Post # 1
I’m not really quite sure what I think about this so I would like to get a discussion going. My BF of almost one year- so this is our first Christmas together- got me a Kitchen Aid Stand Mixer for Christmas. Now I know he knows I have wanted one, and I would use it, and I know they are not cheap, but getting your girlfriend a kitchen appliance, especially your first Christmas together?? I’d rather continue to make do with my hand mixer and put the Kitchen Aid on the wedding registry for when we get married. I know in his mind it was thoughtful- and it was to a certain extent- but I’m a little miffed. To me it isn’t much different than getting a vacuum or something. Yes I need it, yes I would use it, but what kind of message is left to interpret?
He also got me one of those fur bomber hats, which is useful because we live in Wyoming and hunt and spend a lot of time outdoors in the cold weather doing things and those are pretty warm- but not even a single somewhat romantic or sweet gift. He had even asked me for a list a couple months ago- which I gave him- and yes it was mostly practical things like clothes I need for work or winter, but there was also some ideas for him for thoughtful things to get me.
I mostly got him things he would use and need- guy things- but also planned a great surprise for him- his parents drove out from Iowa and spent a few days and Christmas with us- and he had no idea until he came home from work and they walked out of the spare bedroom. It was the first Christmas he had been able to spend with them in 6 years and it was SO hard to keep it quiet and he was so happy. I think that was an incredible Christmas present for him. And I get an appliance and a hat?
Also, we have an agreement that on each other’s birthday, we write a love letter to them in this notebook/journal we have, and also just anytime- its our “letters to each other” journal, a tradition we both thought would be nice to have and look at over the years or if we get in a huge fight. On his birthday last month I wrote him a lovely note, not to toot my own horn, about how important he is to me, how he is my best friend and my other half and how amazing my life is with him in it, yada yada, and he had it sitting on his pillow when he woke up on his birthday and i was peeking as he was reading it and I could tell it meant a lot to him. My birthday was a couple days before Christmas and he has yet to write in it. I have reminded him. Just in case he forgot, and he said, “I know”. I didn’t even get a card. And my birthday present was a gift certificate to get hand and thumb warmers installed on my 4wheeler. Thoughtful, yes. But come on! I know some guys just aren’t good with expressing emotions and I know he loves me because he does show it but how do I give him a nudge, help him be a little more romantic sometimes?? He has never even gotten me flowers! And he knows I love flowers!
Post # 3
how do I give him a nudge, help him be a little more romantic sometimes??
He doesn’t need a nudge. He needs instructions. Give him a list. You’re either happy with what he gives you or you tell him what you need.
Also – you CLEARLY have a guy who who is “practical”….. dont’ try and change him, or you will be constantly dissapointed with him not meeting your exectations. Either accept him for who he is or find someone who IS romantic.
Post # 4
Girl you are not alone! Last year my FI got me a spice rack. For my birthday he offered to pay for my oil change and haircut that were both already scheduled. He really was just clueless and thought he was doing good by giving me things I knew I wanted. I explained to him the difference between giving something you “need” or would get anyway, and something he thinks I would like but probably would not get myself. I made it very clear and gave examples of gifts falling in the different categories. He has gotten MUCH better now and gives much better gifts! Now we laugh about his old gifts. This year he joke he got me a kitchen wok. Thankfully he didn’t 🙂
Post # 5
I know he is practical and I am not trying to change that part about him- I think he is just a bit clueless. And I DID give him a list that he requested- he just didn’t get a darn thing on it!
I think maybe I just need to explain you don’t get someone something practical for a gift if they would buy it for themselves- if its practical and something they wouldn’t buy, thats one thing. Gifts are things people wouldn’t normally buy for themselves but still want or need in my opinion.
I love this guy, he is a great guy. I am hardly going to dump him to find someone who IS romantic, all over a gift. All I wanted is some advice on how to help him out there.
Post # 6
@jackaroo1223: Welcome to the world of differences between most men and most women. I say most, because there certainly are men who are fantastic at expressing their feelings and knowing exactly how to buy what would be considered to be more “romantic” gifts that many women hope to receive.
However, it sounds as if your SO is a more practical guy whose default is to consider and purchase more practical gifts that still would be in keeping with your interests. He likely honestly thought he was getting you a fantastic gift by purchasing that Kitchen-Aid mixer for you.
It’s funny, because I have always been all about clothes and jewelry and vacations. However, now that I’m married and had to resign my job (and possibly even give up my career) to relocate to be with my DH in a small town in his rural area, and we’re only living on his much smaller income, I’ve had to live with us not even really getting each other gifts for Christmas since we’ve been married (Christmas PJs or slippers, and candy in our stockings being the exceptions.)
Although I would love to receive jewelry or a wonderful trip, I was very excited this year when DH was out shopping for the kids (my stepchildren) and suggested that we also buy a Keurig for ourselves! I also was extremely happy when my parents offered to help us buy another vacuum so that we’d have one on both floors of our house, and DH agreed, because we only had to spend a relatively small amount of money ourselves to get it. I even joked, “When did I become that woman who was so excited to get appliances for Christmas!!” LOL
I’m not saying you shouldn’t be permitted to want beautiful, romantic gifts or that you need to resign yourself to only receiving appliances for every special occasion for the rest of your life. I’m merely suggesting that you consider the value your SO has placed on the gifts he has given you and that you consider them in that light.
Post # 7
Wow. I got a Kitchenaid mixer also for Christmas and was thrilled. He knows how much I love to bake but would never spend $400 on one. So I think for a first Christmas together that’s a lot of money and you should be grateful.
Post # 8
Honestly I don’t see what is wrong with a Kitchen Aid stand mixer as a christmas gift from a SO. It’s not your basic run-of-the-mill mixer; it’s a luxury item, meant to spoil you.
It has nothing to do with the differences between men and women or how they show affection in different ways; it’s all about indulging someone with something they want, and that makes them happy, but that normally would be out of their price range. Unless you absolutely hate to cook, I think this is a lovely gift, along the lines of high-end Wusthof knives or a high-end coffee maker. And just because a gift is practical doesn’t make it an un-romantic or bad gift.
Post # 9
I don’t get it… your boyfriend got you an expensive item that you wanted, needed, and will use, and you’re upset?? If we all could be so lucky…
Post # 10
@jackaroo1223: PLEASE don’t approach it as “I think maybe I just need to explain you don’t get someone something practical for a gift if they would buy it for themselves”
Approach it as how thoughtful it is about getting you things that are more practical, but how you would really like “fun” things or something like that. “I love it when you think of what I need, but what really makes me feel special is when you get me something I want but wouldn’t buy myself.” (even if he never has, just go with it). Seems like you have different gift styles, neither is wrong. You just need to teach him (nicely and without making him feel he did something wrong) what you need and what makes you happy.
Many people give practical gifts and enjoy getting them. DH’s mom got him sauce pans, it’s his favorite Christmas gift this year. Sure, he’d have bought them himself, likely right after the holidays (we hate shopping) and now he doesn’t have to. Personally I wouldn’t care if it’s practical, I’d think “awsome, now I don’t have to go find and buy that thing I need!” I’m happy someone got me something, but honestly I like the more practial stuff too, then I think of that person everytime I use it. 🙂 Takes all kinds!
Post # 11
@jackaroo1223: I love practical presents. Really, I find DH’s sussing out of the very practical thing that I need at the moment to be very thoughtful.
So sorry, OP I can’t relate. I’m not saying that you should change your feelings about wanting “romantic” presents, though. We are who we are, you want what you want. Start talking to him now about your expectations for birthdays and Christmas so that the two of you can figure out how to meet your need.
And really, point out to him how bloody EASY flowers are. He doesn’t have to spend $120 on long stemmed roses, getting whatever is in season at the moment and beautiful is much nicer and less expensive.
Post # 12
He got it for you because that is what you wanted….
Post # 13
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
Dude, I once asked for (and got) from an SO a Kitchen Aid stand mixer. It’s only an offensive gift if you don’t want one and wouldn’t use it. Cooking is one of the ways I show my love for people, so for me, cooking-related gifts are romantic.
Post # 14
Man, I would love for my SO to get me a Kitchen Aid mixer. That’s an extremely nice gift that you’ll have for a long time. If you wanted something that wasn’t practical you should have told him.
Post # 15
If it’s any consolation my FI got me a laundry basket and a toothbrush sanitiser…:)
Post # 16
Thanks for the perspective. A lot of you are right- he did think he was getting me something great- and it is great, and i will get a lot of use out of it.