Post # 1
I think this is might be a typical problem among encore brides, but I am experiencing some wedding guilt.
My best friend and I got engaged at about the same time, I’m and encore, she is not. She and her man are a relatively new item, less than a year from meeting to the alter and my FI and I have been together many years.
In part due to their short time frame, they haven’t saved up any money and are keeping their wedding/reception small and inexpensive. Mine is by no means a lavish affair, but I have a really nice gown that I bought (on consignment–it’s once wed just like me) and my BF may not get a “real” wedding gown at all. Their are plenty of other bridal experince things that I am forgoing this time that I feel like she should experience (shower, bachelorette party, etc) but isn’t planning to do–and I am out of state/work full time/in night school–so I can’t just pick up and do what I would like to do for her. 🙁
It’s gotten to the point where I am considering selling the gown before my event and just wearing a nice knee length white dress ($200) I bought for the Vegas elopement.
What do you think, should I keep the gown? Is anyone else experiencing similar guilt? Am I just projecting onto her?
Post # 3
Keep the gown! As long as she’s not crying on your shoulder or pouting about what she isn’t going to be able to do, you might be projecting a bit too much.
It almost sounds like she’s not as into all the trapping as you are–don’t let that stop you from having the wedding that’s right for you.
We don’t have to be ashamed or tone-it-down just because we’ve been down the aisle once before. Every marriage deserves to be celebrated. You do it your way and enjoy it, push away the guilt 🙂
Post # 4
You should wear whatever you wanted to and intended to wear. It’s what you feel your best in. Nothing should change that opinion.
Just make sure to do the best you can with your BF. Make sure you are there for her as much as possible. Her family doesn’t want to have a shower for her?
Post # 5
Thanks ladies for your responses! I think I will keep the dress.
Her parents are elderly and 4-5 hours away and her sister is across the country, when I ask if she is having a shower, she says “No.” I decided to put together a “Shower in a Box” for her to include a nighty, a bottle of champaign, and at least a gift card to a spa to go get pampered for a day. Any other suggestions?
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
I love the shower in a box idea. I think anything you can do like this would make her feel super special. You could send her those silly “I’m the bride” items too for a bachelorette party in a box.
A bit similar, my SIL and brother had a 20-person backyard wedding thrown together by my mom in a week b/c they knew they wouldn’t be able to afford a big wedding the following year when they initially had planned to get married. My brother and I were engaged around the same time, and I had a pretty traditional wedding. I felt bad for my SIL & I knew she wanted a big wedding, but at the end of the day, it is not your decision how a friend/family member budgets or plans. My FI and I were together for 4 years before getting engaged, and had the savings to pay for our own wedding if needed (luckily my mom payed for half).
Post # 7
@Miss Gamer:You have nothing to feel guilty about. Be thankful that you have met your love mate and be merry! When I was planning to get married my BFF offered to buy me my wedding dress ($1800-$2000) and we are on equal levels financially. If you can afford to give her a generous gift that will allow her to purchase a wedding gown or some special things for the wedding do it but if you can’t you should not feel bad about it. I think all I’m trying to say is you deserve to be happy and do what you can for a friend but don’t put added pressure on yourself. Her money problems are not your money problems.
Post # 8
Is she getting married after you? Is she about the same size. Maybe should would want to wear your dress? Its a bit unconventional, but she may want to.
Post # 9
@Miss Gamer: She will looooove that “Shower in a Box”. What a fantastic idea!