A Little Concerned

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Other than looking for advice online, should one of these other measures?
    House meeting with roommates - everyone voices their concerns about this behavior : (17 votes)
    57 %
    Relationship counseling - since I've already tried voicing my concerns to him myself : (8 votes)
    27 %
    Anger management : (2 votes)
    7 %
    Addiction counseling : (1 votes)
    3 %
    Combination of above (please comment) : (2 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    5222 posts
    Bee Keeper

    @HannahJobanna:  I’m sure a lot of people are going to jump in here and start screaming ” red flags!’ but honestly… it just sounds like immaturity and college aged boy behavior. 


    Before DH and I moved into our own place, we also had roommates and they would all play video games together and separately. I cannot tell you how many times someone would get upset and the expletives would start with a smash of the controller to the couch. I would suggest just bringing it up again in casual conversation– but honestly– it wouldn’t bother me if this was his hobby time and if he wants to spend it looking like an ass yelling at a video game, be my guest.


    Post # 4
    2355 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I would let it go as long as he’s not smashing the TV.

    Post # 5
    1109 posts
    Bumble bee

    @HannahJobanna:  I’m actually guilty of this exact behavior, except for the throwing things bit. Most people I know tend to get really into video games, and you would never think by looking at me that I scream probably the worst profanities known to man at the screen because I died for the 10th time because a dragon bit my head off.

    I think it’s okay unless if he actually starts to break things, then I would be a little worried.

    Post # 6
    1275 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I guess I don’t see his behavior on a daily basis so it’s hard for me to say, but after hanging out with my FI while he lived in a fraternity, I feel I can say with some certainty that this is kind of the norm. My FI doesn’t play video games regularly but when he does, he swears at the game all the time. I read this to my FI and he said his behavior is definitely pretty normal for guys into video games but also said that if he agreed to tone down his behavior then he knows it’s pretty ridiculous and should be trying harder to control it. I think a house meeting would be embarrassing and while I don’t know this for sure I don’t feel like he needs addiction or anger therapy. Idk. I guess I am not very helpful but it seems to me like I’d talk to him about this again and let him try to work on it more before resorting to couples counseling.

    Post # 7
    1190 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’d have the roommates casually mention it when you’re not around, that way it doesn’t seem like he’s being attacked.

    My SO does that crap during football games. It’s just them being morons, nothing further than that.

    Personally, when my SO acts like that, I go into another room and stay there, read a book, etc.

    Post # 8
    1167 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @Mrs_Amanda:  +1, no red flags here!

    I am slightly guilty of this pleasure too. Im a gamer while FI is defnintely not (go figure?) And yep, when your invested in a game its hard not to get “upset” at the game. Its still very enjoyable, its like reading a really sad or heartbreaking book, you dont toss it cause it made you cry! 🙂

    The only time I would be annoyed is if he’s doing this at stupid times of the night and waking people, or if he’s causing damage to things other than himself or his controller.

    Controller goes at the TV? Talk time. Punches a wall? Talk time. He throws it at the couch? Leave him be, this is who you are marrying, I wouldn’t try to change such a primal behaviour. Especially if he’s invested in his games, if you nag him about it and keep asking him to not raise his voice, cuss or get mad, he might end up seeing it as you trying to change him/his behaviour (seen it happen, unfortunately also over a videogame. My brother’s one of those who is a little invested…)

    Good luck though, this may be something you have to live out until he’s no longer a young testosterone filled man!

    Post # 9
    3156 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @HannahJobanna:  Not to make light of your situation, but I think your poll options are pretty dramatic.  

    He’s just being a boy.  Sure it seems silly to us, but I know guys get really into it.  

    Post # 10
    563 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @HannahJobanna:  My DH used to play videogames (Call of Duty) all the time and would get annoyed with me if I talked to him while he was on the headset. Thankfully, he grew out of this! He still has an Xbox, but sold all of his videogames a couple of years ago. Your SO will eventually get bored with the game, complete all the levels, or grow out of his videogame habit. Try inviting him to do more activities together so he has less time to play videogames 🙂

    Post # 11
    1007 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    He sounds like a male that is passionate about madden. My husband never really grew out of his madden and ncaa obsession, but he def doesn’t cuss at the game as much as he used to. This sounds like relatively normal behavior to me. 

    Post # 12
    6812 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I would NOT schedule an intervention with your roommates. I think that would be very odd and he’ll likely feel attacked. If they are uncomfortable with it, they should deal with it like they would any other roommate. If you’re uncomfortable with it, you should deal with it like a girlfriend, not like a roommate and leave the roommates out of it.

    Just bring it up again, if it’s that bad. Otherwise, just know he’s a little nuts when he plays madden. He’s just really into it and passionate. And you’re probably annoying him when you tell him to calm down.

    Also, how do YOU feel when you’re mad/upset at something and someone tells you to “relax”?

    Post # 13
    1167 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @HannahJobanna:  Also, you seriously need more poll options. You don’t even have an option for “Talk to him alone.” let alone us who all say “Leave him be unless he starts breaking things, then talk to him alone.”


    Post # 14
    8678 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Unless you are a gamer, you cannot understand why he does this

    My husband and I are hardcore gamer. We are incredibly competitive (With each other and alone) and both of us act very explosively. My husband plays a game called Heroes of Newerth (very competitive, player-vs-player stuff) and he acts nearly identical to this with the exception of controller throwing. It isn’t that the game is making him upset — he’s upset he isn’t winning or has messed up in some way. It isn’t anger, it’s passion and desire to do better.

    Do not have an intervention. Being this way, if my husband had an intervention about the way I played a game, I would feel very cornered. Without trying to sound condesending, you’re trying to stop something you do not understand. You can’t get why people have such reactions unless you have ever played a game you were passionate about.

    It’s annoying when you have to listen to someone do it (I get irritated with my husband, and he gets irritated at me)  but unless he is breaking the TV, leave him alone. Put on music and do something you like to do and let him have his game. I think it’s silly to compare aggression to a game to aggression towards another person. The two simply are nothing alike.

    ETA: Telling him to relax is napalm on a fire. Don’t tell him to relax or ever utter the words “It’s just a game” because that will take him from aggrivated to infuriated. Even outside of video games, if you were pissed off, you wouldn’t want somebody to tell you to relax.

    Post # 15
    6633 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    He is just being male,  my DH is in his late 30’s and does this when playing a video game or gets pissy and starts swearing at the TV if his favorite sports team is losing.  Long as he isn’t destroying or hitting you I see nothing really wrong with it.  It is just how some people are 

    Post # 16
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Hi @HannahJobanna:  First and foremost I see this is your DEBUT post… so a BIG Welcome to “the Hive”

    If that is all that is going on, then I agree with the other Bees… NO RED FLAGS !!

    *sigh of relief*

    Now if he was doing this infront of you, and throwing the console AT YOU or in your general direction… THAT WOULD BE A WHOLE OTHER ISSUE (Red Flags then)

    Otherwise this just sounds like “adolescent boy behaviour”

    And ya as women, sometimes we see it as pretty sucky… especially so if there is a lot of cuss words happening.

    You can try to talk to him about how upsetting it is… but more than likely he will continue to do it… as it is part of his personality (and he also won’t take well to you telling him “how he should feel”)

    For him he “feels” upset when something doesn’t go the way he wants… so he takes it out on essentially himself…

    He is swearing at himself (altho it might not sound that way)

    To be honest, Mr TTR at 60+ still does this when he is engaged in something that he enthralled in / invested in… be it a complicated task in his Office, Hockey Game on Tv, or Home Repair…

    It definitely Pees me off to hear a BIG BLUE STREAK of cuss words… but as he says… “IF it ain’t focussed at you… you truly shouldn’t care”

    And he’s right.

    It is just a for the most part acceptable way that men let off steam.

    Undecided *rolls eyes*

    PS… Infact MEN KNOW that it is pretty stupid behaviour.  Mr TTR has no qualms telling me about his buddies on the Golf Course that are prone to Swearing Fits and tossing their Golf Clubs (he too thinks it sounds / looks pretty silly)  The guys know it isn’t right… but they do it anyhow.


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