Post # 1
We had our engagement party recently, put on by our families. It was an amazing party with wonderful decorations and delicious food and two families coming together. Everyone kept talking about how much fun they were having and how great it was to have both families meeting and mingling. I felt a little stressed running around and making sure to socialize with everyone etc, while FI was mostly just hanging out with the buds in the corner, drinking beers all day. I didn’t think anything of it really until the end of the night when I realized that we barely spent any time together during the whole party, and looking at pictures today, the only time we were really together was to cut the cake. Now I feeling like I’ve put a little sad cloud over the otherwise amazing event.
I guess I am just wondering if any other bees had a similar experience. Am I overreacting for feeling sad/upset with FI that we weren’t really together during the party? Like I said I was having such a great time with everyone until family started going home and me and the bridesmaids starting cleaning up excess food that it kind of hit me that we barely hung out together (and he still socializing the with guys while the girls were putting things away). This party was supposed to be celebrating us and I guess looking back I felt like we didn’t celebrate enough together, but more with all the guests. Also I felt like I socialized more with all the guests (Granted they were mostly my family) while he socialized mostly with his group of dudes.
I think I’m also worried about the same thing happening at the wedding being pulled in so many directions with all the guests that we won’t take the time to be together as bride and groom…
Thanks for listening/reading
Post # 3
I think that is VERY VERY common. You have lots of time to spend together but very few times you’ll have all these people together in the same room. I don’t think you need to be bummed about it – the parties really are about the community and family you’re building around yourselves, not just about the couple themselves.
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
I think that it’s okay if you guys weren’t together much during your engagement party; engagement parties are to celebrate with your friends and family what your FI and you already celebrated the day that he proposed. It sounds like you had fun (up until you realized this) which is the important part! Just make sure that for the wedding, you are both on the same page of sticking together when making the rounds from table to table and speaking with friends and relatives etc.
Don’t stress too much about this one day. And congratulations!!
Post # 5
I see this weddings ALL THE TIME… and while I understand that you get pulled in different directions, it’s not for me. A friend told me that the best wedding advice she got was to stay with her groom through the entire wedding so that you have the same memories of it. My husband and I did that, and I’m SO glad we did that — we were able to experience and (later) relive it together, which was really special.
Post # 6
I can see you bing upset about this, and I don’t think you are overreacting at all. Please, I sometimes get sad when I feel like FI and I haven’t spent enough quality time together on our day off together every week. (We’re together, but maybe we didn’t do anything fun or bonding or relaxing). In your case, snce the party is over, and you can’t go back the only thing you can do is learn from this. I would talk with your FI about how you feel about what happened at the party, and that you don’t want it to happen again at the wedding. If you both are making a conscious effort to enjoy each other first, and then visit and be social with family together as a couple it will probably come together a bit better. This way if one of you strays, maybe the other will catch it before hours have passed. I can see how easily it can get distracting though, there are so many guests, and you want to talk with everyone at least once. I mean it’s pretty rude if hosts don’t socialize with guests. Hopefully if you two stick by eachother’s side, and not seperate it would be more enjoyable and you will have fond memories from the wedding.
Post # 7
I’m glad you had a wonderful time otherwise. If it bothers you now that the two of you didn’t get to spend too much time together during your party – talk with him about how you feel. It could be he feels the same way. The two of you can come up with a plan to avoid this happening in the future.
My FI and I always check in with each other at least a few times during social gatherings, either for a quick kiss or hug and to see if the other is having a good time. We’ve worked out a balance that allows us to enjoy the company of others and celebrate occasions but also not feel isolated from each other – because we check in (probably about once per hour). The last party we attended my FI found me, took me into another room (where we could be alone) and said, “It’s been an hour since I’ve seen you, give me a kiss, I miss you.” 🙂 It just took a moment of our time, then he went back to hanging out with the guys who were watching the game, and I went back to join the ladies hanging out in the kitchen. A fun time was had by all. 🙂
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2011 - Clark Gardens
Splitting up during he big parties was the only way we could make sure to mingle with all the guests for long periods of time. We’d meet up periodically and check in with eachother, spend a few minutes together, and then split up again to talk to more guests. Try not to let it bug you.
Post # 9
Dont worry! Friends often have stag and does or engagement parties and RARELY see eachother at the party.. its just the way it goes because you get talking and having a good time
dont worry 🙂
Post # 10
As a veteran of entertaining, it’s typical to finally lay down in bed together and realize it’s the first time I’ve seen him since the guests started arriving….it’s not something that gets to us, because we’re playing host/hostess, and when you do that, it’s all about the guests. Which can be totally overwhelming, since they expressly came to see you!! It’s like anything else, like a dance, you learn to do it together and kind of orbit around each other and the party….that’s no easy trick. And it’s ok to be a upset about it, but don’t let it mar the entire night for you, just make a plan to be a little more together during the next events.
Post # 11
What is he normally like at parties? If he normally sticks to the sidelines visiting with his buddies, I wouldn’t expect any different behavior at an engagement party or the wedding.
Post # 12
FI and I weren’t together during our engagement BBQ. I was roaming around making sure everyone was having fun, talking, etc. He was more laid back and was having fun drinking and talking with my brothers (he doesn’t have siblings). I didn’t find it to be odd so I didn’t get upset over it. I do wish we took more pictures together though.
Post # 13
Wow I should have come here first before having a little cry at FI’s house yesterday! Haha Thanks for making me feel better bees. And you are right that I am the more talkative one while he is a little shy which is why he probably didn’t venture too far from his close buddies. At normal parties I never mind splitting up and doing our own thing, I think because it was a special party for us that I noticed it at all, but you are right that we have our whole lives to celebrate together 🙂
Great suggestions on how to make sure we get to spend time together at the wedding while still being able to split up and see all of our guests. Thanks again!
Post # 14
Engagement parties are usually are similar to a wedding scenario where you are talking to the guests more than anything. I don’t know many brides who got to spend much time with their groom on the wedding day, except for taking pictures. Unless you make it a point to stick together while making the rounds, I don’t think you will see each other until the end of the night and random events in between. People will be constantly talking to you and you will not have a chance for yourself. The wedding is really about the guests and the family unless you elope, lol. The honeymoon is when you get to be together 🙂
Post # 15
Don’t feel bad! Our entire wedding was like this! I felt like we were only together when we had specific tasks to do like cut the cake and our first dance. Even eating…we scarfed down what we could to go and talk to people at the tables, and we were always on the opposite side of the table making our way around.
I have to agree with the PP, the honeymoon is when we spent all of our time together, and it was so incredibly relieving and relaxing!! That was the best part about the whole wedding!!