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I'm interested to see where other waiting bees' priorities lie. Which do you want first, ideally - a home of your own (a mortgage) or a wedding ring on your finger?
Personally, as much as I am dying to get engaged and married, I wouldn't feel totally comfortable blowing a ton of money on a fancy wedding (and I do intend to have a big, elaborate wedding that costs quite a lot) without knowing I had the security of having a mortgage set up. I'd like to get the mortgage in place in the next year or two, even just for a small flat/appartment and then we can think about a wedding and about buying somewhere bigger eventually. How about you?
I voted mortgage on house of our dreams. But I got it all within a year and a half. We got engaged, then got our (hopefully forever, almost perfect) house 4 months later, and was married a year after that. If I HAD to choose one, I think I would still go for house of my dreams and scale down the wedding. Wedding is one day, the house will last for years maybe decades.
We got engaged first, so I guess that made the decision for me! We're pretty young (I'm about to turn 26 and he's 27) and just getting started in our careers, and we're hoping to buy a house in a next few years. We don't currently live somewhere we'd like to settle long term...FI is interviewing for new jobs soon so our plan is to move, live in an apartment for a year or two, and buy a house when we can afford it.
I voted "Other." My fiance and I are going into the acting industry and are not entirely sure where in the world we will end up, so right now we're not looking to "settle down" as far as a house goes. We are currently working non-acting related jobs to save up for us to be able to move to a larger city and then we'll worry about a house. For right now though, we are renting and saving with no idea where we'll be, though we're thinking probably Chicago at this point. So we're getting married first, but thats because finding a house is not a priority for us at the moment.
I would personally feel uncomfortable buying property with someone who wasn't my spouse. Its tricky enough to divide property when there's a divorce, but its worse with just a break-up because there aren't any laws governing how to evenly seperate it.
If we were in a situation where we had a chunk of money in the bank and it was a question of "should we spend this on a wedding or a mortgage?", I'd opt for a smaller wedding, with plans to replenish what was spent in the span of 2-3 years.
I voted mortgage on the house of my dreams. If you find "the house" it can't wait.. but a wedding can, in most cases.
I voted house of our dreams before getting married, mainly because that is what we have done before we are even engaged.
We have bought a house that we probably won't need to move from as it's big enough to raise a family, has a big garden etc - so paying off the mortgage sooner on the first property is better than keep moving and remortgaging.
I think after a year and half the money side of things are back on track for SO to plan a proposal and start saving for a wedding next year.
True it was a big leap to move from our parents houses and move in together by getting a mortgage on a 3 bed house, but it is totally worth it and I am glad we did and it has brought us 1000 times closer together than when just "dating" and living apart. We feel married already I guess?
I voted other, because we bought our little-not-forever- apartment before we were even engaged and we didn't move after our marrige. We plan on living here at least another 3-4 years before we buy another place.
We decided that having a mortgage was priority since we didn't want to put our money towards someone elses mortgage. Then once we bought our place it took us 2 years to have our dream wedding. Yes, we could've had our wedding earlier if we didn't buy our place, but then we probably would've spent more on the wedding and have less for a down payment on a home.
We bought a house together 2.5 years ago, so by the time we get married we'll have owned a home for over 3 years already!
I had a mortgage on a townhouse before I ever met my FI. (He also has a mortgage on a house that he shares with his brother in another state.)
Now the houses we have aren't "forever" houses - mine doesn't have a private yard, and is a row-house, in a city where those aren't historical or particularly desirable. It doesn't have enough room for a growing family, and it needs some work. But it's in a safe neighborhood, and it's close to work, so it made sense when I bought it.
I certainly understand NOT putting off a wedding until a couple buys a house. When a couple is ready to marry, then an outside "goal" shouldn't necessarily stand in the way.
But if you are in a position now to start working on financial goals - independently from love life considerations - then you're in a good position.
I'm one of those women who is hesitant to enter huge financial contracts with a person with whom I don't have a legal connection. I wouldn't buy a house WITH a SO/FI. (My FI lives with me, and doesn't pay any part of my mortgage. Instead he pays some other bills that come up to about half the household costs.) I realize that plenty of people have great experiences, but I'm super cautious... Money doesn't mix 'til the wedding night! ;)
I bought my first home very young and now that we are married he moved into this "starter" home I've now owned for 10 yrs. We did just put in an offer our first investment property we intend to rent out - YAY!
I would not have felt comfortable spending as much on the wedding as we did had I not already had a home with equity. I would have insisted on eloping or very simple family only wedding and then buying a reasonable starter home.
I am probably overly conservative financially but I don't want expenses that exceed 1 of our salaries. I am in the same boat as another poster...I simply would not have felt comfortable buying a home with someone I am not married too. Financial stuff gets too messy if things don't work out.
I chose a mortgage first, not because that is what I wanted per say, but that is what I got. SO owns the house we live in, and has since before we met. Before we get hitched we really want to upgrade to something in a more family friendly neighborhood!
I chose Other. However I would have LIKED a mortgage to the house of our dreams.
What really happened was we bought the house we're living in (which is awesome just not our "dream" house) and got married all in the same week.
I wouldn't call it the house of our dreams, but we bought a house we could grow into a couple of years before getting engaged. Buying the house took a big hit on both our savings accounts and FI needed time to save up for my ring again and I needed time to save up for the wedding again. 3.5 years later, we will be married, living comfortably in our home for however long we choose and have the wedding we've (ok I) always wanted.
Wedding. If you get the nice house, and God forbid you break up-you can loose everything.
@Bostongrl25: yes of course! but at least there are legal directions as to how to deal with the house. Just living with someone, if your not on the mortgage or the marriage license, you can just get kicked to the curb-no questions asked!
@Bostongrl25: Agreed. Same thing can happen with a house and assets after being married. How many people fight for years over property through a messy divorce. Same thing can happen with a breakup - call in the lawyers, come to an agreement on joint assets such as a house if both names on on the deed.
My condition on buying the house together was that we were engaged. There's always this senario or that one, and cases where it works with house first, marriage later, and cases that done. Theres other that go marriage first, house later and even those can end in divorce. Do whats right in your situation and what you feel in your heart to be right cause no one knows what will actually happen. I put down the entire down payment on our house, we're married now, he could screw me tomorrow and want half the house even though 99% of the equity in it was from MY downpayment, since we're joint owners. Obviously I trust that hes not that type of person since I married him and bought with him. At the point you're commited enough get married, I dont think it matters what order you do it in... you trust that both will happen in due time.
@Eva Peron: That can happen if you move into your husband or wifes house also if they bought it before you were in the picture, cant it? I though if your name is not on it, you have no claim to it spouse or not....
Well, we already bought our house and we plan on staying for at least 10-15 years, if not forever, so I voted mortgage first.
I wouldn't be comfortable buying a home with someone I wasn't married to.
But I also wouldn't spend so much on a wedding that I was starting married life with no money.
@Eva Peron: I suppose. But in my case, we bought the home together. Both names are on the mortgage and all our money is in joint accounts. A proposal came a year later, because that is what we had both agreed on.
It's not trational, but it worked for us and I wouldnt have done anything different.
My parents are paying for our wedding, so we are getting married before we buy a house. We will use the gift money and our tax returns this year for our down payment.
If my parents weren't paying, we would go mortgage then marriage, I think.
(P.S. We already asked if they would give us the wedding money for our downpayment and we would have a teenytiny wedding, but they said NO.)
@Bostongrl25: Well that works and It would certainly be an option for the OP as long as her name gets on it and things are split up
@pinkshoes: i thought unless you get a pre-nup, somehow you can be considered due to estate laws. I know some states have stricter laws. I have to look into that. but it is a great point, when you do get married, you should make it a point to get onto the deed.
The house/wedding debate was part of us getting engaged. I didn't want to buy real estate with my now husband without an engagement. I had seen the fallout from two unmarried people buying property together without a committment. We got engaged, then starting looking at condos while we planned the wedding. So, we did both at the same time. It was stressful, but worth it. We closed on our condo about a month after we got married. My parents encouraged us to go ahead with the wedding process during condo searching which was the best advice we got. We didn't have a long engagement and still found a condo of our own.
I always thought about building my dream house, not planning my dream wedding, so I chose mortgage. Not able to build my dream house, but we do have a house that we will make our home and we are able to plan a (somewhat) simple wedding that fits us!
Wedding--we're totally fine renting these days though we do plan to buy somewhere down the line.
Unless! (and this is a big unless) we stumbled upon a home to buy in the next year or so with a backyard large enough to host the wedding--then we'd do both!
We ended up getting married first (much to my surprise), but I ALWAYS wanted a nice house more than a wedding. The house came just a few months later. :)
We can afford both, so I voted "wedding, we can afford both", because that's how I would prefer it to happen.
Unfortunately, due to circumstances with our lease, we may end up buying the house before the wedding. Ah well. Not a huge deal. :)
I chose that I want a wedding first. Both SO and I live with our parents currently, and I'd love to have a house with him asap, but I'd rather be married first lol. I've thought of ways to scale the future wedding down so hopefully that means that we'd be closer to having both a wedding and a house at the same time.
I voted other as well. I already own a home, bought it before I met SO. It probably won't be our forever home, but we will live in my house for a while once we get married.
we bought a house together before we were engaged. well, we went house hunting and made an offer before we were engaged. we knew we would get married and live together for a long time now (probably 2 years since we pretty much knew we'd be together forever), so buying a house together wasn't a big concern to me. i knew we would get married, it was just a matter of when. and i thought putting money towards a downpayment was much more practical than spending it on fancy jewelry.
i guess my family was a little more concerned/didn't understand that we knew we would get married as much as we did. but it didn't matter because he proposed 5 days before closing! (we finished talks about a month before that, so we technically didn't buy it until we were engaged, but we had obviously agreed to everything and put down the earnest money (5k) before we were engaged).
anyway, i know it seems backwards to most people, but i believe having a strong financial background is important before deciding to get married. buying a house was just a smarter decision in my mind, in the long run, because i knew we'd get married.
granted, it's not our dream house, but whats the fun if the first house you buy is your dream house? this is our starter home, and it's great. we love our house, and it fits us perfectly at this point. we don't plan to have kids for atleast 10 years, at which point we will finish paying off the mortgage. plus, we do have SOME extra room at this point.
I voted a mortgage first! We were tired of renting and decided this year to buy our first home! We ended up building a home, that is amazing and we are in love with! We never thought this would be our first home!! And we do not regret it one bit. My ring is currently being designed, and I don't know when it will be done or when SO will propose. We are most likely having a Jan/Feb 2013 wedding (mainly because I will be out of school in 6 months) and that is completely fine with us! I am more than happy with the decisions we have made!! But that's what was better for us! :)
@VickyAurea: you sound like a very rational person. it kills me when people talk about trying to buy rings or throw big weddings when they can't afford it.
I agree with you: if I could not afford both a home and a wedding, the home would definitely take priority!
If the opportunity was presented to me at the same time of either getting married or buying a house. I would pick the wedding. Not because I don't want to enter a financial commitment with my then BF but because we had been waiting foreverrr to get married!
That being said the opportunity to own a home prior to engagement came up and we did it. And shortly a year after marriage we just closed on our new forever home.
wedding. in our industry, it's not unlikely that SO and i will end up moving a few times around the country, so it wouldn't make any sense to worry about buying a house when we won't necessarily be staying in one place for a long time. also, i wouldn't put a bunch of money towards a house with someone that wasn't legally committed to me. honestly, a house is the furthest from my mind at this point. there's just a lot of other things that are more important.
I voted other. Since SO and are are young, we know we won't live together until we're married (crazy in today's world I know) but I'm perfectly fine with that =) He's told me a proposal will come by late 2012, and we have tentative dates of either Dec. 2013, or May 2014. This being said, we will be looking into buying a small starter home or town house to move into once we're married. I love the idea of "moving up" to a bigger house once it's needed. So I guess, buying the house would come first because we want to be "moved in" before our wedding, but not living together if that makes sense. =) We definitely want to start off stable and as good as financially possible. As long as he's by my side, I'll be the happiest girl in the world!
Personally, I would rather put that money towards a down payment and have a small wedding. In the end, we went for the larger wedding (130 guests). My DH said that he didn't want to look back and regret not having a wedding with all of his family and friends. To this day, I don't regret having my wedding. It was a great celebration. Lots of memories and we got to catch up with a lot of people. Oh, I stayed within my budget that I was comfortable with. So, no regrets here. I'm actually very happy that I pulled off my wedding with the budget I had. It feels good.
For us, owning a home would be nice but I don't think it's necessary. We actually decided that starting a family is now more important then owning a home at this point. There are also other factors involved in our decision to wait to buy a home.
Well, when I was younger, I told my parents to just expect me to live with them until I got married. Then the housing market crashed and I had an excellent job for my age. I'd been with DH for 3 years with no ring in sight (not that I was bothered by this...), and decided that it was a good time to go house hunting. I saved a sizeable downpayment by this time also.
So I bought a condo that I loved in a close-ish area to my work and moved out of my parents'. I asked what he thought of the place first, and wouldn't have gotten it if he didn't like my choice since IF we eventually got married I didn't want to move right away. Been there 3 years next month, don't anticipate moving for at least 3 more.
Couldn't be happier. :) Plus the 3-year gap between mortgaget and wedding left plenty of time to save up more cash for the latter.
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