I feel unwelcome in FI's house..
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I feel unwelcome in FI's house..
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A key to your SO's house: Do you let yourself in?

posted 3 months ago in Relationships
  • poll: Do you let yourself in to SO's plac
    Yes, ALL THE TIME! It really is my house too! : (22 votes)
    52 %
    Yes, but only if they are there, or know that I am : (15 votes)
    36 %
    Not unless they ask me to or if there is an emergency : (2 votes)
    5 %
    Nope, not at all. : (2 votes)
    5 %
    Other... I teleport inside, no key necessary--ok really explain though! : (1 votes)
    2 %
  •  
    1.
    Member
    93 posts
    Worker bee
    MrsMagnus    May 25, 2012   Wichita

    Hi Bees,

    quick question for all of you who are living apart from your partner.

    If you have a key to your SO's house/Apt, do you let yourself in?

    I have a key to FH's house, but I never let myself inside of it. We don't live together. We're almost 90 days out from the wedding and to some people, it seems odd that I don't just go over there because "it's my house too." I feel like he doesn't want me to do that. I'm sort of uncomfortable there anyway.

    I'll give more details to why I'm asking later, but I just want to know what the Hive thinks

     

     
    2.
    Member Icon
    Member
    97 posts
    Worker bee
    pierogi    August 8, 2012  

    I live with my FI but I'd probably just let myself in, although with a warning I'm coming over. I always feel like boys do weird things when we're not around that would be super awkward to just open the door and see. 

     
    3.
    Member
    2,323 posts
    Buzzing bee
    Miss Orchard    September 8, 2012   Cambridge, MA

    I never did but only because he lived with roommates...now we live together, so yea, I have a key! :-)

     
    4.
    Member
    4,151 posts
    Honey bee
    Meowkers    August 27, 2011   Los Angeles, CA

    When DH, then BF, lived at his own place, (well with roomates), yes I let myself in with warning.  I'd knock incase someone was there but if no one was I'd let myself in.

     
    5.
    Member
    589 posts
    Busy bee
    HappierKate    September 29, 2012  

    Well I can't vote, but I do let myself into his place.  He's given me permission to, though, we talked about it and I know he's okay with it.  If he wasn't, I would always call first.

     
    6.
    Member
    1,184 posts
    Bumble bee
    MissTX    May 17, 2013   Texas

    My first boyfriend of 6 years...I never let myself in. I don't even know why he gave me a key but I def wasn't "allowed" in his apt if he wasn't there. No way. He was a complete psycho though.

    My current boyfriend, I had a key to his place during the first month and damn near lived there so I would let myself in and out all the time. I think it just depends on the relationship you have :)

     
    7.
    Member
    93 posts
    Worker bee
    MrsMagnus    May 25, 2012   Wichita

    I decided to add a poll--better late than never, right?

     
    8.
    Member
    5,733 posts
    Bee Keeper
    Juliepants    June 2, 2012   Ontario

    We have our own house now, but back when we lived separately, I used to let myself in.  Only when he was home, though, and he pretty much always knew when I was coming over!

     
    9.
    Member
    5,368 posts
    Bee Keeper
    pinkshoes    July 2011   MA

    When I had the key to my then bf's place, I used it.   He had a roommate, who wasnt there for months at a time, but even when he was, I'd let myself in.  He knew I pretty much lived there on the weekends.

     
    10.
    Member
    273 posts
    Helper bee
    thepainter    October 2013  

    Before FI and me moved in together, I practically lived at his house. I was over all the time, and him and his roommate were always leaving a door unlocked for me. They just didn't want to go through the effort (ha!) of getting a key made, but looking back it was probably a bad idea to have an unlocked door so often. 

    Why do you feel uncomfortable in your FI's house? Is it new?

     
    11.
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    692 posts
    Busy bee
    pinkfrog    October 20, 2012   South Jersey

    I'll take this as before we lived together.  Now that we live together, it IS my house too, haha.

    I'd let myself in if he knew I was coming over.  I wouldn't just sneak up on him or anything. 

     
    12.
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    Member
    245 posts
    Helper bee
    missbumblebee    September 8, 2012  

    I said no only because my FI lives with 2 roommates and didn't figure it was fair to the roommates for me to come waltzing in.  FI has a key to my place (which will soon be his) and he lets himself in.

     
    13.
    Member
    7,532 posts
    Bumble
    Beekeeper
    mwitter80    December 11, 2010   Connecticut

    I had a key to DH's place about 2 weeks after we started dating. He lived alone (with his son) so there wasn't a roomate issue or anything. I always let myself in.

     
    14.
    Member Icon
    Member
    334 posts
    Helper bee
    Diet Coke    January 1, 1991  

    I had a key to my former FI's place but I was raised that you knock on doors, locked or unlocked before entering a room/hearing a "come on in."

     

     
    15.
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    Member
    54 posts
    Worker bee
    Jaderade14    September 8, 2012   Portland

    Before FI and I lived together I was allowed over anytime. He lived in a condo tower and he let the concierge  know to always let me up and after a few months he just gave me a  key fob to get in the building (I didn't need a key to his door he never ever locked it) I always went over even when he was at work his old condo tower was about 5 mins from my college and I lived about 30 mins away so in between class I would go over. 

     
    16.
    Member
    93 posts
    Worker bee
    MrsMagnus    May 25, 2012   Wichita

    thepainter Ok, I wrote a really long post and ended up thread-jacking myself, so I'm just going to post the long details in another thread. I'll link to it.

     Here we go: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/i-feel-unwelcome-in-fis-house?replies=1#post-3245233

     
    17.
    Member
    2,441 posts
    Buzzing bee
    jjmomma    March 11, 2011  

    He gave me a key and told me to consider it my home as much as his, so yes... I appreciated that and let myself in.  It was pretty nice the first time I was there when he came home and he said how much he liked coming home knowing I was there.  He still says that to this day and it's important to both of us after living with the opposite in the past.

     
    18.
    Member
    245 posts
    Helper bee
    shooting_star5711    May 18, 2013   Carbondale, IL

    This isn't applicable anymore, because we live together, but i voted yes, all the time.  When we first started dating, FI (then SO) worked as a bartender.  I used to go to his house and wait for him to get off work.  He also worked a few summers ago at five in the morning doing some cable laying thing, so I always locked up when I got up and left his apartment in the mornings. 

    I was usually at his apartment more than I was at my own - it was a bit more home to me during that time, until we moved in together.  

     
    19.
    Member
    804 posts
    Busy bee
    lilsweetie    December 1, 2011   Seattle, WA

    i had a key 3mo into the relationship. i use it all the time and once i surprised him on his lunch.

     
    20.
    Member
    2,043 posts
    Buzzing bee
    kaylee26    January 1, 2014  

    Yes, we both go in each's other's place at any time.

     
    21.
    Member
    5,938 posts
    Bee Keeper
    SapphireSun    July 9, 2010   Vancouver, BC

    We've lived together for almost 5 years, but when we didn't I had a key and I would just let myself in.  We're both shift workers, so sometimes one of us would head there ahead of the other and go to bed so we could do something after, or just come in while the other was sleeping.  I usually preplanned that we'd do it or called ahead though.

     
    22.
    Member
    1,823 posts
    Buzzing bee
    adnama    July 21, 2012   Langley, Britsh Columbia

    Yes all the time. He has roommates, but I'm good friends with them all, so it's as if I live there too.  But to be fair, his whole family/friends strongly believe in an "open door policy". They all let each other into everyone else's house (within the group, anyways)

     
    23.
    Member
    80 posts
    Worker bee
    MissParrot      

    When my so gave me a key to his appartment after a few months of dating, I always knocked if he was home...I just felt more comfitable doing so...even though he would constantly tell me that I didn't need to knock and to just use my key. I get out of work alot earlier than he does, and if i was planning on visiting after work, (which was closer to where he lived) than i would use the key, but he alwyas knew when I was coming over.

    It took some getting used to espically since, it was only our 2nd month of dating. But now that we've been together for 2.5 years and now that I live with him it feels alot more comfitable.

    I would have continued knocking even when having the key if he hadn't insisted that I use it

     
    24.
    Member
    2,330 posts
    Buzzing bee
    secondchances    August 2012   Western MD

    I had a key to FI's house even before we started dating. I always just let myself in. He wouldn't have even heard me if I knocked. Once we were dating I only went home to sleep. Tehee unless I fell asleep watching a movie then he went to my house to sleep. Actually it seems like we house swapped alot! OP my FI finds your man's behaviour mighty strange and urges caution. ((Hugs))

     

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