(Closed) A Friend Who Really Isn’t a Friend (VENT)

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

So sorry you are feeling this way((hugs)) Its really her loss because you sound like a terrific friend!

Post # 4
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Some friendships are one sided, and it sounds like this one is. Cut her lose

Post # 5
82 posts
Worker bee

If you’re going to cut her loose, I suggest you tell her why before you do so. She probably doesn’t even know that her behavior is hurtful.

I’m so sorry that you’re feeling this way. There are some people who are so caught up in their own problems that they are insensitive to the needs of their friends. You deserve better.

Post # 6
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Ugh 🙁  Weddings bring so many things to a head.  It is hard to have a relationship with someone when you are giving more to them than they are even giving to themselves.  I would drive for you 🙂

Post # 8
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I would definately let this “friend” go. It sounds like you have been the only one putting in an effort into the friendship.

Post # 9
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think you should listen to your Fiance on this one.  I know these situations can be difficult & hurtful, but you have to do what’s best for you.

Post # 10
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

It sounds like you are a great friend, but are taken adavantage of. I would listen to your Fiance. You’ve done all you can to keep the relationship alive and she hasn’t.

Post # 11
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

As hard as it may be I say you need to cut her loose. I agree that you should tell her why (not harshly) but in as nice as can be way.

Post # 12
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@Treejewel19:  I wouldn’t even offer an explanation unless she called you wondering why you aren’t attentive to her any more. Inmy mind, SHE decided that she wanted to end the friendship by not really being all that supportive of you in the first place. If anything, you’d just be following her lead by not initiating any more contact. 

If anything, you calling her specifically to say, “Ring ring! Hello, Blair? I was just calling to say I’m done being your friend because you suck.” will start more drama than probably you want to comfortably deal with. 

I will say this: I am in a similar scenario with a “friend” I’ve had since 2nd grade. I had a very difficult situation come up where I had to have a medically induced miscarriage (refuse to call it an “abortion” because I wanted the baby) because of an out of control health problem of mine that would be dangerous to me and / or the baby. I called my friend for support, but instead she massacred me for making that horrible decision, even though my doctor strongly recommended it. It hurt. A LOT. And I’ve been grieving this friendship for a while, and I am only telling you my story so that you expect the same. It is normal to feel sadness for something that isn’t there anymore, and if you feel you need counseling, I would recommend it, because it’s tough. It’s like breaking up with someone. You have urges to go back, but you know deep down that it’s the best thing for you.

Post # 13
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would quietly cut ties. She isn’t trying, so the only time she is likely to notice is when she needs you. Her loss.

Post # 14
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Yeah, just cut her loose, no explaination needed. 

Post # 15
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I know some others said that you should tell her why you are moving on, but I think that will start drama that you probably don’t want to be dealing with right now. I would quietly walk away. Stop returning her calls, if she wants to talk about her latest boy toy, tell her you are busy with wedding planning, don’t respond to messages on facebook. It sounds passive aggressive but maybe eventually she will get the hint that you have moved on. Otherwise, I think it will be making a bad situation even worse if you were to confront her about her not being a very good friend. 

Post # 16
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think you should cut her loose and send an email or letter explaining why. She will probably get very angry at first, but hopefully she will have a moment of reflection and realize that you were right and learn how to stop sabotaging herself. If she tries to start drama after readong your note, just don’t engage.

ETA: the reason I suggested sending a npte is because she seems to be on denial about the fact that she is the cause of her problems and she could really use a wakeup call.

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