Post # 1
My venue hold 120 people comfortable. We could add a tent in front (it’s a barn), but if the weather is cold and rainy, people will pretty much be “stuck in the tent” or barn, so they don’t have to run in the rain. I really don’t want a tent because I feel it would be like trying to maintain two parties and we really don’t have the money for it.
We can keep our numbers at 120, inviting no cousins. Adding local cousins puts us at 156. We know that some people won’t come, but feel better about the idea of an A list/ B list due to the space issues. The main problem is that the cousins will be on the B list. They are grown adults who would receive their own invitations and live on their own, but the A list would include their parents. Would it be bad form for my aunts/uncles to receive their invitations and then their (adult) children receive invitations a month later?
Post # 3
We have the same issue. Here’s what we are doing: The A list will go out on X date. AS SOON AS a NO comes in, a B list invite goes out. It will take some invited a few days to get places so it won’t look like there really was a B list at all.
So invites go out, I get numbers 14, 54, and 87 back as NO. Blist number 201,201,203 go out in the mail.
Hope this helps!!!!
Post # 4
I think that is better because the invitations go out continuously and you can tell people that your sending them out in batches, but what do you do if you get two “no” replys, but 201,202 and 203 are siblings, or very close with 207 and 208?
Post # 5
By etiquette standards A list and B lists are forbidden. Personally, if I am on the B list I would rather not be invited.
If you proceed you may have some hurt feelings. Only you can decide if the risk reward is worth it.
Post # 6
The problem is we have to invite entire “levels” of family to invite one person from that level. Ex. We aren’t inviting any cousins on List A because they will not fit in the venue, but if we have some guests decline, we will have room to invite them all. SandyToes reply would work in certain cases, but I was wondering how she would handle it in a casse like my own. I really want my cousins to be there, but I don’t want to upset people by picking and choosing cousins (mainly upseting my FIL) a few cousins that work with the numbers on the A list.
Post # 7
just a word of warning… we sent out invites to 140 people on Feb 6 with an RSVP date by April 1… to this day we only have 3 “no’s” with 39 people that we havent heard back from. so the “no’s” might not come quickly and give you as smooth of a turn around as you might hope. sorry 🙁
Post # 8
We got most of our “no” responses closer to our rsvp date. Good luck with a ‘B’ list. It seems rather stressful and risky to me.
Post # 9
I understand why you would want to go with an A list B list, but – like others have said – there are risks. Maybe you could send out all of your A list invites except for the cousins AND the aunts/uncles. As responses come in (or don’t come in) you can make the decision to send the remaining invites out to everyone, or just your A list.
Post # 10
@lessons: We are going to have a similar issue. I have a HUGE family, each of my parents have 10 siblings and each of them are married and have several children. We cannot afford to have the wedding we want and invite everyone. My plan is to invite the family i am closest to and to let the rest know that we are having an intimate event and although we wish we can invite everyone, it cant be done. But if more space becomes available we we send them an invite.
I wouldnt be offended if I found out i was on a B list becase I know the person still would like me there. It better than not getting an invite at all. Just be open and honest about it an im sure your cousins will understand.
Oh and i totally get the whole “levels” thing. I have an aunt who has 8 adult children and based on our preliminary guest list i cannot invite all of them. Im not super close to them and i have other family members that i am close to that i want to invite. I dont want to pick and choose between siblings so we are considering not inviting any of them.
Post # 11
I thought of doing an A and B list, but didn’t in the end. Almost all of the ‘no’s came right at or after the RSVP date, and I am still chasing down some people who I suspect will ultimately be ‘no’s at two weeks from the wediing. A B list just wouldn’t work unless you started the whole process quite early and set an early RSVP date for the A listers.