Post # 1
Has anyone sent out an “A list” and a “B list” for the invitations? How do you keep the “B list” people from knowing they are on the B list? I’d love to invite everyone but our space is limited and I don’t want to order two sets of invitations with different RSVP dates. My plan was to send the first round out 9 weeks before the wedding, hope for some responses, and then send out the second round 6 weeks before the wedding. Or should I just throw caution to the wind and send them all in one big batch and hope for the best?
Post # 3
Well, this is technically an etiquette no-no. I know people have done it, but typically when I’ve seen it done, the response cards do have two separate dates (so you’d have to order two sets). If your B-list guests knew they were B-listed, they will likely be offended (rightfully so), so if you decide to do this, proceed with extreme caution.
I would also not send more invitations than your venue can hold, because there’s a (small) chance everyone will show up, and then you’re in big trouble.
I’d work on trimming your guest list the best you can.
Post # 4
Maybe I should clarify, quite a few on my “first round” (I really don’t like the terms A list and B list, but I figured people would know what I was talking about that way), are out of town distant relatives that will most likely NOT show up. And most of the folks on my “second round” list at the moment are co-workers and friends that I’d like to have there and most likely WOULD come.
Is the rule of thumb 75% of the guests you invite actually come?
Post # 5
I don’t know what percentage actually come (it’s different for everyone), but I still think it’s a bad idea to invite more than your venue can hold.
I’m in the same boat as you – about 75% of my guests have to travel at least 500 miles to my wedding. I just mailed out invitations, and already, 50% of those people have booked hotel rooms and started making travel arrangements. My venue can safely hold 170, and I invited 178…and I was very nervous about doing that.
Post # 6
I wouldn’t invite more than you can fit… You just never know. I think there’s nothing wrong with A and B lists and they make sense to me. Send out your first round of invites well ahead of the RSVP deadline and some of your A-listers will know right away they can’t make it. When you get no’s, send some more invite. As long as the B listers aren’t sent an RSVP that is so quick to be obviously last minute invitees, it should be just fine.
Post # 7
@RiverBride13: if people know you sent STDs, they’ll know they’re on the B list when they get an invite but no STD.
As long as you send the invite out early enough it doesn’t matter in my opinion.
I’ve been on obvious D lists before (invited 3 weeks before a wedding without a formal invitation sent) and I had no issue going. I was happy to be able to come celebrate and understand that not everyone can be invited especially not in the first round.
As your RSVP cards come back with nos, send more invites out.
Post # 8
I am sending my invites out 10 weeks before the wedding for round A, with an RSVP date 4 weeks before the wedding. As I get “no” RSVPs I’ll send out B list invites as long as they still have 3 weeks before the date on the card. If your guests don’t have enough time to RSVP then have new RSVP cards printed.
Post # 9
I’m doing it as it goes—I know my MAX guest list. (although my venue can hold 500, I’m inviting 275) but everytime someone RSVPs NO, I send a B-list invite. Although its more work, it’ll save you the hassle of trying to fit everyone and pay for extra people.
Post # 10
We framed them as our “must-be-invited list” and our “wish list,” and did what PPs have suggested: for each “no” that came back, we sent out an invitation to someone on the wish list. Things worked out just fine.