Post # 1
Hello Bees –
I have a dilemma, and it’s one that is weighing heavily on my heart. I am Catholic and so is my FH (confirmed and the whole 9). We attend church fairly regularly (I am a nurse and he works every other weekend), and I have always thought I would have a Catholic ceremony. However, now that we are having to make official plans, I am torn. Long story short, I am close with my father and also very close with stepfather. My stepfather is a magistrate judge, and he officiates weddings all the time. My mother recently suggested that a way that we could include my stepfather would be to have him officiate our ceremony. My FH and I both loved this idea! However, I know that the Catholic Church would not allow this. While my stepfather sits on the board for Catholic radio in town, and is heavily involved in the Church, it’s just not a possibility. I am wondering what other Bee’s think and/or looking for other suggestions? I know some other denominations will allow officiants to come in for the wedding? Has anyone ever done this? Has anyone struggled with this decision before? Do other bee’s have similar issues where they are close with both parent and stepparent? Sorry for the multiple questions, and thanks in advance for any advice and/or ideas!
Post # 2
MissWolfy: I don’t think outside officients are allowed in the Catholic Church.
Could you ask him to give a blessing to the marriage at the reception?
Post # 3
julies1949: I agree – I think it would be better to find another way to include your stepfather.
If you had a close relative who was a great chef, would you ask them to cook at the reception? No, you’d want them to enjoy it as a guest. It’s not quite the same thing here, but similar. Let your stepfather be a guest, perhaps with a small role like a blessing or a toast. I don’t think it’s worth jeopardising a catholic ceremony (which is obviously important to you) just to include your stepfather in this particular way.
Post # 4
When my parents got married they had a protestant preacher and a catholic priest co-officiate in the catholic church. Not exactly sure how that happened or if all churches are open to it.
here is a thread I found about it! Maybe talk to your priest and see what your options are?
Post # 5
That’s a tough one. How about you have them both walk you down the aisle?
Post # 6
I would just get married in the church like you wanted to and have step dad open up dinner with a prayer.
Post # 7
Get married in the Catholic church if that’s what is important to you. Also- I do know Catholics who married outside of the Catholic church who have to jump through hoops to even get their marriage recognized by the church (hint: it’s not easy).
Could you ask him to do a reading or another part within the ceremony?
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2014 - Lubeznik Center for the Arts
I think the answer is inside you – have you always pictured yourself getting married in a Catholic church? Is having a Catholic wedding of the utmost importance? Or can you see yourself getting married in another setting and be just as happy with it?
If you’ve always wanted a Catholic wedding, I would try to find another way to involve your stepfather. I think if he is also a practicing Catholic who values his faith, which seems to be the case, he would understand.
Post # 9
The church has deacons helping during mass/weddings, maybe your stepfather could act in that capicity in the church. I have been to a wedding that had a protestant and catholic priest preforming the ceremony. It wouldn’t hurt to speak with your parish and see what they suggest, they may have some ideas.