- 6 years ago
So, I am an expat living in Dubai/UAE. My fiancé and I are born n raised in the UK, and we are marrying in Sri Lanka/Galle (my mother is originally from SL, its only 4 hours from Dubai and fiancée & I fell in love with the pear of the Indian Ocean 🙂
Anyway, most of our family reside in the UK, we have set a date of feb 2014, due to our financial situation and giving family plenty of notice to save and attend/have a holiday of a life time.
Now, since we are having a DW, we don’t expect every one we invite to be able to attend, we understand. We are also covering costs of wonderful accommodation for 3 nights for up 15 guests, including parents, and those who may struggle, including my father. Other guests will be given plenty of accommodation alternatives nearby to suit all budgets.
Now, my father, is what I consider to be a tortured genius! He is an alcoholic, and a few months ago was as an all-time low, with nothing to his name and on the verge of being made homeless! All my life I have dealt with his alcoholism and his non-committal ways, his highs and his lows, and late last year I was informed by family that they don’t think he would live up until Dec 2011. Of course, I knew of his issues, but was shocked to receive this info, so made a dash to the UK on a whim to visit him. I let myself into his flat to find a skinny, sad, drunk man, I had never seen him like that EVER! This was before, I was proposed too.
I spent the next 3 days talking with him, listening to music, talking love, life, politics, world issues, his past, I made him, call every one he felt he had ever let down, including my mother, I encouraged him to make amends with his demons, PUSHED him to send his script that he had been working on for months, to the BBC, which he finally did, etc. I also told him that there was a high possibility that I would be engaged soon and that more than anything I would love for him to walk me down the aisle,
Moving on 4 months, family have reported back to me that he has not touched a drink since the day I left and he himself sounded in good health on the phone, he is slowly re-building his life. He also told me that my potential engagement/Marriage was incentive to get his ass into gear find a job and save to be at my wedding. He told me himself that even if he has to hitch hike, he will be there, which made me smile.
Now, the other day I get an email from him saying he is concerned he won’t be able to attend my weeding, that he was discussing with grandma and most of the family on his side, say it will be a struggle even with 2 years notice, but the funny thing is, his sisters say the opposite and have already told me they are saving and can’t wait. He said his script was rejected by the BBC and it has put him on a downer and her fears he will have to move abroad to find work, so he can attend my wedding! He basically said, he thinks it’s unlikely he will come!!
NOW – I am an understanding person , but do you bees understand that all my life I have been let down by this man, his promises?? Even so I have never blamed him for anything. I have done well, everything I have or have achieved has been through my own doing and hard work, obviously with the emotional support of a wonderful mother.
I have never been on to blame my childhood for all that goes wrong in life! I don’t just want to jump up and say “DON’T WORRY DAD, I’ll come to your rescue and pay for everything!?” I want him to have a goal and to work hard and to want to do anything possible to do this one thing for me! I have never asked him for anything! I basically said, “Dad I understand, just focus, try and find work, save every penny you have and lets CROSS THAT BRIDGE WHEN WE COME TO IT” – As in not promising anything, but leaving it open too.
I am already paying for this whole wedding myself, engagement parties, covering hotels for 15 ppl for 3 nights, I am not a bank! I know me being me, AT THE END, I will pay for his flights, as I want him there and I feel he will go into a deep depression if he knows he is not at my wedding and was unable to give me away, but I just don’t want him to think he is sorted to early on, I want him to show me as a father that he is trying his damndest to do this one thing for me! His mother always bails him out, his rich older girlfriends while they last, etc…..I need to put my foot down on this one, but also to understand he is ill!
Is that selfish, have I been fair so far, what do u bees think? Anyone else going through anything similar? x