(Closed) A little disappointed.. Not really a bridesmaid thing but a friend thing.

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
7318 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Have you talked with her about how you are reading her behaviors and how you feel about it? If she is your best friend, you should be able to talk about your feelings and listen to hers. Maybe you two can smooth things over and find your groove.

But if that doesn’t happen, your have 2 options. Option 1 is to acknowledge that she is not interested in you and your wedding for whatever reason, and accept that she will most likely be this way for the entire planning process. If you manage your own hopes and expectations, you won’t end up frustrated and disappointed as so many Bees do.

Option 2 is to offer her a way to graciously step down as a bm so that her negative vibe doesn’t bring you down. If you cannot let go of the idea that your MOH should be your wedding go-to/cheerleader/whatever, then it may be best for her to step down before there are more opportunities for conflict, disappointment, and other negative emotions to be generated.

My friend ended up in a similar position. She chose her bridal party on impulse right after getting engaged, then realized that none of them were even remotely interested in being part of the wedding process for various reasons. She ended up not having a bridal party at all because it was causing too much heartache and regretted the whole fiasco. It happens. Friendships can really change during wedding planning.

Post # 5
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I don’t have much advice, but I empathize with your situation. My best friend of over a decade is one of my bridesmaids (I have no MOH), and she’s been pretty unenthused. We have great conversations and are still very close, but she never brings up my relationship or wedding plans, and if I try to talk about something she might actually get excited about (showing her my dress, asking her advice, etc), she just doesn’t react like my best friend, if that make sense. What the previous poster said sounds about right. I’ve gone with option 1. I wouldn’t ask her to step down, because I feel like that would be harsh, but I’ve kind of given up on her doing anything earth-shattering. Sorry for your situation… good luck.

Post # 7
Member
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

This happened to me too and I lost my best friend over it. The best advice I can give you is try not to overwhelm her with wedding stuff. Best kept to yourself and blogs. I know its a hard reality but not everyone will be excited about your wedding like you are. And it really sucks! But you dont want to loose precious friendships over it… trust me. It blows. Worse than how she is treating you know. She is probably acting this way because she is hurting and wishes she had someone who loves her like you have. Its hard being single and seeing everyone around you being in love. As a woman, its really what every girl wants. And it is harder for some than others. She may be struggling and not know how to talk to you about it. Just try to be there for her and see whats going on in her life instead of thinking about the wedding for a while. And she may want to eventually talk about wedding stuff once she realizes that you really care for her. Sometimes life isn’t about you. I know its a special time and I am excited for you! But share those happy feelings with others that can handle it better and cherish this special time with your FI!! Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Marryanne007:  I’m tottttttally with you! Since FI is my best friend he’s turned into the person I gush over wedding things with, and though I thought he wouldn’t be that into it, he actually is, which is great. It’s def brough us even closer. My BM always complains when people get engaged, get married, have babies, but now she’s not complaining to me about it anymore since we got engaged haha so I think I’m receiving some of her distain. I *HATE* to think about anyone feeling that way, esp my bestie, but it is what it is. I’m grinning and bearing it.

Post # 10
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Marryanne007:  I’m sure she loves you and is very excited for you, but if she’s been commenting on how many people in your social circle are getting married lately, while she has yet to have a boyfriend even, she is most likely feeling down or insecure about where she is in life.

Why not try talking to her about everyday things and slowly ease into asking if anything is bothering her?

Maybe she just genuinely doesn’t know how you expect her to act, or be, most people don’t want to hear us brides going on and on and on about our weddiings especially the wedding party.

Post # 11
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with the subject of your post, this seems to be more of a friend issue.  Does she normally communicate with you on a regular basis?  Not everyone’s friendships transform into gidduy bride-bridesmaid relationships as soon as there’s an engagement, and some people just aren’t into weddings.  I try to advise newly engaged brides-to-be that no one will be as excited about their wedding as they are – that includes mothers, sisters, and bffs.

I vehemently disagree with Lovekiss’s option 2.  If you ‘graciously offer her an out’ you will end up hurting the friendship, possibly permanently.  Maybe there’s something going on in her life that she doesn’t want to burden you with during your engagement… you don’t really know until you ask.

Weddings can bring out the best, worst, and weirdest in people, so please try to work things out.

Post # 14
Member
7318 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

@futuremrsfitz18:  Graciously offering an out does not necessarily ruin a friendship. My friend who cancelled her entire wedding party? Still friends with all of them. One BM even said to the bride that she was so relieved because she just didn’t know how to tell the bride that she really didn’t have the emotional energy to be a bridesmaid. Sometimes people make plans and then, when emotions or circumstances change, they don’t know how to cancel those plans. Sometimes they need to hear “L, you know I love you like a sister. And you know that I would love to have you stand by my side on my wedding day. But if it’s too much for you and you need to take a step back, I would completely understand and support your decision. I want you to do what is best for you.” THAT is how you offer a way out and still preserve the friendship, if it comes to the point in time where things cannot go on in their current form of dysfunction.

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