- 4 years ago
Looking for a little encouragement or advice. I’m getting married in a few short weeks. My fiance and I are both in our late 30’s and this will be our first marriage. We live together and this is both of our first, significant romantic relationships. We are also both extremely independent, only children. Do you see where this is going?
We love each other so much and are so happy to be in each others lives – we’ve searched long and hard for one another. BUT, we have plenty of challenges acclimating to living with each other and not just only thinking of ourselves as we have for so many years. All in all we clash (sometimes hard) but talk it through and move on. The frequency of these “clashings” have been more frequent in the last few months. I partially blame this on the stress of planning a wedding but also the idea in our head of “I have to deal with a lifetime of this annoying behavior!” Most of our frustration is over typical mars vs. venus type crap. His head is buried in a videogame when I’m trying to have a conversation with him. I blow it out of proportion. Cry. He feels bad. Rinse. Repeat. We get over it.
Last night felt a little more upsetting to me and where I usually get over it almost instantly, I’m still really pissed. The one thing I will absolutely not tolerate is any sort of dishonesty. Even over little stuff. Just last week I was telling him how my mom lied over something really small but I couldn’t shake how annoyed I was. There was a package for him at the house. I left and came home and he had already opened it but I didn’t see it. I asked him what it was and he playfully teases me that I’m nosy and don’t worry about it. “Oh! Is it a suprise? A suprise for the wedding?” I get excited. He is still being playful and says don’t worry about it.
A few hours later I bring it up again “Oh is this it? No that’s not it…” Looking through some stuff. He says, “Fine, you want to know what it was?” He takes out a very fancy wireless speaker. Definitely not for me. Definitely not for the wedding. It cost 150 bucks. He already has an expensive wiereless speaker system. But I’m so furious he was going to hide it from me AND made me feel like it was maybe a suprise for me. It was just a gift to himself without talking to me about it. He was defensive for a hot minute and then realized how badly he fucked up. He was extremely apologetic all night and beating himself up about it.
I’m still so pissed he was considering hiding it from me, making me think it was a present for me, and buying unnecesary expensive crap right before our very expensive wedding. He said, “I think it’s because my parents used to make me feel badly when I would buy stuff.” That’s because he had a crazy spending problems that he’s since – mostly – recovered from. They had every right to give him crap!
I want to feel giddy with love right before our wedding but instead I’m pissy. I worry that our wedding pictures will all be me with a stank face looking away from him!