(Closed) A little frustrated & confused

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@LilySarah:  I’m with you. A year long relationship and I am just an impatient person. I don’t think you should feel bad that you haven’t been waiting two-ten years. That wouldn’t make your feelings any more justified. They are justified because they are how you feel.

Maybe his job stuff will make him want to be with you more? Like maybe thinking about taking a step will remind him he wants you to always be there for those future steps? Just a thought.

Post # 4
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@LilySarah:  I would keep in mind that if you start acting a bit wedding/ring crazy around him, it’ll only piss him off and will likely delay the proposal even further. Just remember that every time you feel some whining coming on lol.

Like you say, it does sound like everything is falling into place. Perhaps you could focus your efforts on making his job trasition easier for him. So for example, give him back rubs. Have dinner ready for him. Just make him feel special and give him some more incentive to marry you. I don’t mean doing anything way over the top, or doing nice things to basically bribe him into marrying you sooner, but do things to remind him of what a great gal he has.

Do some wedding planning on the side, if you’re into that sort of thing. Get a new hobby. Focus on getting into amazing shape so when the ring/wedding/etc. comes, you’ll be feeling and looking the best you ever have. Look at this as a positive vs. a negative if you possibly can.

Post # 6
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@LilySarah:  well perhaps he does want to? And its good that you motivate him to do better. Thats what a partner should do! If you want to know if there is a sooner or later time stamp why not ask? Honesty is the best policy and way better than going crazy. He will probably sense something is off and not know what.

Post # 7
Member
9234 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@LilySarah:  I think you just have to try to enjoy the amazing relationship you have with your forever guy, and enjoy the anticipation of knowing it will come sometime but who knows when. I do think that sites like this keep it on your mind more, which can make it more difficult to focus on other aspects of your relationship and life… I stayed off here and wedding blogs til I was actually engaged, and I’d recommend that to others. 

or, have a rough timeline talk with him.  Explain that you just want to know a *little bit* of what to expect so you don’t feel like it’s totally out of your control.  In the next 6 months? Year? Then drop it and hang tight. 

Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
1018 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

It sounds like you need to communicate with him =). Isn’t that almost always the answer? TELL him that you’re feeling anxiety now that you’ve started talking about it but you’re so unclear of a timeline and feeling like he has so much going on with work right now.

I know sometimes it’s hard to bring these things up without feeling like you’re nagging or bringing it up too often, but if your SO is anything like mine, he much prefers calm conversations about how I’m feeling rather than finding out that I’m upset about something after I’ve gotten to the point of anger, frustration and sadness and just burst into tears without him having a clue that I’ve been bottling all this up!

There is NOTHING WRONG with talking about your future together and making sure you’re both on the same page… it kills me that so many Bees think this way… there is a huge difference between nagging and making wedding/marriage-related passive aggressive comments and talking about your future and opening the door to open and honest communication. If you guys are going to be partners in life, you are going to be setting timelines together for everything… starting a family, career goals, moving to a new area, etc. Why should this be any different?

I’m not saying that he can’t surprise you with a proposal, but I think asking for a timeline is the only thing that is going to keep you sane- ask for it calmly, as part of a conversation about understanding where your relationship is going, what your goals are right now for his career (and yours, if you work too), what your goals are right now for your personal and romantic lives, etc. It will also help you to gauge how far he is in planning and if he needs help… if he says “within the next three months”, that’s pretty specific and would make me think that he has a plan locked down, possible even purchased or about to purchase a ring. If you’re worried about how much he has going on at work right now– say it! Express that you are so excited that it seems he is interested in proposing in the near future, but because you know he’s so career focused right now, you’re worried about getting your hopes up that it will happen soon since work needs to be the priority, and you 100% support that. Just explain and ask, “what do you think about that?” If you phrase it that way, he’ll want to open up and share what he’s thinking and where his priorities are right now and what concerns he has.

If he says “within the year”, maybe suggest that at some point, when he is closer to being ready, you guys go look at rings together. If he agrees that this is a good idea and he will let you know when he wants to go try some on, this puts the ball in his court and you can calm down a bit, knowing that until he asks you to go to look with him, you don’t have to be wondering ‘when’? It narrows the window of time, which is giving you the anxiety since it is so wide-open right now. Even if you have given him the info about what you like, I think the trip will give you a better chance of getting what you want, and on top of that, it definitely keeps the process moving along and puts him in a much closer-to-buying stage after actually having gone shopping for rings with you. Asking to be a part of the process, even though you won’t be choosing your exact ring or planning the proposal or anything, is not a bad thing at all- after all, you’re supposed to be partners- and will make you feel less anxious because you’ll be more aware of what stage he’s at.

Wishing you the best of luck!!
 

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