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I haven't had to do it yet, but I am kind of sad about it. I also have a long, difficult to spell maiden name, and so hyphenation would leave me with 6 syllables. It's just such a huge part of my identity. I love my family and my heritage and I do (although illogically) feel like I'm losing some of that by changing my name. But at the same time, I want to have the same last name as my husband and children. I suppose it will bother me less with time. You're not alone though!
Honestly, I was going through the same withdrawals so I'm not going to change my last name. I'm just going to leave it the way it is and when we have children, they will have his last name. I just coudn't bare changing the last name that I was born with. 
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I understand too! I'm quite attached to my last name, as well as my family, which is why I am adamant that I will keep it as a middle name. Obviously, I had the option of just not changing at all, but I also found it important to have the same last name as my husband and future children. I won't be married for another couple of months, so I'm not sure how it will feel when I actually do it, but I have to say I'm kind of excited. But I completely relate to that feeling of missing your old last name. For me, it's enough that I'm keeping it as my middle name. And just changing what I call myself doesn't change the fact that I am still a [oldlast].
First of all, Congratulations! I'm sure you're glad the craziness is over! What you are experiencing is very normal from what I've seen! Names are a big part of our identity. This topic has come up a couple of times since I've been on this board. One bee even blogged about it. If you have good relations with you family then it can feel like a separation from them and from your ancestory. It's really sad (IMHO) that we ask women in our society to break that connection with thier heritage (without asking the same of our men). I don't have the magic formula for how to fix this, I went the traditional route and changed my name too. However, I do not have a good relationship with my dad and was more than happy to give up his name. But is still hard for me sometimes. It's hard for me to not have the same name as my mom and brothers who I love very much! I don't think your feelings reflect at all on your excitiment about starting your new life with your husband. And I think the fact that you and other women are able to express this grief is sooo good! If I were you, I might do something to commemorate your transition. Maybe make a book online of pictures of your family and stories about your connection to your old name. It would make a wonderful keepsake for your children especially if someone down the line decides to trace back their heritage.
But know that you're not alone. :-)
Why do you feel you have to change your last name? I'm getting married and I amkeeping mine.
When my Fiance asked why I did not want to change my name, I simply replied, "Well, if you want matching last names I would be ecstatic if you took mine."
He hasn't asked since. :)
I don't think just because you're female you should have to give up something that is special to you. Congratulations on you wedding though :)
I agree Maureen! I didn't feel like I had to change my identity when i got married. The only reason why my mom changed her last name as because when they first escaped our homeland during the war, it was just easier to have the paperwork with the same last name. I reallly love my dad a lot and it just didn't make sense for me to change my last name.
me too.
im in the middle of changing it now.
i guess i'm traditional at heart - but still a little sad about it anyhow.
I actually don't feel like I "have to" change my name. When the topic came up, my FI simply said that he assumed I wouldn't. However, I think I would like to - at least for social use - and it seems that the simplest thing in that case is to keep my last name and add his; that way my original last name still appears on professional documents and resumes and such. It took me a lot of thinking to decide that it really is something I want to do - but I still think it will be a little sad. Kind of the way that moving away from a house or apartment where you've been very happy is a little sad, even if you're moving on to a better place, or the way that leaving your colleagues is kind of sad even when you're going to a good job that is a logical career progression, and where you know you'll be happy. You have the right to feel a little sad about it. The solution is not to change your mind about changing your name - which is as valid an option as not changing your name - but to recognize that sadness is often part of change, and it's okay.
I'm sure I'll screw up and continue to answer the phone at work, and sign my checks and credit card slips with my original name for months!
We just recently decided that we are both going to change our middle names to my last name and take his last name as our last name. It would be way too long to hyphenate, but we both love our families (and each other's families) so much that we want to feel connected to both. I'm so excited because I think we're both going to feel a lot more connected to each other by having a little part of the other one's name.
There seems to be so many different styles of name changing and non-name changing going on in new marriages. As a feminist, I used to think I would die before I would take a man's name, but I've now realized that having the choice to do whatever we want with our names is really what equality is all about.
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I couldn't have said it better myself thriftsiren!!! My friend, who is a women's study student like myself, has a motto that I LOVE. She says, "Feminism was intended to expand our choices not restrict them!" And I love how you both took each others name in a way. It is awesome to see how many options people have now a days.
right on thriftsiren! that is a great way to look at it. i think what you and your husbandtobe made a great choice. i have a feeling a lot more couples will go the same route.
I totally feel your pain.
Okay, so I was at the pharmacy picking up a prescription that is listed under my maiden name and started to say, as I have for many years, that "I can guarantee I'm the only S*****a in your system..."... but then had to stop myself, because my new name, my married name, is not as unique as my maiden name. NOT EVEN CLOSE. I mean I can't even get a normal gmail account with my new last name. The combinations that it comes with are egregious.
There's 258 people with my married name (first + newlast) on facebook. Two hundred fifty-eight. Yeah. Two hundred fifty-eight Michelle B******'s in the country registered on facebook. Ick. There's like 168 or something on myspace. There's a marketing specialist, an online how-to/what to do & not to do writer (what shoes to wear for a job interview, what exactly is a duvet?, on hubs, e-zing, helium, about, etc), an anesthesiologist (who is published but not the same one as the writer), a business consultant (like I know what that is??), a widow of a soldier killed in Iraq (they eloped- they were smart), a techie blogger, a elementary teacher, a red cross volunteer, a college professor, a student loan financer (loan offier- collegiate funding services), and this list goes on.
There's even one that has her resume posted on a .net version of our name. Well, now what am I supposed to do when I graduate grad school??? She totally stole my domain!
There are only a few other people with my maiden last name on facebook... lol and I know I'm related in some way to them on my father's side. But one thing I loved... that there were none with my whole name- I was the only Michelle S*****a in the country. I know this for a fact.
Before the wedding, I was really adament about not changing my name... I felt like I was giving up my identity. I knew I was unique- my name said it all.
Then there was St Patrick's day (before) dinner & I had gotten into a discussion about not changing my name with the elders of my family (my mother's siblings) and they stated that I was being disrespectful to my husband by not changing my name, that I was keeping one foot out the door at all times. Which I didn't think at all... I just thought I was keeping my identity.
Then two days before the wedding, people kept asking what my new name would be and I would reply, oh its still going to be Michelle S*****a... oh the LOOKS I GOT! OH MY! I got all the feminazi talks and I'm like ummm... I'm not doing it for the feminism thing. I'm doing it because I've earned degrees with this name. It's unique (hard to say but still unique nonetheless).
Then came the wedding, where we were announced (all traditional and all) Mr & Mrs B*****... three times. And I'm just like okay so this is it.
And then we get back to our room, and now hubby is all buzzed from the party, so I ask him, "do you want me to change my name, or does it really, really not matter to you?"
He replies- "well if I had my way- but no pressure- I would have you change it..." Then he continues... "I know it is a pain in the butt, your license, social security card, passport, credit cards, bank accounts, life insurance policies, medical insurance policy, car insurance policy, doctors offices... there's a lot to do, but yes, I would want you to change it, if you want to." So yes, he's been thinking about it, and really does care.
So I agreed.
No hyphen. No 'old middle' 'old last' then new last... I'm not giving up my middle name, it's pretty. I kind of need my maiden until I get all of my credit cards switched over. So when I went to the DMV to get a new drivers license, I asked to just add my old last to my middle names (you know like those people with five names) and married last is the official legal last.
But I still feel like I'm giving something up. It's weird.
It may sound bad, but after thinking about it I'm not sad. It sucks becaue in my family my last name is going to die after my sister and I unless we keep it and have sons that we pass our last name onto. She has a baby on the way and I know she won't give it her last name and I'm changing my name when I get married in a couple months. Then, I thought about it. I don't really care, there is nothing special that ties me to my old last name. I'm not close to anyone on my dad's side of the family, including my loser for a father. So, I'm glad, happy actually, I get to start over with a nice, new, fresh name. And I get to close end on of the not so great chapters of my life to start something new with my very best friend and my new name. 
I actually had no hesitation in changing my last name because the way I see it, I'm just taking on the name of another male. All my life, I was under my Father's last name, and now my husband's. So I don't really see it as losing my identity. I am still me, no matter what my last name is. Maybe I'm just strange.... =)
This may sound weird, but I am actually looking forward to changing my last name. My parents divorced and my Mom remarried ( took her new husband's name), then had my sister. The two of them ( my Mom and my sister) had the same name. I always felt like an outsider ( and not because I wasn't close to my Mom and sister), but the way it worked in the country where I grew up is that if you are a minor, both your parents have to consent to name change. I know my father, although he never cared for me, would not agree, just out of spite.
So I waited until I was 18, planning to change my last name then. But by then all my school reports, my graduation diploma from HS, my licence, passport, etc were in my old name. I figured, I will get married in a few years and will take my husband last name. Long behold, 12 yrs later I am still not married. So looking in retrospect I should have just changed my last name when I was 18 rather than continue feeling like an outsider. To me, the sense of belonging to a family, of which the name is one of the strongest symbols, is too important. I don't want my children to have different name, which is the main reason why I will be changing it to my husband's. just my 2 cents
I don't understand why people feel that changing their name will totally affect their identity and who they are. My "identity" isn't based on my birth father's name which I used until I was 11 when my mother remarried, my step-father legally adopted me and I took his name until I was 22 and I married. I chose to keep that name after we divorced because of our children even though 3 months after we divorced he married another woman with my same first name. (You ought to see the emails when we are going back and forth about the kid's schedules.) I will take my new husband's name after we marry in a couple of weeks. Instead, all of those names ARE my identity. They are who I am and the life I have lived up to this moment in my life.
My identity has little to do with my name and more with what I do, what I've accomplished and what I stand for in my life. I don't think that the girls in the youth group I work with care what my last name is, instead they care about me being there to chaperone their activities. I know the people at my church don't care since they've known me through 3 last names, and the fact that I will now have a 4th isn't affecting my position on council or the commitees I work on. The status of my last name doesn't affect my position as an alumnae advisor for my sorority, it just matters that I am there to offer my advice and guidance. And it is not going to affect any of the professional organizations I am involved with. Yes, there is some work involved with changing my name, and there will be some confusion for a few months but I get to tell anyone who asks about the name change that I am just recently married to the most wonderful man and I'll get to share all the wonderful details.
I'm looking forward to taking his name. It won't affect my relationship with my mother's family, my birth father's family, or my step-father's family. It wont' make me wonder "who am I" or "what have I become"? Instead I look at it as the next chapter on the wonderful adventure that is our life together.
Wow! Lots of opinions on last names. I was really happy to change mine, as it made my name so much more beautiful than it was. I read a pretty interesting article regarding women choosing to retain their maiden names. I agree with MissBlueBear when she says that changing her name to take a male's isn't too much different than taking the name of the male who helped create you. It's almost like defiance (not in a bitter, self-seeking way, but more of a rejection. Or one of those words without the bad connotations), because in many cases your mother took her husbands name and left her father's, so, in turn, you very well could not have been a "insert maiden name here", you know? She could have given you her maiden name, which in turn was taken from his father, then her mother's father, and a whole lot of fathers. It seems like it defeats the purpose of keeping your maiden name, since you could have been a whole slew of other previously-maiden/paternal names. I don't think people should define their identities by their names. I'm still me, whatever someone calls me. I have the same memories and same families. I think that's what matters most, whichever name you choose.
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Unlike most of the brides on here, I absolutely can't wait to change my last name, I've always thought it sounded funny anyway. The only reason I kept my name was because it was also my daughter's last name, otherwise I would've changed it back after the divorce. I am so excited to have my fiancees last name and can't wait. They even let me where my new name tag at work, lol. I just feel like I'm finally rid of a chapter in my life that I'd like to forget about, haha.
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I just got married a little over a week ago and am in the process of changing my last name. Did this make anyone else a little sad? I've had my last name for almost three decades--it's a little hard to let go! I'm so happy and excited to begin my life with my husband, but it's just hard getting used to having a new last name, new signature, new initials, etc. I thought about hyphenating, but my maiden name is really hard to spell and three syllables--just not a great hyphen option :) Did anyone else feel this way when they had to change their name?