- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2010
OK, bees…I cannot make sense of my feelings, so I’m just going to write/vent, and hope it helps me get a handle on it, and hope that some of you can relate.
My FI and I are getting married in 3 WEEKS!!! When I think about the wedding, in general, my emotions range from disbelief, to excitement, to anxiety/nervousness…
I also feel like I need a breather from wedding planning, a retreat to myself, even some time apart from my FI in these final weeks. So I took a few days and went to stay with my parents for 5 days for Father’s Day weekend. It’s been nice, but I feel disconcerted in a couple ways:
1. Instead of feeling like I “miss” my FI, I just feel this distracted urgency to get back home so we can work out final wedding plans…but other than that, I feel perfectly content to spend a few days without him, chat a bit in the morning and at night, but not like I’m missing a part of myself by not having him around for a few days.
2. Every time something new comes up about the wedding while I’m out of town, I get so tense and nervous, like I only want to deal with any new plans if we are together to deal with them–and this is partly because we’ve had some big conflicts over wedding decisions and details. My FI has been pretty involved and opinionated in a lot of areas, and I worry about dropping information on him and causing stress to both of us.
So issue #2 happened tonight, and I texted him: “My dad wants to know if you can change xyz plans on the wedding day for all the guys,” thereby requiring my FI to change the plans he’s already made for the men that day. I knew this would irritate my FI….so I called him to say something like: “Hey, it doesn’t matter what everyone else wants; this day is about you and me, so we’ll figure it out together, no worries, I love you…” So I wanted to ease HIS mind, but really wanted a sweet “yes, of course, honey” in response to ease MY mind. So while I made this phone call in order to relieve my anxiety and connect with him when I knew he was irked, it didn’t–because he was just irritated over possibly having to change the wedding morning plans, and told me: “OK. We’ll figure it out. I don’t want to talk about it, so let’s drop it.” And it just left me feeling unsettled instead of comfortable, while if we were together I think we would’ve discussed it in a way that would’ve eased both our minds–but if you’re ready to marry someone, shouldn’t you be able to ease each other’s minds even over the phone?? Shouldn’t you be able to trust that you’ll call your love when you feel unsettled, and know that you’ll feel “re-settled” by the time you get off the phone?
Ugh, I guess I just feel like the stakes are so high right now for every little thing, since we’re almost there…and we can’t handle what we need to handle, if we’re even temporarily long-distance this close to the wedding
I hand it to you bees who are planning weddings while you are in LDR!!!
I don’t want to make a big deal out of nothing, but I do feel better venting it out here. The other thing is that due to school/work timelines, we may need to spend some time long-distance right after we get married….and I’m concerned it won’t be a good thing for us at that point.
Anyway, if anyone can relate or offer wisdom, please share! And if not–thanks for reading anyway!!!