Weddingbee boards

SoooOOoo, Mr. Luna and I have been considering just eloping or doing a small family ceremony and a nice little dinner afterward then having an amazing honeymoon. Our budget was getting WAY out of control and the hotel we were considering isn't budging or willing to negotiate on anything. Well, here's the pickle - I already asked my MOH and bridesmaids to be in the wedding! I know it's totally rude to 'unask' people to be in your wedding, but is it something totally different to say hey, it's going to be very close family only (I mean we are talking parents, grandparents and siblings) so... no real 'wedding' to be in? I'm not quite sure what to do here. We went from about 135 guests and a pretty good size ceremony/reception, to this as a possibility. I don't want to hurt feelings, but I also would much rather spend our money on a beautiful honeymoon making memories than for cold chicken at a reception. Thoughts?

Thanks,

Bella

@ Jacqi - i hate to say this, but probably not. We are also doing a smaller wedding for family reasons, and if we invite them and the groomsmen (without dates), and the local aunts n' uncles, etc aren't invited... we end up right back where we were with additional family discord.

Of course I wouldn't ask them to buy dresses! They haven't even seen what I thought they would wear yet, I literally asked them the end of last month.

-Bella

I agree, but if we do this (which I suppose we could), we will end up back where we started...that's more the issue than the expense.

Well, tvilase, that's exactly it. This is stressing me out to the hilt (over a wedding, ridiculous), I can't find a venue that we both think is nice (with a reasonable price tag) with a space that would be big enough, etc. It's just gotten very overwhelming, to the point that some days I think we should just be done with this and go to the JOP. That's why I was thinking something small, simple with close family around. It's not that I don't want my girls there, I do very much so, but my family has A LOT of drama in general (my parents are divorced, my bio-mom has issues, we both have HUGE families who will be upset regardless of who is invited because OMG we had the gaul to not invite great great great aunt margie or whoever because neither of us have ever met her... etc). Serious... family... DRAMA. Sorry about the run on sentence there, didn't know how else to get it across. I would also love to have my maternal aunt and 2 cousins there, but if I invite them, then FI's mom will want to invite more people, etc. I just can see this getting very out of control, very fast (it kinda already has). For example, come to find out afterwards we weren't actually invited to his cousin's wedding that we went to even though FMIL said that she (cousin) had sent us invites (turns out there wasn't enough seating or food because other family members had done this too - invite people who weren't really invited). This should be a happy time... not disasterous with more than a little family drama sprinkled in. Sorry for the rant girls, can you tell I've needed to get this stuff off my chest for a while? :)

-Bella 

Also, for those concerned about my talking about an elaborate honeymoon in lieu of the wedding. I certainly don't plan to go flaunting that around, but if friends ask to see photos or ask how it went afterward, I don't think that it should be something I have to hide. I think that sometimes people spend A LOT of money for their family and friends (and sometimes people they really have no idea who they are), to eat cold food and what have you. I just tend to think we might want to spend our money on something we would actually enjoy and have memories of (we have never travelled together before, beyond to FL for a weekend) as opposed to something that is so stressful, drama filled and beginning to be not-so-fun anymore (planning).

I was asked to be the MOH in my best friend's wedding and then one day out of nowhere she called me and said they were cancelling the big wedding and opting for a smaller affair with only close family.  To be honest I was very hurt to go from being her MOH to not even invited to the wedding.  Luckily they changed their minds again and ended up having the wedding they had originally planned.  Of course if they would have opted for the smaller ceremony I would have been happy for her and supported her, but I still would have been upset.  Speaking from the other side of issue, it's a little bit of a sting when someone you are so close with goes from having you as a bridesmaid or MOH and then all of a sudden you aren't even invited.  

Ultimately, you need to do what's right for you since it is your wedding, but just be careful how you go about un-asking them and explaining that they are no longer invited.  They might be caught off guard and hurt about it, but if they are your friends they will still support your decision.  Good luck!

Perhaps we should just run off somewhere and get married - with nobody there but us! :) I think that could solve a lot of issues...

-Bella

i say it your wedding do what you want and if they are true friends they should understand unless they have already gotten their stuff in that case it would be rude.

Well, some good news on this front. I think we may have found a venue that can accomodate us (pricing, distance, size, food, etc). I am going to see it on Friday so hopefully it's a good one. :) FI's boss also had a suggestion on where he and his wife married. So, not all hope is lost :)

-Bella