(Closed) A little long but I need some advice!

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee

I can’t imagine what she could have done that would upset everyone so much. She was drunk- can’t she just be forgiven?

Regardless, if I were the demoted MOH, I’d take myself out of the wedding and stop being your friend if you asked me not to come to your bachelorette party.

I’m sorry, this sounds like a situation with no real good solution 🙁

Post # 4
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Yeah, I have to agree with Jacqui … I would want to know what this girl did that was so awful no one will ever forgive her or want to be around her again. It seems a bit harsh, and often we have to forgive people when they’re drunk and do stupid things, especially if it was a first-time occurance, or it rarely happens.

So yeah, to me it sounds like everyone should just forgive and forget.

Post # 5
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

If this girl did something mean when she was drunk, I’d think a heartfelt apology to the other girl would cover it. I’ve seen a lot of stupid stuff happen in college between drunk girls (c’mon i was in sorority, i have seen it ALL) and an apology goes a long way. I don’t think asking her not to come is an option, partivcularly if the other girl understands that it’s your wedding and isn’t demanding she not come, or she wont’ come. Surely everyone can be an adult about it and let it go and have a nice time without too much awkwardness?

I think asking her not to come is akin to saying “i only want to be your friend sometimes” and would cause a lot of hurt. Maybe the girl is really embarassed by what she did and could use this time to make nice with everyone

Post # 6
Member
11327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I”m reading into this that previous MOH girl got drunk and did something with bridesmaid’s bf, so that is the assumption I’m working with. If that is the case… I think that it is reasonable to ask the MOH to not attend the bachelorette party because if I was the bridesmaid, I’d have a hard time spending 4 days with the girl that cheated with my guy.

Post # 8
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Oh wow, I totally missed the cheating angle. If that’s the case, well then I’d have to say that the cheating girl shouldn’t be allowed to the getaway weekend. Honestly, If I had slept with a BMs boyfriend, I wouldn’t be expecting an open invitation to the b’ette party.

Post # 9
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh bleh. Yeah, i was thinking that messing around with the other bridesmaids’ man would be “the” reason to ask her not to come. Definitely not cool. I hope the bridesmaid isn’t with the guy!

I hope your wedding isn’t too awkward for everyone, either!

Since she’s still a good friend of hers, maybe you two can go out to dinner to celebrate separately to avoid the confrontation. And the potential blow up that may ensue…

Post # 10
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee

It takes two to tango- I don’t know why people always blame the woman…

Are the other BM and her boyfriend still together? I suppose that could be a big part of the puzzle.

Post # 11
Member
2462 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

okay, i get that the cheating thing would make things awkward, but i’d still be worried about being to harsh on the moh–you said the moh and bridesmaid had never met before–did the moh know that the guy was bridesmaid’s boyfriend? the boyfriend is the one who cheated, so anger at the moh, if she didn’t know, seems misdirected…

Post # 14
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee

When is the bachelorette weekend? Could you all get together to work it out ahead of time? like months ahead of time?

I’m amazed that somehow other bridesmaid has it in her to forgive the boyfriend (the true cheater) but not the demoted MOH. Clearly the other bridesmaid has the capacity to forgive and get over it, but she has decided not to regarding demoted MOH. That would make me more upset than the drunken mistake.

Post # 15
Member
1392 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - Heron Hill Winery

whew what a tough sitation!! I would say that maybe she shouldn’t come to ease tension.  What I am really worried about is the potential tension on your wedding day.  All 3 parties will be present and it just calls for drama especially if people will be drinking.  I think you should have an honest conversation with the friend who was wrong to see what she thinks of the whole thing.

Post # 16
Member
2462 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i agree with jacqi…i understand that you want to protect the bridesmaid from being any more hurt than she already is, but her boyfriend is the one really at fault. even if your moh knew, the boyfriend is the one who betrayed her trust…

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