are already paying for it yourself, then you are halfway there!

Post # 12
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

eek that does sound like bad juju….. go somewhere else! 

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