A holiday party vent!

posted 3 years ago in Holidays
Post # 3
Member
10489 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

@mrsmay07:  It helps to plan the things out in advance, like you did with the chips.  When they were there for the pizza, you could have discussed splitting the cost before it was ordered.  If they don’t follow through after that though, I have no advice.  :/

Post # 4
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It sounds like you’re not really friends, and they’re dicks.  Just stop inviting them to thngs, and let it slip away.  It’s already pretty much gone.

Post # 5
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I used to have cheap friends.  I stopped hanging out with them.

Post # 6
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@mrsmay07:  Be VERY clear about your expectations and don’t let them walk all over you. Just because they are in the city doesn’t mean there is NO place for them to go. Shopping mall, a movie, McDonald’s are all places you can pass time with children and not encroach on your hosts 3 hours early. Next time, tell them you are simply too busy.

As for them being mooches, don’t offer anything you don’t want them to take. If you want them to pitch in and pay for anything, say so ahead of time in VERY clear terms. If they bring up ordering pizza, say something like “We can pitch in $10 for pizza” and then hand them the $10 bill. If you wanted pizza, say it like this “we are ordering a small pepperoni pizza for Jimmy and Sally to eat, did you want to get a pizza for your kids? They are $8.99 for a small.”

You can also do what you have been doing and stop inviting them. If they ask why, you have to come up with a truthful answer. “We didn’t have enough money to cover all three families for pizza, so we just invited the Jones family.” That would be the perfect time for them to offer to pay for their share the next time around.

Post # 7
Hostess
3787 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@mrsmay07:  That’s tough. That stuff definitely can be really annoying. I think it’s fine to pull back some from inviting them for stuff because if they don’t want to pay for it, then that’s just what happens. 

How are they otherwise? Are they good, dependable, and kind friends? If not, then drop them. It’s also totally possible though that they are struggling financially and really enjoy your company but are embarrassed to admit that they can’t keep up with the same level of expenses you and the other family can. 

Maybe they really wanted to come to the party and have a good time, but they just can’t afford to give the other kids $20/person gifts. I know that DH and I will certainly not be able to afford to do that with even all of our best friends’ kids. Heck, I’m struggling to be able to afford gifts for family this year, that’s just how it is sometimes. 

 

Post # 8
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@mrsmay07:  We have two friends like this (recently engaged) and we started avoiding asking them to hang out and started to decline most of their offers.  Most of our friends have moved away (we will be leaving soon), and they are the last of our friends for the most part and we are SERIOUSLY at a place where we would rather have no friends than them as friends.  They are nice people—just cheap!

Post # 9
Member
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It is one thing for people who literally cannot afford things (I do not mind treating these people, as long as they are gracious), but being a cheap prick is another.  I have no real advice for this.  I think everyone has “friends” like this and it’s just a matter of time before the leeching gets too much. One of my goals in life is to never be seen as the “cheap friend” but always someone who is generous.

Post # 10
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@mrsmay07:  …its sad when friends drift apart…but some people, just get to a certain point and stop growing, we HAD a lot of friends that just kind of got stuck in that, “We’re making in happen on a shoe-string” routine, and just never moved on past it, and I get it, times are hard, but it was cute and kind of expected when we were all new and shiney and didn’t know better…but there comes a point, you need to take care of business.

The way we handled it, was whenever we were going to do something that requried a financial contribution on their part…it was so blatanly explained to them that no one else was going to be paying for them, that unless they had the money, don’t bother coming…so there was NO WAY they could pull the, “I left my wallet in my other pants” dance.

And then you just have to enforce it…one time.  We made a plan to go out with a bunch of other couples for fondue…and they said they wanted to come, they had the money and wanted to come…well, we get there, eat, order wine and have a fine time, and suddenly…”Oh no! Where’s my money???”  It was so transparent…..so the rest of the couples paid their parts, and we waited there, while he called his in laws for their credit card number so he could pay his…it was either that, or the manager called the police and they got hauled in for defrauding an innkeeper…

Talk about embarassing….they stopped coming to the things they couldn’t afford anymore, and their lives went one direction, ours another…there’s no animosity, or anger…we’re just…in different places.

 

Post # 11
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I agree with PPs to stop inviting them to things.

However, do consider whether it’s really that they are cheap or that they are not as financially secure as you and your other friends are.  If it’s a financial issue, then maybe only invite them to things where you’re okay covering their plates/charges.  If that’s never, then don’t ever invite them.

Post # 13
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@mrsmay07:  Sry to hear that.  I have a friend like that too, mooches all the time, never brings anything to get togethers… and she used to be not like that.

I honestly don’t know what makes people change.  I just don’t invite her anymore to anything…or if i do, I specifically ASK her to bring a particular item.  

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