Weddingbee boards

I have never felt this annoyed in my life. 

My 1st post to the bee was about a friend of mine, who I wanted to me my MOH, and another girl that I didn't want to add to my party, although I was a bridesmaid in her (I"ll call her "K") wedding a couple of months ago.

I didn't know if it was rude to not ask "K" , and, with your help- I decided not to ask her

I know her because our significant others are great friends, and she and I were too until she got engaged. Her and her MOH were a nightmare, and I vowed to never be in a bridal party after K's wedding because of the horror that she put me through.

To give you a few examples. She picked out a tux that was over 200 dollars. I privately mentioned that I didn't know if my FI and I would be able to swing it, but that I found the same exact tux at a different place for cheaper. I asked if she had the time to check out the tux with me and if it was a match if we could get it there. She originially told me that most of the other guys had said the same thing to Matt (that part was true) so since it was what she wanted they were renting them as our wedding presents. She sent me an email dys later telling me she "fibbed a little" and was upset because those tuxes are what she wanted, and she didn't think that everyone should have to sacrifice quality because some of us couldn't afford it. She wanted to take a vote in front of everyone on who could and couldn't afford it. I was so embarrassed that in the end we said nevermind we will figure out how to make it work, and apologized for bothering her. She told her MOH who was a super snob about my financial situation, about the tux things, and her MOH (which was also her cousin) made my life a LIVING hell for 10 months.

She would ask me to do things & then yell at me like I was a child becaus I was diong them stupid. She once scheduled a get together, but said that I wasn't invited because I wasn't on "her level" and the bride was the one who told me thats why I couldn't go. She wanted us to pay 1K per person for her bachelorette party, and when only 3 girls said they could come she blamed me. She'd call at 3 a.m. to flip out. It was a mess.

When I finally did confront K's MOH about how awful she was making me  feel about everything she flipped out and K totally took her side...until her MOH insulted her now husbands mom. It was basically 10 months of the bride's MOH attacking me, the bride just telling me to take it and then in the final month K decided that her MOH was a horrible person.

Sorry that wasn't short at all...but I feel like you need that backstory because during the last month that she was engaged, the MOH put K through hell for defending her FMIL. K vowed that after that day she'd never talk to her again and that she hated her. Aafter the wedding, when everyone said that how her MOH treated me was awful (even some of the guys had witnessed it)- K pretended she has NO idea any of it was happening, despite her telling me to deal with it.

 
Now fastforward 4 months and I'm engaged. I decided that based on all of that and your advice that I'm not going to ask her to be in my party. Everything we do to is awkward because she pretends my engagement doesnt exist. I find out that she constantly makes quips about being in the party when I'm not around. She still trash talks her cousin, who I'll call "S" and says she hates her, and she had no idea that all of this was happening, but we seem to be getting along better overall since the wedding so oh well. It's just been so awkward.

I felt like I couldn't talk about being engaged anytime she was around because she'd get obviously upset because literally everyone is in the party but her. In the past few weeks though, shes called and asked to come look at dresses with me though, and she offered to take our engagement pictures for free. She seems genuinely interested in being in the party- so although I wasn't going to ask her- I finally did. 

Now when I asked her she was thrilled. No-one else, including my fiance was, but she was happy, and I felt good about everyone being included. We had dinner a few weekends ago, and apparently "S" is engaged now, and she was going on and on about how she hated how she treated me, and (finally) she's sorry that all happened, and she hasn't spoken to her since August, and she tore her apart about her appearance when they talked last. She just spent the whole night making fun of her. At one point, I even said "shes still your cousin" and she was like "f that... I hate her to no end".

The next day I get a message saying "You're going to be dissapointed in me. I'm "S" (her cousins) Maid of Honor"

It was literally 24 hours after trashing this girl. It was the most fake thing I had ever seen in my life, and all I kept thinking was you're a terrible person. You dont care about anyone...you only care about whether the world likes you or not.

I cannot believe I fell for the she's a good person and she really cares crap, and asked her. Whats worse is she hasn't done anything wrong by  accepting the invitation to be "S'" MOH-but I still feel so slighted.

T make it worse, I blocked "S" a long time ago from facebook but her mother found me and friended me. I accepted thinking it was "K" mom and at first she lied and said she was. When I mentioned to K that her mom had friended me she told me that her mom didn't have a fb, and that must've been her aunt. She flipped out then about how manipuative they are-but she's in her wedding. I DO NOT want to hear anything about "S" or her wedding, especially while I'm planning my own-nor do I want "S" to find out any details about mine.

When she told me all I said was "Good Luck" and she went on for an hour about how although she accepted  she didn't want to, and that shes still trash, and that I'm so much better...I told her there were no need for comparisons, and that I know how she is so i'll try to keep things low key, and then she said "well your weddings a year away from hers, so you have nothing to worry about 'boo'". First of all their like 3 months apart not a year, there just Dec '12 and March '13, and 2nd I'm not worried. I'm just annoyed. I'm a pretty genuine person, and I feel like I was manipulated somehow. She hasn't called emailed  contacted me at all since her accepted her invitation to be MOH.

Sorry if that was a bit all over the place... I'm just so mad and kind of hurt.

@KatyElle: It feels incredibly HighSchool. All of our significant others have been friends since they were in Middle School though, so it's not like these girls will be out of my life anytime soon. I just feel so annoyed right now. Overall I live a pretty low key lifestyle, and I'm beating myself up for not going with my gut

@Ivorybuttons: In all honesty, I'd like to... but under what pretense? In a normal situation, I wouldn't associate myself with someone like this for a second. But my fiance and her husband have been friends since they were 10. And technically she hasn't done anything wrong that I can point at. I don't know if it's ok to kick someone out because I don't think they are a good person afterall. Also, I worry that the petiness will put a strain on the guys relationship too....

I dont know what to do...

You all have a point. I think at this point I'm "stuck".

I did tell her that I didn't feel comfortable talking about her cousin all of the time (because even since I've wrote this she's spent everyday making fun of "S", her wedding plans, and I'm not that kind of person. I dont waste my days pretending to like people and making fun of them secretly.)

I also told her that I'm not sure why she agreed her to be in the party, but she should own her decision and make the best of it lol. She said she would have "looked bad" if she said no- which is her choice- I just think it looks way worse, to agree to be in someones party and then trash talk them at every chance you get.

She hasn't talked to me since the discussion- but I felt like it needed to be said, for my own sanity lol.

I'm going to take my own advice now though. She's in, I'll cause more problems by kicking her out. In the future I'll follow my gut, but since she hasn't done anything directly to me- i'd be causing a problem right now.

I knew it was petty which is why I called it my kind of petty rant. I just dont like when people pretend to be genuine. 

I asked her to be in my party though, because it seemed like she genuinely took an interest in my wedding, and I felt like maybe things would be ok. Afterall, we got along really well prior to her wedding fiascos. I didn't ask her out of guilt. In the end it did feel nice to know that everyone was included- but that certainely wasn't why I asked her.

Obviously "S" can have her day- and I'll have mine. I just dont want to have to hear about hers everytime I see "K" and I do not like the idea of the two-faced attitude. 

Anyway- thanks for reading my rant ladies! =)