(Closed) A little confused… is my fiance invited?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

That it only has one line for a name isn’t uncommon, although it is often printed on cards as “M____________________” (meaning you could fill in, for example, Ms. DreamingofDiamonds, Ms. Dreaming of Diamonds & Mr. Diamonds, etc. It’s a pretty neutral line). 

That said, traditionally, because only your name was written on the invitation, that means only you are invited. That’s a breech of etiquette, your fiance should have ben invited with you – so I do think you might want to go with your gut and clarify. 

Post # 4
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

well it could just be an informal invitation?

i dont think it would say #attending if they only wanted who it was adressed to there.

 

our invitations were only addressed to the person who lived at the address (even if we knew they had girlfriends) but they could still fill in how many people were attending

but for people living together we put both names on the invitation.

it is confusing, but i am sure he is invited

Post # 7
Member
710 posts
Busy bee

She may have done the invitations before you announced your engagement and it slipped her mind in the midst of the rest of her planning.

Honestly, Wedding Bee is the only place I have heard brides with fierce resolve to specifically invite only certain people and specifically not invite those who don’t meet criteria A, B, and C. In my life, I find that people are so very excited to include. Therefore, if you’re close enough to personally call her to share your news of engagement, I don’t think it would be inappropriate to touch base with her to clarify. Just approach it from a place of being so excited for her and honored to be invited, and if the answer is that he isn’t invited for any reason… don’t protest. RSVP how you wish and that’s that.

Good luck!

Post # 9
Hostess
11869 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@shaka:  what she said!

 

Post # 10
Member
1773 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

The guest fills out the number attending line to RSVP. The host doesn’t write anything there. You or your mom should just ask them if he’s invited or not even though that address would usually mean that he isn’t. 

Post # 11
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would just write both names and write two attending and go from there. The invitation wasn’t formally written so just add the two. She should’ve made it 100% clear. If there’s a miscommunication, then she can call you and you can then make your decision on going or not 🙂 If I didn’t want extra guest going, I would have formally wrote the persons full name and how many attending And word of mouth or called that person personally knowing they are in a relationship. Give them a explanation why I could only invite one. 

Post # 12
Member
7878 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@DreamingofDiamonds:  Putting the first name doesn’t make it an informal invitation. The invitation is clear. Only you have been invited, according to the invitation. Formality or informality has nothing to do with it. The invitation invites exactly one person: you.

(As for why he’s not invited, it could be that as a relative, they decided you’d know other people and wouldn’t need a partner to acoompany you).

Therefore simply writing in “2” and your fiance’s name is not an option.

It is ok though, in my opinion, to politely enquire whether there has a mistake and whether she intended to invite your fiance. Do this not in a demanding way (“please invite fiance”) but in a way in which either “yes” or “no” is ok, (“I’m phoning to enquire whether fiance is invited”). That is what I’d do.

Post # 14
Hostess
3381 posts
Sugar bee

I think given the casual nature of the invite I’d ask.  Though it’s probably best to assume the your FI is not invited.  Take it graciously if your enquiry confirms this.

Post # 15
Member
8525 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Traditionally, the guest is supposed to be offended at the fill in the card style RSVP because it implies that they are incapable of writing back a proper reply without being reminded!  Today, a lot of people reluctantly use these cards as a necessary evil.  However, the host does not fill in the number attending – that is for the guest to do.  It varies with the number attending out of those *specifically* invited.  In this case, only you were invited. You don’t get to add extra people on that line.  

However, it is a breach of etiquette to exclude the engaged partner of a guest.   You may  call and ask if they meant to include your FI or have a relative who is closest to the host ask on your behalf.  However, if they say no, your only real recourse is not to attend.

Post # 16
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Whups!!!!! This exact thing happened to me once, before I found wedding bee, and we wrote in both names and number of guests. Come wedding day, FI didn’t have a name card and the  waiters had to scramble and make an extra place setting at the table. It was soooo embarrassing! but every one of our friends at the wedding assured us it didn’t make sense if only one of us was invited. We never spoke about this to the bride abs groom. It was weird. To be honest, till this day I still don’t know if the invite was really intended for 1 or if they made a mistake…. Oh well! Thank goodness I found the bee!

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