- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
So I’m getting back into my faith, what I learned from my childhood was twisted from southern small pentacostal and baptist churches to a strung out dad who would get tweaked and read the bible for nights on end without sleep reading “between the lines” on all verses in the bible.
I attend a non denominational church and am very desperate to get closer to God. I had a LOT of issues with faith growing up being told many different things and things that did more harm than good and I’m working to get past these. Examples: a church I went to told me when I was about 6 years old that I was destined for hell. I don’t recall them telling me about repentance only that my mom didn’t attend church so she was a sinner and if I died I would go to hell. The same church told me Barneys voice was created by throwing babies through rings of fire.
My dad is 100% against doctors. He believes the world is going to end every year at a certain day. He thinks the world is full of devils, including my fiance. He once threatened to commit suicide because I said I wanted a tattoo of a cross on my shoulderblade. Said I was worshiping false idols and would go to hell and he’d rather die than see me go to hell.
Among other things, you can see why I got kind of mixed up about religion growing up. But after a few near death experiences, one of which I swore I was going to hell, I wanted to turn my life around and now it’s the most important thing in my life, getting right with God.
I’m starting these “bible 101” classes with the church in March but I feel like I need to get rid of everything I ever thought I knew about the bible and start from scratch. But I have a few questions, and after so many great responses many times on this section of the bee I want to give it another shot. So my questions are:
1. How do you know when God is talking to you? Is it like you actually hear him, is it when something just pops into your head? Or is it your conscience? I’ve gotten mixed responses asking others and just want to know. My dad says God and Jesus have actually talked to him, swearing Jesus stood at the foot of his bed once. My Grandma says she kind of hears it in her head, it’s her voice but she hears verses when she’s praying on something hard, or just gets her answer. So how do you get an answer?
2. Another question, how do you pray? In the new testament I thought I read Jesus said to say the our father prayer and not to bore God with rambling because he already knows what we want and need. But I feel the need to pray for thanks, for things that are important and questions I really want the answers to, like guidance. Do I pray for these? My dad says you have to go in your closet to pray, is this needed? Do you have to pray out loud or can you pray in your head?
3. How do you know what God wants with your life? How do you know which direction he wants to lead you? I naturally have this deep guilt about everything regarding my life and question everything I do. I doubt all the choices I make and am really tough on myself, I have that perfectionist thing about me where I am terrified to make any mistakes with my faith so everything I do I doubt and I question and I don’t know if I’m setting unrealistic goals, if I’m expecting too much from myself or if I should be following my gut (the reason for the birth control post, I feel guilty taking it, feel like I am going against Gods will and that I should trust him fully)
4. And as far as drinking goes, I’ve called off my night on the town with the girls for my bachellorette party. I decided I don’t want to intentionally get drunk. If I drink to fast or accidentally get drunk I feel really bad, but the thought of planning to get drunk makes me feel unworthy. So instead me and the girls will be staying in a suite at the hotel drinking a couple glasses of wine and watching movies. I believe the bible says not to be a drunkard, does this mean don’t get drunk or don’t get drunk all the time?
And scriptures to go along with these questions? I haven’t finished the bible, I’m about 1/3 the way through the old testament so I don’t know what to think or go by.
Sorry for the book, I just have so many questions and am afraid I’m doing things wrong and not following the way I should be.