(Closed) A little bit of a vent and a little bit of advice needed…

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

So I don’t want to sound rude but have you thought about what this means? Eloping granted means really not telling anyone. However, have you thought about finances and insurance policies? How old is your fiance?Does he have a full time job? What do your future in laws think/know about this plan? There are awhole lot of other people and concerns to think about besides getting away from your mom.

I think we have all been there, being treated like a “servent” – I know I have and sometimes parents can take us for granted, but we can take them for granted too.

I’m not going into a whole lecture about “being too young” and what not because I would hate for people to treat me that way. My fiance and I could easily run to Vegas or to the court house to get married, but our families would be very hurt and very disappointed that they weren’t there to share it with us. I know it may be hard to put up with parents (I grew up with a mom that made me clean and take care of things around the house; got told to eat healthier and to work out and to lose weight; not to be lazy etc), but sometimes they do tell us these things for a reason.

Anyway, I wish you the best of luck in your future and your future marriage!

Post # 4
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

You’re going to elope on your birthday? Have you even graduated highschool? I know you really love your fiancee, but there are things you are going to go through in the next few years that you couldn’t even fathom right now, so why not do a long engagement? If it’s meant to be, it will still be there in a couple of years, and it sounds like with all the drama you’re dealing with it may be worth it to wait. You want to be on good terms with your family when you get married because you will always look back and wish they had been involved. I think you should wait a little bit and give them a chance.

The first thing I would do would be to get out of “Mom’s” house and take care of yourself completely. You may think you’re extremely independant, but again it’s totally different once you’re actually doing it all by yourself. And living with his parents after you get married will ruin your marriage. Straight up, I’m being honest with you. It will. You need to wait until you can support yourselves. Honestly, you’re not adult enough to get married if you’re not even adult enough to support yourself.

This may not be what you want to hear, these are my thoughts and you can take them for what you’d like! The best of luck to you in what you decide to do. I wish you the best and I hope you do the right thing.

Post # 6
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

After reading your post, I think you’re rushing into marriage.  To get married is not to have sex.  I have several questions for you (in no particular order):

Are you ready to be married (live, support, love one another forever)?  To spend the rest of your life with this person?  To have children with him?  Are you going to college?  Will your parents help you out if you’re married? Are you absolutely sure that he will support you in all of your goals?  Do you know what his dreams and goals are? Have you talked about finances (who will pay for what)?  You can’t support each other by finding a place to rent, so why do you have to get married now?

You should go to college, support yourself… and reevaluate where you’re at once you’ve finished a Bachelor’s Degree.  I promise that you will change in the next four years, and could be making a decision you’ll later regret.  Mom’s can be irritating, but they’re always right! 🙂

Post # 8
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t mean to be harsh but this really seems like an immature teenage rant to me!

If you were completely independent you would have left already and you wouldn’t need your mother’s permission to do something – you would just do it!

If I were you I would just move out as your mom seems like she is the root of your problem and still plan your wedding for June! Are you guys paying for the wedding all by yourself? Do you think that you should wait until you both are more financially stable so that you can move out on your own as soon as you are married? I think it is important to have your family at your wedding! Can you still move in with your inlaws without eloping?

Post # 9
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

just for him to leave you for the night you “usually end up crying and of course it takes me about half an hour to let him leave”.  that sounds like a person that still needs to mature to me (sorry, dont mean to be so mean about that)

i can understand love but im worried you are rushing into this to either justify having sex or to leave the house that you hate so much. im not saying you are not in love – its obvious that you are but are there any other options for you right now?

either way – if you do get married – goodluck and congrats and do your best not to burn your bridges with your mother but if you have to, do it kindly

goodluck!

 

 

Post # 11
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am sorry that you are crushed by our responses but I think we are just concerned about you and want you to be doing this for the right reasons.

 

One question?

Why do you have to get married now? Why can’t you guys experience everything together and get married after college when you are more financially stable?

Ok it turned into two! 

Post # 12
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

You should not get married just to be able to have sex. HAVE SEX! It’s just not that big of deal! I much rather be the mother of a child having sex at 18, then a child getting divorced at 21. I’ll say it, because it’s true, but you are MUCH too young to get married. The fact that you are hiding it from your mother proves that. Please rethink this before it’s too late.

Post # 13
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

You posted a couple of weeks ago saying you bought a house… I thought you just said you were going to move in with your boyfriend’s parents? You also posted about him not even paying attention to you when he was at your house and as soon as your mom comes into the picture he goes home, if he cared for you why wouldn’t he stay there to make sure you were okay after she left? Also, you just posted 5 days ago about reception food… this is obviously an emotional, irrational decision, just be careful! Just because you hate it when your boyfriend leaves doesn’t mean he’s the one and that you should rush into marrying him. Getting married wont solve your problems.

Nothing we say is going to change your mind so I’m not sure what you’re looking for here, maybe for someone to pat your back so you can rationalize what you’re doing, but people are here who have gone through the same life experiences as you have… and we’re letting you know what we think but you continue to try to rationalize it.

We wouldn’t post on here unless we didn’t want you to be “just another statistic.” So think about what you’re doing, and remember that getting married wont solve your problems. If he’s the one, he’ll be worth the wait…

Post # 15
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

No, husbands will not always be there. Marriage is hard. Marriage is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I was 8 years older then you when I married. I’m married to somebody 7 years older then me. It’s hard and it doesn’t get easier for years.  

BTW, what are you going to tell your mom if she won’t even let you go out of town with him? Oh no, we’re not married, but I’m moving in with his parents? If you are adult enough to get married, you are adult enough to tell your parents what you are doing.

The topic ‘A little bit of a vent and a little bit of advice needed…’ is closed to new replies.

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