Weddingbee boards

I've been quietly dealing with an issue for the past several months that has been particularly rough on my emotions.  As my wedding date approaches, I find myself thinking an awful lot about my four grandparents who will not be there to share in my special day.  Most recently, I lost my abuela, just nine short months after losing my grandma in late 2007.

As if losing two grandmothers in less than one year is not hard enough, the situation has been compounded by my aunt's decision to challenge my grandma's will and consequently sue my father.  She has made all kinds of terrible accusations about my dad, all of which I know are untrue.  What hurts me the most is that all of this came about a little over a month after my grandma passed from lung cancer.  I watched my dad, who has been used to fixing things all his life, sit by for once helpless to do anything for his mother.  Needless to say, there is no basis for my aunt's claims.  It's just a sad and pathetic effort, driven by greed, to disregard my grandma's wishes, at the expense of our family, relationships and memories.

This mess began about 6 months before I got engaged.  When I sat down to put together my invitation list, my heart ached at the thought of not being able to have the few remaining members of my dad's family (my aunt and cousins) present.  I ultimately decided that there was no way that I could invite her, considering what she is putting my dad (and my sister & I) through.  I've been engaged for 8 months now and have still not directly told her, though I'm sure she's probably heard from distant relatives.  (I figure she forfeited whatever right to information about my life when she decided to put money before family.)  I'm also concerned that if I communicate with her, she may twist whatever I say and use it against my dad in her lawsuit.  It's been almost a year and a half since my grandma's funeral, and I have yet to receive a call or e-mail from her or my older cousins on the situation or life in general.

My parents are divorced and all of my mom's family will be at the wedding.  I can't help but think that my dad may feel out of place at his own daughter's wedding, without any other members of his family in attendance.  I haven't brought myself to talk to him about this, mainly because I am afraid to approach the subject and he isn't usually very forthcoming with his feelings.  It's just tearing me up inside, for him, for the destruction of our family, for not being able to fully heal from the loss of my grandma.  I honestly never thought this could happen to my family.

I figure airing out my thoughts/feelings in the safe confines of the Hive may help more than keeping it all inside.  Any words of advice or encouragement is welcome. 

I'm sorry I really don't have any advice, but I'm sending a hive {{{{{{{{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}}}}}}} your way!

Thank you all so much.  Some of what bellenga and rosy have shared rings true to my situation, too. 

My aunt lives in the midwest and just showed up one day at my grandma's home (in Miami) about a month after the funeral.  No one had any idea she was even in town until my grandma's lawyer called my dad because my aunt had called her and was quite upset.  Apparently she was having a hard time finding some of my grandma's jewelry.  During that trip, she grabbed up as many family photo albums and "valuables" as she could and even helped herself to a few sentimental keepsakes that my sister and I had labeled and set aside, but chose to leave at my grandma's just in case there was a question as to where they'd gone. 

There was also an incident of her screaming at my dad in a parking lot, though thankfully it was at my grandma's public storage location, and not my wedding.  (I'm so sorry, rosy.)

I am a strong believer in forgiveness and would like to think that there is always the possibility of reconciliation, especially with God's help.  Right now though, that seems like one of the most unlikely things in the world, after everything that has already been said and done.  It is sad to think that I might never see or speak to that part of my family again, but I know that it would not be for anything that I have done wrong.  (Because of the miles, we were never terribly close.  But I have always loved her.)  This was her decision and apparently material things are worth more to her than family.

My FI and I have gotten a handful of phone calls and e-mails in just the last couple of days from friends and family (on my mom's side) who are very excited to come see us in June.  I'll just look forward to our big day and being surrounded by those who have loved and supported us all these years.  I'm also going to talk to my dad about how I've been feeling and ask him if there are any friends he might like to invite.

Thanks again, bees.  You truly are a caring and supportive bunch.