A Difficult Decision

posted 2 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
42082 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

MissWolfy:  I don’t think outside officients are allowed in the Catholic Church.

Could you ask him to give a blessing to the marriage at the reception?

Post # 3
7019 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

julies1949:  I agree – I think it would be better to find another way to include your stepfather.

If you had a close relative who was a great chef, would you ask them to cook at the reception? No, you’d want them to enjoy it as a guest. It’s not quite the same thing here, but similar. Let your stepfather be a guest, perhaps with a small role like a blessing or a toast. I don’t think it’s worth jeopardising a catholic ceremony (which is obviously important to you) just to include your stepfather in this particular way.

Post # 5
14 posts
  • Wedding: November 2017

That’s a tough one. How about you have them both walk you down the aisle?

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  FrillySkirts.
Post # 6
7896 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I would just get married in the church like you wanted to and have step dad open up dinner with a prayer.

Post # 7
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016


Get married in the Catholic church if that’s what is important to you. Also- I do know Catholics who married outside of the Catholic church who have to jump through hoops to even get their marriage recognized by the church (hint: it’s not easy).

Could you ask him to do a reading or another part within the ceremony?

Post # 8
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Lubeznik Center for the Arts

I think the answer is inside you – have you always pictured yourself getting married in a Catholic church? Is having a Catholic wedding of the utmost importance? Or can you see yourself getting married in another setting and be just as happy with it?

If you’ve always wanted a Catholic wedding, I would try to find another way to involve your stepfather. I think if he is also a practicing Catholic who values his faith, which seems to be the case, he would understand.

Post # 9
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

The church has deacons helping during mass/weddings, maybe your stepfather could act in that capicity in the church.  I have been to a wedding that had a protestant and catholic priest preforming the ceremony.  It wouldn’t hurt to speak with your parish and see what they suggest, they may have some ideas. 

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