A little disappointed… (need advice)

posted 3 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
2113 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think with time and distance from this event, you’ll realize that you got a wonderful proposal. It sounds like he made up his mind and was just excited as all get out to propose. Like, he had to do it right away! I think it’s okay, maybe even normal to have these feelings…there is some serious media hype surrounding “the proposal” that is really not realistic for 90% of the population.

Post # 4
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@ykayuka702:  No you’re not horrible! I went through something like this too. I actually ruined my own proposal. We were supposed to go rock climbing with some friends who were going to photograph the moment( one of my requests), my dad called that day and wanted to have my mother’ birthday dinner. He actually eneded up proposing anyways on the side of the road. At first I was a little disappointed at how but I couldn’t be happier he did :]. Also he thought I was going to cry too but I was just off the wall giddy lol.

Post # 5
Member
1437 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

You’re certainly not horrible, and I understand being a bit disappointed. But if your relationship is otherwise great, I would let this go completely. In the grand scheme of things it’s minuscule.

Now, if you add to your story that your fiance tends to be cheap or thoughtless with you in general, and spends more money taking his guy friends out than he does taking you out, then maybe there would be an issue. But that’s not the impression I get from your post.

So I would let it go. Proposals are so over-romanticized that the expectations can be quite insane. Your fiance will love you all the more for not dwelling on his “lame” proposal and appreciating all that he does contribute to your life.

Post # 6
Member
454 posts
Helper bee

@ykayuka702:  

I definitely understand where you’re coming from. Usually when girls post about their disappointment of the ring and the proposal, I get kinda nervous/frustrated as a guy because I envision my GF not liking my proposal or the ring.

However! the situation you are in is just sucky. If he has planned more romantic or thoughtful ideas for his friends than you I can definitely see how that may make you feel. You can ask him to propose again! I think one of the reasons why he did it in a non-wanted way was that he WAS nervous, even though I say that I’m not nervous since I already know her answer, I’m still nervous because I’m taking a risk and thats SUPER natural. He might have had this big idea but maybe got the idea you didn’t want that… can you think of anything that may have been said that would give him that idea? Either way, thank god you liked the ring, that would just add insult to injury imo.

I don’t necessary see you as a high maintenance, even my girl who grew up playing with goats wants a moment where they feel special to the person they love took some time out to create a unique and memorable proposal.

Overall, I would say talk with him and explain that you were looking for a more special proposal rather than you coming out of a bathroom. Maybe you can make him understand that by switching it around. If you were proposing to him, would he want to be proposed too right after finishing using the bathroom, with dirty/clean clothes everywhere, and in a stale hotel room or another place…

For me, I’ve been working on my proposal for about 3-4 months now, and quite frankly, I’m sick of it, but since I know this is not a story that will stop being heard, I have to put my emotions aside and fulfill what she wants.

Question, given the age difference, was he married before? If he was and proposed with this huge proposal and the marriage ended, he might be tainted…

Post # 7
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@ykayuka702:  you will definitely get over it. You are allowed to feel any way you are feeling. High expectations usually lead to disappointment but in your case I agree with you. Light a candle… Tidy up the room or something. If he had even said I couldn’t wait to do it any longer so … That would of been sweet too. Plus side is he wants to spend forever with you and once you are in planning mode it will not matter. I think you did the right thing not telling him. It’s done and he can’t take it back and you sound very much in love with him. Congrats!

Post # 8
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

You’re not awful.  We’ve all seen the youtube videos of the crazy planned out proposals.  I think a lot of people have unrealistic expectations when it comes to wedding proposals…on both sides  because of this.  You didn’t react the way he thought you would, and he didn’t plan it out the way you expected he would.  Don’t worry, you’re only going to have to tell the story for a little while and then everyone will be asking about the wedding plans.  Plus the story might grow on you too, I know mine did.  (20min before I left for work, in my kitchen, with an egg sandwich)  At first I was like WTF is happening, and why didn’t you do it on my night off.  Well, turns out he bought the ring that day and just couldn’t wait 24 hours. 

Maybe he had something planned but couldn’t hold out?  Proposals are very stressful for men.

Seriously, check out the waiting board here on the bee.  It might help you accept your proposal/ring when you read about what other girls are going through. 

 

Post # 9
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I am prepared to be flamed for this… 

 

But you are coming across as a little ungrateful…. Maybe he was just so excited to ask you to be his wife that he didn’t want to waste any time… Maybe he thought just the two of you doing what you always do was the perfect proposal for the two of you…. And just because he is financially stable doesnt mean he wants to splurge it all on a piece of jewellery… Maybe it is more important to give you the wedding of your dreams… to buy a fantastic house and to start a marriage…. 

 

Celebrate td what you did get and what you have… A man that sounds pretty awesome who clearly loves you! 

 

Ok.. Flame away! 

Post # 10
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@ykayuka702:  HEre’s my two cents. You love the guy and are happy to be getting married, but this isn’t how you thought it would happen. This happened to a coworker– her DH was so excited to propose that he bought the ring he could afford with the money in his pocket and proposed that night (at home, with pizza). You have two choices: accept that it was what it was and get over it or end the relationship. I really encourage you to just accept that your imagination was better than reality and focus on making new, romantic memories– an awesome Valentines day or weekend away.

 

FWIW, you might have ruined his plan. I did. DH had a romantic proposal planned, but I was being so difficult in not wanting to go on a short walk (at sunrise to our favorite spot when I know he had the ring.. duh!) that he waited for when we were hiking on vacation. As he was stopping to pull out the ring, I turned around and snapped at him to hurry up. Both good efforts ruined by me. You have no idea how you might have influenced his plans.

 

As for the ring, I would take my coworker’s lead. She bought a truely impressive wedding band where each of the stones on the eternity band was bigger than her e-ring and then moved the e-ring to her right hand. You might not need to go that extreme, but it is an option.

ETA: I came across totally wrong– I feel for you. I have friends who have been in your boat and it sucks. But if he is a great guy who normally is romantic and normally spoils you more than his friends, you might want to not make this a big deal. It really can’t change– you get engaged once. However, you can make romantic memories and buy beautiful jewelry going forward.

Post # 11
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - North NJ

I totally understand where you are coming from. My boyfriend has hobbies/ events that he obsesses over to be perfect, and I would expect the same amount (or more) effort in a proposal. It doesn’t have to be expensive, or flashy, or anything like that, but I just want it to be his most time consuming “project” of that week…i dont want it to be a whim, because a marriage should not be a whim. 

 

Its not worth getting upset about, but I do think its good just to explain to him where you are coming from. 

 

Another thing to note is that many men dont understand this “engagement/ring/proposal culture” that we all foster on weddingbee. They just dont get how big of a deal it is, so he just may have had no idea. 

Post # 12
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would have been a little disappointed about both things too. I think the other people who said that men often don’t realize this is probably true, though I don’t know your FI. Now you can plan the wedding YOUR way. 

Remember how Jim proposed to Pam on the Office? When it was right he just knew it – maybe that’s how your SO felt?  He didnt want to waste one more moment. 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8_mXss4m9g

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