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A decline with no handwritten note

posted 2 years ago in Paper
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    1.
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    Sugar bee
    Tulip61110    June 11, 2010   Philadelphia

    I'm annoyed because I received an RSVP with a decline on it from a friend that lives out of town.  I wasn't exactly expecting him to come since he lives several states away, but I thought there was a small chance he would make it.  We don't keep in touch that regularly but we have been friends since highschool and still see each other every once in a while.  Anyway, he declined our invite and didn't even bother writing a "Sorry I can't make it" or "Wish you the best...wish I could be there!"  Nothing.  Maybe I'm just hyper-sensitive.

    Did your declines usually have a note written on it?  Or when you have to decline an invite do you usually write something? 

     
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    roxy821    August 21, 2010  

    I guess I'm bad but if I were to decline I don't usually write a note. I know when my brother and FSIL got married most people didn't write a note when they declined.

     
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    texasmeredith      

    Actually, I had no idea people wrote notes on the RSVP cards until recently.  I've RSVPed for lots of weddings and accepted or declined and didn't write anything at all.  I wouldn't get too upset about it.  Perhaps he just did not know he should have written a note on the RSVP card. 

     
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    brittanymichelle    June 5, 2010   Cheyenne, Wy

    we've had a lot, with no explanation. people just fill in the blanks, and unless you left one for why they wouldn't make it, they probably won't fill it in :(

     
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    Miss Cheeky    May 8, 2010   South Jersey

    Only one couple who regretted our wedding (out of 4) wrote a note on the regret. It was my cousin though, and their baby is due the day before our wedding so she just wanted to explain that. Everyone else were friends, and they didn't write anything on their regrets.

     
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    Miss Cheeky    May 8, 2010   South Jersey

    Only one couple who regretted our wedding (out of 4) wrote a note on the regret. It was my cousin though, and their baby is due the day before our wedding so she just wanted to explain that. Everyone else were friends, and they didn't write anything on their regrets.

     
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    Amaryllis    July 2, 2011  

    Isn't that why you offer a fill in the blank option? It usually precludes a hand-written response or else the entire RSVP should just be a blank note. I am sorry, but I have to go with over-sensitive on this. It would have been polite for him to write something personal, but to be offended because you expected without it is a little much. Don't let it affect your friendship with this person! There are too many other happy things to focus on. :)

     
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    jennifer_espos    June 18, 2010   NYC

    Well, we've only gotten 2 declines so far, both for valid reasons.  They didn't send a note but they told us they wouldn't be able to attend and why.  I agree that a guest who declines should give you some kind of reason.  But I guess they don't owe that to us, it'd just be nice.

     
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    jennifer_espos    June 18, 2010   NYC

    Ah, sorry!  Double post.

     
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    ejs4y8    June 20, 2009  

    Most of our guests who declined didn't give us a reason why

     
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    Champagne Wishes    May 22, 2010   Upstate New York

    Well, I hate to say this but, he's a guy.  I'm not sure if guys would think of writing a quick note.  My male cousin declined and didn't do a note or anything.  We aren't close but I was expecting a little something more.

     
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    sewing    July 2010   SF Bay Area / Oahu

    i've had quite a few declines without notes too, even from my grandma! don't feel bad!

     
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    alivoo01    September 18, 2010   Dallas, TX

    It wasn't until recently that I thought writing notes on RSVP cards regardless of response was cute and fun! So on all previous RSVP I just simply marked the applicable box and mailed it back.

     
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    mrsmdphd    April 17, 2009  

    We did RSVPs online, so we didn't get any notes at all, unless guests wrote in our online guestbook.  I don't think notes are required or necessarily expected, so I wouldn't be hurt by that at all.  Our friends don't really owe us an explanation of their decisions, I don't think.

     
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    lisaberry    October 1, 2010   central PA

    I had no idea that people put notes at all on RSVP cards until I started planning my wedding. I haven't sent invites yet, so I've not gotten any declines myself -- while I'm sure it stings to get no's without a note (even from people you didn't expect to come), I wouldn't take it personally. Your friend probably has no idea that people put notes on RSVP cards outside of what's required.

     
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    crayfish    September 11, 2010   Berkeley, CA

    I think this is a case of a "guy" being a "guy" and not realizing there were RSVP expectations beyond filling out the specific information you asked for. I'd let this one go!

     
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    JamaicaBride    May 14, 2011   Charlotte, NC

    I never put a note on an RSVP card when I decline.

     
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    MissAsB    June 6, 2009   Married in CO, Living in AL

    We only had a few people write a note in their declines.  I think since he is a guy, it's easier to explain it since guys don't really write much ever.

     
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    nonimouse12    July 24, 2010  

    Until a close friend got married a year or two ago, I had no idea people wrote anything on RSVP cards, and I never had. They just seem so formal, like it would be wrong to go outside of the "rules" and write more than your name and check the appropriate boxes.

    So no, I wouldn't be offended if someone did write a note, though I will be pleased if people do.

     
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    MarzipanMrs.    June 2009   New Jersey

    I think to write a little note is a nice thing to do, but I wouldn't be offended if someone didn't.  I think only one or two people who declined our invitation wrote notes.

     
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    Erin_E    June 6, 2010   South Jersey

    I have only had 2 people leave a note on the RSVP, and we were not that close to either of those people.  I wouldn't get upset about it. 

     
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    Bunny22    September 18, 2010  

    Out of the bazillion weddings I've been to, I've never written a note on RSVP if I declined to come. I don't know many people that do but I think it's a nice gesture to do. Just figure that if i send a card or gift later on that I'd write a note with that. 

    He does live out of state and you even said yourself that you're not exactly the best of friends. I wouldn't travel out of state for a wedding unless it was for a close friend or family member. Don't take it too personally and don't let this deter you from continuing to be friends.

     
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    jslsbride62610    June 2010  

    I was kinda irked about this yesterday when we got our first "no," but I was more like "aww we got a no!" than "I can't believe they didn't write a note!"  I mean, I got a note on a yes so I guess some part of me was hoping that the "no" RSVPs might have something like "have fun"...I guess it's because it sounds like something I would do, though in reality I never expected anyone else to write a note.  I joked about how sad I was to get our first "no" but I didn't dwell on it for more than a minute...

    I get how you feel, but I don't think it's the norm to write a note, so don't feel bad! :)

     
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    moderndaisy    June 2010  

    We have gotten some notes, but most people just check off no and move on.

     
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    Chillmer    May 30, 2010   Milwaukee

    I had no idea people wrote notes on the RSVP at ALL until my own wedding.  I've never done it.

     
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    Vonnegurl    June 12, 2010  

    I always write a note if I need to decline, but most of our guests haven't--including older married couples. I think it's just personal preference, not etiquette dictated.

     
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    msduck    August 2009  

    same here, I don't think I would write a note if I was to decline. It really didn't bother me when people put decline and didn't put a note.

     

    unless this person was really close to me, I wouldn't really care to know why and vice versa if the person was close to me and I couldn't attend their wedding then I may include a note but I would probably send it with a gift.

     
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    thebriz    May 2010   Brooklyn, NY

    Just be happy if you even get an rsvp; most didn't - I felt like a few really should have since they lived locally and given that we gave folks save the dates six months out, an explanation is warranted.  Bottom line, if I had to chase someone or I couldn't be given a decent reason why the no, then I'm better off...

     

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