Post # 1
So I recently got engaged…Yay!!! I had been waiting for that day to happen, but I knew when it did, I would have to tell a friend she wasn’t going to be a bridesmaid. It was the hardest thing to do. When I had envisioned my wedding years ago, I thought I would have lots of people standing up for me, but with the economy the way it is and having future things (i.e. house and children) to save for, my dream of a big wedding became a dream of a small intimate wedding. So with the downsizing, I downsized bridesmaids. Now I am only having my sister and Fi’s sister in the wedding. Because I didn’t want to leave out close friends, I decided to make them hostesses. Well when i told said friend about my plans, she was hurt and rightfully so, but she said no to being part of the day at all. She even said she might not come to the wedding at all. Now, I knew she would be upset, but am I wrong for thinking this is extreme? Now my feelings are really hurt. We haven’t spoken since and now I don’t know how these months will be. She of course will be included in all festivities, but will she even come? At a time I should be the happiest I really am sad.
Anybody else go thru something like this? How did your situation turn out?
Post # 3
I am so sorry this is happening! Your friend is being extreme. I understand that she had her feelings hurt, but if you two are close enough friends that she would have been in your wedding, economy willing, she should understand the situation. I would hope that she would get over her initial disappointment and still, at the very least, come to your wedding.
Try to reach out to her again. Not being a bridesmaid doesn’t mean you’re no longer friends, and I really hope she can stop looking at it that way.
Keep you chin up and don’t let her ruin this wonderful wedding process for you. And don’t give up on her just yet. 🙂 Good luck dear!
Post # 4
I am really sorry you are going through this. I have a really close friend that isn’t going to be in my wedding. She was upset, but still wants to help out with stuff and is still really excited. Maybe your friend just needs some time to come around. Try talking to her about it all, that might help to clear some air.
Post # 5
I will agree that maybe your friend just needs some time to see your way on things. She probably has been assuming/talking about being your BM since you got engaged and may even have gone so far as to share that thought with others. So she may be feeling embarrassed as well as hurt. I am sure she will be fine with time.
Post # 6
wow! I really think that is extreme. I can understand her being disapointed, but I think that having a family-only bridal party is 100% okay. It isn’t like you picked other friends over her! I don’t have this exact situation but I am dreading telling my oldest friend (friends since 2!) that she won’t be my MOH. I am going to make her a bridesmaid but I fear she’s going to be upset she isn’t the MOH. I’m just going to cross my fingers and do it. So sorry this is happening to you 🙁
Post # 7
Your friend is being ridiculous. Anyone should know that family comes first in wedding parties, and I think it’s awesome that you’ve decided to include your FSIL.
If this friend were a true friend, she would have been gracious, still very excited for you and offered to help in any way she could without being a BM. That’s what I would have done, and while I probably would have been a little disappointed, which is natural, I wouldn’t have freaked out like that at all. Gheesh!
Hopefully she’ll come around after she’s processed the situation.
Post # 8
First, congratulatons on your engagement! Second, I am very sorry that you are going through this. I agree with the other bees that your friend it being too extreme. You have a legitimate reason for not having her as a bridesmaid. It isn’t as though you chose other friends over her, but instead you are limiting your bridal party to important family members. If she is a true friend she should respect your decision. Maybe her initial disappointment got the best of her, and she needs time to cool off. I would take time to sit down and discuss your decision with her/how you don’t want it to ruin your friendship. After that, if she still insists on not coming to your wedding, then it is her loss.
Post # 9
I agree with the bee’s, you’re friend is being unreasonable. I would be a bit disappointed but I wouldn’t be hurt, or at least not this hurt. The situation is different, its not as if you have 6 BM’s and just didn’t choose her. You are having only family. I’d reach out to her one last time and explain how you feel. If she still chooses not to partake in the festivities, that’s her issue and you can’t let it upset you any further. She’ll regret not coming. There may be an underlying issue there, I’ve had a couple friends act weird about the whole wedding thing in general and when I brought it up to outsiders, they said it appeared they were jealous. Do you think that could be a possibility? Sucks that weddings bring out the worst in some people!
Post # 10
I think she is overreacting and being quite mean by threatening to not come to your wedding. Tell her you understand her hurt feelings, but this is what you’ve decided. You hope she will be a part of the day because you want her to be, and if she can’t understand that and see her good friend get married, I don’t know if she truly deserves to be a part of it!
Post # 11
It’s definitely extreme. I’m not having anyone stand up with me and it’s coming as a surprise to my friends – but you know what? they don’t care. That’s how I would react if any of my close friends said that to me. I’m sorry you are going through this and I think your friend will come around once her disappointment goes away.
Post # 12
Thanks bees!!! I will definitly try to talk it out with her. I do feel bad, but this is a decision the FI and I have made. He is only having a family member stand up for him, so I’m sure his boys were disappointed, but nothing to this extent. I will not let this situation ruin my happy engagement time.
Post # 13
What a hard situation to deal with! I can understand your friend’s disappointment, but not her response. I hope your talk with her goes well and things get smoothed over.